Ok, so when does the point come that you REALLY need to stop being so incredibly leinient and stop letting the ex walk all over you??

I have tried to do everything in my power to be there for Macie & Ambers dad and to be "understanding" but I just don't know how much more that I can take!

He was released from prison last November after doing 3 years for sales of drugs... I told him that I would give him a while to get back on his feet before filing for child support, mind you, when he first went to prison I had a hearing and asked the judge to waive the almost $13,000 he already owed and to stop letting cs accumulate while he was in prison because I knew that he would never be able to pay all of that back in the first place.

Here we are 5 months after he has been out....I still have not taken him to court, but I did tell him that he needs to help me with the girls so that I CAN work a 2nd job so that I CAN pay the bills. He has been doing ok about getting to the house on time to watch the girls...he calls just now and says, "by the way, I won't beable to watch the girls because I need some free time"
..... ok, so I am really trying to understand this one, he has a job and makes more money then I do, lives with his mother and only pays her about $150.00 per month.... I am working 2 jobs and not getting a lick of cs and HE needs some free time and leaves me without a babysitter and only 1 days notice.... count to 10...breathe!!

On top of this (I know this is my fault and that I am STUPID) but I have pre-paid for a trip to Disneyland in June, when he was released the girls and I were planning this trip and the girls REALLY want their father to go, which would work out perfect because Julia can't go on the "big kid" rides and I don't want my girls running around d-land alone...so he can go with them and Julia and I can go hang out with the likes of Winnie the pooh and Jo Jo's Circus...
Anyways, the plan was to go back in March...his parole officer would not let him leave the state until June...therefore, we changed plans and are taking off then. I told him that he only need to pay $300.00 of the $2000.00 and then I turned around and lowered it to only $150.00 which I have yet to see a penny of....

This is one more thing that is stopping me from filing cs... I don't want him to get pissed off and decide not go on the trip...this would kill the girls!! And like you Sue, I would be hated by them because it would be all my fault...

I am so sick and tired of walking on eggshells and being nice!! I am sorry if this post doesn't "flow" or make too much sence buyt I REALLY needed to vent for awhile...Thanks

Go ahead and start drawing up the paperwork to file for child suppport. It takes the state so long anyway. You can start getting some of it in. Kind of let them know to not serve him until after the tip. Or you might be able to hold up the process a bit until then. Look into it. I know that it tends to take TX over a year to get anything done. And normally the father doesn't find out anything is going on until at least 6 months into the filing.

Plain and simple.

They will do (or not do) whatever we let them get away with.

If you can possibly bring yourself to file, do it. Don't let him walk all over you. You are a wonderful mother, a dedicated employee, provide for and are creating a loving home for your girls.

And Mashell - you are very right about our ex's seeming one and the same. Unbelievable. I have lots more I could say or advice I could offer but I know how difficult it is. I haven't filed for child support for my son either.

hugs~

omg I know, I could feel the reprucussions before you even said it. OK Mashell....

Can you handle the trip without Daddy being there?

Do you have somebody that could go in place of him, friend/family (LOL I'm guessing no as we seem to have the same issues)

Before I get my answers and before I go on.... STOP THIS! One you aren't stupid, you are trying to keep everything peaceful for all involved and be the big person..... ok it is not working is it? So STOP!

I have to echo Sue and MJ
Being so helpful and generous is not improving things. The one who is suffering the most is you. So stop it.
Burn out is a real possibility working 2 jobs, financial pressures, and just knowing you are being played for as much as he can eats away over time.

Thanks guys And Sue, yes, I have a wonderlful group of extremely supportive friends that "I" would much rather take with me...but this will be the first thing that the girls have been able to do with their father in ummm lets count back...at LEAST 5 years...so I can't take that away from them. I have decided that after we do come home I will out my foot down Thanks again for listening to me rant and rave!

Let us know your arrival date back in AZ so we can all remind you!

Leaving for Cali on June 5th and will be back home on the 13th...hmmm, maybe I should file on the 4th ......hmmmmm

Yes! There you go, thinking ahead now!

Draw up that paperwork, and mail it in on the 4th!!! Good for you.

....small town, I work for the County, all I have to do is inter office it Thanks guys

Your on the right track Mashell, however, I think you need to stop being the one to compensate for the ex's shortcomings. Your girls should see their father for who he really is and not have the wrong conception because you are covering up for him. The longer it takes for them to see who he really is, the harder it will be for them to reconcile. I don't know if that makes sense. JMO.

Thanks net, it does make a lot of sence...Macie (oldest) is starting to see...she has gotten to where she does not want call and invite him to games or concerts or plays or anything anymore because she is sick of being dissapointed. You are right, I do need to stop covering for him....it just pisses me off to see them get hurt over and over by him. I call and invite him to all of their activities but have started making it a point NOT to let the girls know that he has been invited, that way if he shows, GREAT but if he doesn't, then they are not AS dissapointed.