My middle daughter turned 18 on Wednesday. I say my daughter though there was a real question as to paternity that never did get answered with blood tests, DNA was not admissable at the time though I offered to pay for it. Even the judge remarked what a low percentage the blood test was and asked the DA if he was sure he wanted to keep pressing the case. The DA, trying to recoup state welfare money since the mother was on aid of course said yes. Without ever convincing anyone of paternity, and there was serious doubt, I was ordered to pay child support. The other more likely "father" wasn't even tested, they just didn't want to find him out of state.

Well never proving the child was mine, years ago I was stubborn and chose not to send payment at first. I can tell you they excersized all means of collecting. I've been picked up on bench warrants, done time for contempt of court, I've had driver's license revoked, tax returns liened, wages garnished you name it. I did give in and paid off any arrears and began paying on a regular basis.

I even attempted to have some sort of relationship with her, notice I even say "my daughter". I was beat into submission basically by the system. The attempt at a relationship went badly, she is definitely her mother's child. That's all I'll say about that.......that I tried. Regardless we have kept somewhat in contact, basically I talk to her a few times a year, typically when I can track down the newest phone number.

Admission by her mom not long ago........the only reason I was named as the father originally was in hopes to get back together. Yeah, leave me to go visit an old boyfriend for several weeks, come back pregnant, and don't worry, as long as "you say" I'm the father we'll get back together. Heck, even the blood test won't say I'm the father.

Now 18 years later I'm thinking I no longer will be sending child support into CSS. Wrong. A few weeks ago I called CSS to check on the case being closed in June when she would have graduated, and had to call back the other day to find out some more info they were in the midst of investigating. They were looking into whether she was attending school and whether she was even still living with her mom. They said they were investigating her mom for welfare fraud since she was not responding to inquiries concerning my daughter's living arrangements and whether she was still attending school. Mind you, that investigation was already underway before my phone call even. Now I've known for a while that she had dropped out of regular school, and was supposedly going to continuation school for credits to graduate. Now I find out that she went at least a year solid of no school, besides the "hit and miss" attendance otherwise. So on my second call they tell me she is enrolled again and due to graduate in January or June of 06, and my child support obligation is still open until such time as she graduates. Court order does state 18 or completion of high school, fine. CSS will only state that they just received a signed letter from the school registrar that states she is enrolled fulltime and due to graduate sometime in 2006, so they don't plan to do any follow up until December.

So I just get off the phone with her, and get to listen how she hasn't been attending school due to taking care of her boyfriend because he cut his hand at work, and she's been working for his mother who runs a daycare. According to her she's living with her mom again, was living with her brother for at least 5 months, and darned if I don't believe she's actually over there living with her boyfriend.

Am I rambling? Probably, but you wouldn't believe what a thorn in my side this has been over the last 18 years as is. And now to find out she still isn't even attending school that is creating my extended child support payments.

Know what, yeah I'm kinda mad. Anyone that knows me some on here knows I pretty much take my responsibilities seriously. I have custody of and raising my youngest daughter with no support, yes different mothers.

If I offend anyone with this post, I apologize. I just really wanted to vent it out. Just trying to accept it again for a little while longer.

Just out of curiosity, could you ask for another DNA test now? I mean, how much would it really hurt either of you if your not even close? It sounds rotten to me. Not fair. I'm glad that you have become responsible, but the circumstances sound fishy. You've already got one to take care of no? I assume she is definately yours. If this other girl is 18, hey, isnt it time for her to take it on her own? If she were with you, you'd probably have her in school. My ex is definately my daughters father. Even without the DNA, she looks just like him. He doesnt pay me any support, although that may change in the next few months. Thats just doesnt sound right, does it?

No it doesn't sound right. I hear of many absolute parents, no question, getting away without paying support, and not much of anything being done to enforce it.

Yes, my youngest is definitely mine, I never even questioned it. And thankfully since she's with me over 4 years now she does attend school, perfect attendance even Going into gifted program next year. This after nearly being held back for truancy problems before she came to live with me.

About 10 years or so ago I had asked about retesting then and was told it still wasn't admissable in the county that the case was in at that time. I'm pretty sure I could get a DNA test now. And thought about it. I've just come to the conclusion that by the time I pay for the test now, lawyer, time off work....whatever, that probably won't have saved anything compared to going ahead and paying anyway.

Truth is for a while now I've come to terms with this support in part as a sort of restitution for some of my past. I wasn't always the most upstanding citizen, would be a nice way to put it. So I figure I've kinda been "paying my dues" I guess I must have had some more past transgressions to pay for. Well, it does help for me to think of it that way.

Don, I haven't been around here long but even I have come to know you as a caring individual.
You have a right to vent now and then too.
Frankly that was a pretty tame ole vent fella.

It sounds like a really crummy deal you got stuck with. I am sorry.

Paying for our pasts. sigh...
Yeap I get that.
I think acceptance sometimes is the better way. It sure does beat turning into a bitter angry soul. That only ends up hurting you the most.

At this point. Dollar wise proving you didn't father her probably would cost more than just paying out til she graduates or drops out. What
if she drops out then re-enrolls? Do you have to pay then? How long can this possibly go on for?
(Probably not very helpful,huh.) Sorry.
Now, I remember not that long ago reading about a case where a woman pick out a father who wasn't the real father, and that fella paid for years. When it was finally proved he wasn't the father of the child he asked the court to have his money ordered to be paid back. Basically he was told - "Uh , no we don't do that."
That is just so not right on so many levels.
The mother wasn't penalized in anyway.
So wrong. That is someone who deserves bad Karma.

DOn,

this is strange, other night i was talking about this same topic at work. a friend of mine is sort of in the same situtation. i wonder,,, lets say you did take a DNA test, and it proved that you were NOT the bio-father, can you sue the state for return for all your payment plus interest, cause the states does charge you interest if you have been a deadbeat? after all, they would go after you when you are at fault, why cant you go after them when they are at fault?

iamHarmoney, yeah a tame vent...at least here in the forum I am trying to find some more info on cut off dates. Some states specifically say "or age of 19" but I haven't been able to find that for Washington yet, but I'm not done looking yet.

kmhdad, Even as iamHarmony mentions about the guy that was told, they don't do that (ordering restitution) I've also heard of cases like that get proven later with no money being paid back. It seems that the mother should be liable, the states (Calif, Washington both) no longer have the money since it's been paid out to the mother. And well even if I could go through that, win the judgement, I still wouldn't have anything but legal fees to pay since her mother has nothing but her own welfare fraud investigation going on.

What a lopsided system, some they prosecute to such full extents and others they just seem to look the other way. So much really does depend on geography, this all started in some crooked *** little county down in Souther Calif. (yeah those are my own asteriks)

I'm glad you used your own asterisks. I would have had to edit you.

Sorry to hear about this latest episode and I don't know what I can add to offer except that in my province, according to one of my many lawyers, (no I don't have a dream team, just used a lot of different lawyers), I am obligated until J turns 18. If she leaves her mom's home before then my payments go directly to my daughter until she turns 18.

I really think you should look into a DNA test or at least a paternity test of some sort. It seems that coupled with the fraud case that you are just one of a few people mom is trying to scam. More importantly, you have one to raise by yourself and she deserves a dad with a clear mind and pleasant demeanor.

And I couldn't agree more. The system is lopsided. But I will say that the ladies on this site are wonderful mothers. Thanks for reminding us that not all moms are like your ex.

Good luck friend.

Hey JD,
Here each state is different. Though most say 18 or completion of high school. The only other catch is that they are living at home. They are considered to be emancipated from receiving support if they move out on their own. LOL, try to prove that though when her mom is doing everything in her power to prove that she's living with her.

At least anymore these things are determined with DNA instead of some Probability blood test. The probability test ran even had some "inconclusive" areas on it, honestly a very rinky dink test. The best they could say on it was that I couldn't be excluded as the father, yet certainly didn't say I was even more than likely the father.

And you are right about the mothers on this site. I really wish the system would fight near as hard for them as they obviously have against me for all these years. That's why I've always said the laws/regulations are definitely in place to make support happen for those not receiving it. It's just a matter of whether or not those means of collecting are actually being pursued. It's a bunch of bull-ogna that there are parents that can't get the system to do their job and get their support money for them, cause believe you me the system does have that power when they choose to use it.

Hey Don,
I sure wish I had some good insight and a solution to your problem, but I don't. I wish I did, I feel for you.
Maybe you could ask the courts about retesting. You never know unless you ask. Could you check at the school for her attendance? Maybe they would be willing to try and help you out.
I wish you the best and lots of prayers.

I am thinking I may call CSS again next week. To tell them about my phone call hearing she hasn't even been attending school. Though the case worker already pretty much told me that they are basically only concerned with having received the signed letter that she's enrolled.
Being that we were never married and I have absolutely no court ordered parental rights, not even shared legal custody because I never filed for it, the school isn't obligated to give me any info. You know, it doesn't hurt to try though, worst they can say is no.
You know depending on what CSS says when I call them back about attendance, if there is even a cutoff for age regardless of completion of high school it might just fire me up enough to check into retesting. Darn it, I really have tried to come to terms with this over the years and now this, and truth is I'm not so sure posting this did much more than fire me up more about it.

I don't know......think I'll get out of here for a while go visit with the folks, and clear my head some

Don,
I'm kinda new here but not new to the bureaucracy. Just a suggestion and something for you to keep in mind when dealing with the people who wield the red tape. The rule of thumb is "if it isn't in writing, it never happened". That is, when you make your inquiry about your daughter's status and your child support obligation, a worker TALKING with you will give you an answer (any answer) that is easiest to give verbally. If you state your case in writing and provide the info to them the same way, they are more inclined to deal with it. If they don't, you can reference your last letter to the worker's supervisor and ask why it wasn't answered. The trick is the paper trail. All agencies are mandated to date stamp and file any written communication that they receive. You really do make a very good case for not having to pay any more child support, especially if "mom" is already under investigation for welfare fraud. Make sure you include that little tidbit in your letter. Write down dates of contact with your daughter, what she told you, attempted contacts with the school, what you know of her attendance, etc. The rule in Michigan is 18 years old or until age 19 if still atending high school full time. At this rate you could be paying child support for this kid until she decides to finish up with adult ed. Enough already--and I'm a Mom !!

Welcome Lo,

Thank you for the support.


Hey D...can't remember how often one of us has told a young father to seek a bit of distraction at times like this. In fact there's this one father venting right now and he's trying to skirt the auto-edit. I'll keep my eye on him for you while you take a breather.

And D...would you believe he tried to slip "bull-ogna" by me?

quote:

Originally posted by jaydsdad:
[qb] And D...would you believe he tried to slip "bull-ogna" by me? [/qb]

LOL, well if that isn't a bunch of bologna
Thanks bud.

Lo, welcome to the site. Great group of people here, there really is

And yeah, JD I am remodeling my own kitchen the next couple weeks so that should perk me up. It's always nice to get some work done to my own house once in a while after fixing up everyone else's all the time. Feeling a bit better this evening anyway after spending time at the folks and came home to a really great email from a friend that also helped. Life goes on.

Hi Don,
Sorry to hear of all this bad stuff going on. It really gets me angry when people abuse the system like she is doing. She is also teaching the daughter to decieve as well. I would definitely be checking into paternity even if it means it costs....just for your own knowledge and peace of mind. I feel for you and wish there was more I could add here, but there isn't.

(((HUGS)))) Karen

Hey Don,

Is it up to you in, the state of CA, to file the paperwork for termination of CS? Some states require the paying parent to take it upon themselves, and file a motion.