Okay, so I've ascribed to attachment parenting and truly think it's the best way togo but I have a few issues...My daughter is nearly 20 months old, still nursing, and still co-sleeping...she's always been a bad sleeper and still wakes up more than several times a night, she nurses for a bit, then falls back to sleep...she has a new bed which she sleeps in for the first hour or two at night after I nurse her to sleep...

I'd really LOVE for her to only nurse once at night/once in the morning, or even not at all b/c she is getting older...but I have the issue that she's never learned to go to sleep without nursing...

my issues are 1) how do i get her to fall asleep on her own the attachment parenting way (if there is one)? I can't handle ferberizing - just don't have it in me to let her cry for hours...any ingeneous ways that you all have used? When I try to not nurse her she gets angry - kicking and screaming - so I give in because I too want to sleep too! I don't mind nursing still, it's just a lot to have to wake up 5/6/7 X a night to do so...

Everyone told me "don't nurse her to sleep" she'll get used to it - but as a single parent it was the easiest way to ensure that she would fall asleep easily and I would be able to go to bed early too!

Please help! I dont' know what to do...

I am not sure what attachment parenting is, but I nursed my daughter until a couple of weeks ago. She is only 14 months so I know it is going to be different than your 20 month old. My daughter did NOT want to stop nursing. I decreased nursing her during the day before I changed anything at night. Now one BIG difference is my daughter sleeps in her own room. I never let her sleep with me. That will also make a difference. At night I would leave a sippy cup of water, if your daughter takes a bottle you can try the same (my daughter's pediatrician recommended it, but is was a while before it worked). For several weeks she would stay awake for hours and I would have to go in there several times, but I would not nurse her. Your will just has to be stronger. When I finally got her to where she just nursed in the morning and at night I let her keep that schedule for a couple of weeks, then I took out the morning feeding. After a couple of weeks I finally stopped nursing her at night. She did not like it, but I thought it was time. I would hold her in my arms and rock her to sleep. Sometimes when she refused I put her in her crib and let her cry for 10-15 minutes then I would hold her again. usually she would be so exhausted by then she would go to sleep without any problems.

It was very hard. I actually had to decrease her nursings twice because after decreasing it the first time she started crying only consolable by nursing. But after a week or two I decreased it again and it took. I know it is hard, but she can not nurse forever. You are going to have to make the decision to stop nursing at some point. You didn't say, does she take a bottle? By now she should be using a sippy cup, but it might make it easier for now if you were to give her a bottle of warm milk at night. I don't know, my daughter completely refused bottles.

Like I said, I don't know anything about attachment parenting, but I have good experience of my daughter not wanting to quit nursing. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. Good Luck.

thank you...I think I'm just going to have to **** it up and just do it...I like how you went about it very slowly, that's what I"ll have to do...It's going to be so tough! (but I really want to sleep at night)...

does your daughter sleep the whole night through now?

Slowly was the only way for me I was able to do it. I started trying to get her to drink from a bottle when she was a few months old, but she NEVER took a bottle. Shortly before she turned one she finally started taking a sippy cup, but still insisted on nursing. It took me between 2 and 3 months to quit nursing. But like I said earlier I had cut her to just one or two feedings a day then she demanded to be fed about 5 times per day for a couple of weeks before I was able to bring her feedings down again. It just takes alot of patients for some babies.
As for sleeping during the night, that is kind of a tough question. I really don't know. I know for sure that some nights she does not. But she no longer cries. I don't know if she wakes up every night but just does not always wake me up, or if she is able to sleep through some of the nights. I had to stop using a monitor because of the period when she would stay up for 3-4 hours a night. I know she is safe in her crib, it is at the lowest position so she can not climb out, and there is nothing in there she can hurt herself on. Plus I am a light sleeper and wake up when she cries. I leave a couple of stuffed animals and a sippy cup of water in her crib. The nights I know she wakes up, she plays for a little, gets her drink, then goes back to sleep by herself. But like I said earlier, because your daughter sleeps with you that will make a difference. If my daughter sees me, she wants to play and will refuse to go back to sleep.

Sorry, I tried to keep it short, but when I start typing my fingers just get carried away!

Ugh, the dreaded weaning! My daughter, now 2 never slept thru the night till i refused to nurse
and only gave bottles to put her to sleep. Luckily that was at 9 mos! I would then rock her and put her to sleep in her crib, which was in my room. I think since she was so used to waking up to nurse she automatically woke up even though she didn't need a bottle. Maybe you could refuse to nurse after she is asleep for the night and when she wakes up just comfort but don't nurse. Nursing definetly leads to co sleeping and it's so addictive!!! My 2 y/o still sleeps with me and shows no sign of stopping despite her super cool dora toddler bed or a night light. Luckily I happen to love it too!!!

oh man! Thanks for the great advice...there's no easy way!

I think I'll go slowly...I've sort of already started the process, not weaning, but for 2 nights now she has stayed inher own bed...when she wakes up screaming I go to her bed and nurse her...but baby steps, right?!

My daughter, also, has refused to ever take a bottle, but has used sippy cups since 4 mos...I'll try the water sippy to see if she takes to it...but she's so stuck in her ways! already!

I think it's a good idea to nurse her to sleep then say 'that's it'...

she just gets so angry...i've been trying to wait when she cries, these past 2 nights, to see if she'll go back to sleep, but within 2 minutes she is hysterical and kicking the wall...normally she's a sweetheart!!

Hi-
I just noticed this topic-
I'm still nursing my 2 year old (turned 2 on 8/15). She sleeps with me and I still nurse her to sleep. One good book I found is The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. There's a lot of great tips in there, especially on how to get your baby to sleep without nursing (although i don't always follow her advice consistently!). I don't believe in "crying it out" - never tried it and never will - it wouldn't work with my kid. I'm not sure how long I'm going to nurse - I may just tell her one day that the milk fairy came and took all the milk and now she can't nurse anymore. We'll see how that goes! Let us know how your adventures go!

-Teresa

So...here's an update on my daughter and trying to get her to sleep through the night, and to wean her...

I couldn't let her cry it out - I know she'd flip out and it just wouldn't work for her...so what I did was nurse her to sleep then I stayed in her bed ( a little cramped, yes - I'm about 4 inches too long!)...normally she'd wake up 5-10 times a night (no exaggeration)...when she woke up I told her she could not nurse but that mama was there and was going to stay with her..she cried for about 30-45 minutes, tossed and turned for another 30-45 then fell asleep - ON HER OWN!!! for the first time! she woke up another time and I again refused but she didn't cry, just went back to sleep..when she woke up again I asked if she wanted a sippy of water or choco milk...she took the milk and fell asleep...the next night she cried for about 30 minutes after having nursed her to sleep..then slept the rest of the night! By the third night I was nursing her to sleep and she was either sleeping through the night or waking up only once, not asking to nurse, but not crying either...just making sure mama was around! The last few nights she's woken up a couple extra times but I just went back to work as a teacher a few days ago so I'm attributing that to the change...but it's nothing like before i started the weaning process ! Unfortunately, I still wake up 5-10 times a night just to check on her! I'm not used to having hours of quiet...it's odd but wonderful...

for the time being I'm happy nursing her to sleep - 1 x a day is fine with me...when she gets closer to 2 years (january) maybe I'll start taking the last steps to full weaning..

Thank you all for the great advice!