First of all, thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m an E-4 in the Army and pregnant. The man I was involved with is an E-5 stationed at a nearby base. We met on a deployment (go figure!) When I found out I was pregnant, he told me that he’d support me no matter what. I was filled full of lies when he said that we’d be a family, we’d raise our child together. But it turns out he can’t be a family with me. The lying SOB is already married with a newborn son! After the truth all came out in the open, his wife told him that he would have to stay away from me and have nothing to do with my baby or she’d keep his son from him and turn him in to his chain of command. And he agreed. Now first, I don’t want the lying snake back. I did love him, and being pregnant and alone is terrifying, but I can’t trust a single word he says. What hurts is that he would so willing turn his back on his child, our child, for the sake of self-preservation. How could he do something so cruel? How could he lie to me and then leave me pregnant and alone? Should I turn him in, or be the bigger person and let it go? I’m angry and hurt. Any advice?

Will he admit the child is his, or would you have to pursue a paternity test?

Personally, I would collect support from this man, and hopefully some day his wife grows up and stops punishing your innocent child for something his stupid father did. You'd need to establish paternity to do that.

I wouldn't do it to hurt him. I would do it because it's the right thing to do, and the best thing for your child. Good Luck.

Later,
Bobby

I agree with Bobby. At this point, your main concern is the child, and making sure that you will receive financial support for the baby. If that process gets him into trouble along the line, so be it. You dont have control over that. He had control over it when he lied to you and commited adultery. If I understand correctly, in the military that is considered criminal, right? I wonder what they consider abandoning a child?

Anyway, whatever happens, he holds the blame. I wouldn't seek revenge, but I wouldn't protect him either. Let him deal with the consequences of his actions. You will be.

When he lied and made false promises, was he thinking about you?

When he decided to fear being turned in to his chain of command, was he thinking about you?

When he made the decision to cut contact with you and your child was he thinking about you?

You know the answers to those questions so my suggestion is clear and simple, turn him in and make sure that he at least shares some of the financial responsibilities of having a child. It is your child's right to have some extra support from his biological father even if you don't think you need it.

Hi and

I would see what you could do talking to him about him doing his part as the bio father (child support) and I would do it ASAP!!!! Tell him that if he forces you to play hardball, you will turn him in yourself....he doesn't need his wife to, you can!! I mean, what are they thinking making it unbearable for you and this child? Taht you won't do anything about it????

~Incredible!!!!~

Also, if you are pregnant and in the military, there are some questions you need to consider right now as you debate the answer to this question....down the road if you are deployed again (which I know is probably going to happen again the way it has been going thus far), who is going to care for your child?

If you don't stay in the military how are you going to support this child all by yourself? The cost of living isn't that bad in Georgia, but in the civilian world without college the jobs don't pay that great. You do have the GI bill and I would take full advantage of that. You can also get state help if you qualify.

If you don't stay in the military, are you going to want this child to remain covered by tricare? Healthcare costs are a big expense, thus insurance is not cheap, either unless you go through the state. The child remaining on Tricare if you decide not to remain in the military is feasible if you get the paternity test done and make him responsible. Dental coverage is also something that he can provide, too through Tricare. It costs him less than 24 dollars a month.

Another thing to consider - if you want to eventually hunt him down to make him responsible in the future it will be nearly impossible. If he gets stationed somewhere else, how are you going to find him? If it is overseas, there are laws that prohibit anyone from putting a lawsuit on him for child support till he gets back to the USA - and that is all IF you can find him. There are a few moms who are dealing with things similar to that right now and are frustrated and in huge binds because of it. I e-mail a few of them on a regular basis.

My personal opinion - go get 'em. You never know what is going to happen in the near future and you need to put that baby first, not his career or his marital problems. It is also not about being the bigger person...if it was, he would get a backbone and be responsible for his actions because it is his responsibility to be the bigger person in ths situation and do that.

Sorry if I came off harsh. I am just angry at situations like this because at one point I was a SGT's wife (my ex has done similar things). Morally and by the soldier's creed that they are required to memorize to become an NCO they know they are WRONG. Stick it to him ,sweetie. For your child's sake.

Take care and keep us posted.

Thank you everyone for all of your advice. It's confirmation of the same things I've been thinking. In the state of Georgia, I can't file a paternity lawsuit until the child is born, so until SEP, child support is unavailable. But by starting the process and informing his chain of command, it'll show him I'm serious. However, at the same time, it will also create an extreme amount of stress and worsen the virtually non-existent communications between him and I.

On top of it all, I recently found out that both myself and "the jerk" (as I'll call him for anonymous-y) are both recessive carriers of the genetic disease Cystic Fibrosis. Talk about a heartbreak on top of a heartbreak. While all the tests are being done on the baby, I really need his cooperation. Something he's barely giving now, and is certain to not give at all once I turn him in. So I'm really at a loss of what to do. But all of you made really good points and gave me some more to think about. I appreciate the time you took, it really means a lot.

aleef-

You are very welcome. I love helping others when I can in any way that I can.



Take care and keep us posted...hope to hear from ya again soon.