It is not a bad idea for the father to have sole custody of your child while you are away at training. This insures your child will be taken care of and takes the responsibility off of you right now so that you can completely focus on your training. Don't look at is as a bad thing, ok.

Once your training is complete, you will want sole custody, I assume. If there is no resistance from the father, I recommend you and your child's father write a child custody agreement. This is a legal agreement between the two of you (assuming you can come to an agreement) that will establish custody, visitation, and every other detail that is important to you.

Pick up a book from the local library. I used "Child Custody, Building Parenting Agreements that Work", written by Mimi E. Lyster. Once the two of you write your agreement, have it notorized, and it becomes a legal document. No courts involved. The good part is that you can update the agreement to fit your needs, for example, as your child gets older, your military career advances, you relocate. You will need this flexibility, being in the military.

If you can NOT come to an agreement, you will obviously have to solve this issue through the court system.

ONCE you have full or split custody, the Army will require you to have a Family Care Plan. If you have not been introduced to what this is, you absolutely must read AR 600-20 paragraph 5-5 (do a google search on the internet for AR 600-20)

A Family Care Plan is designed to help you think ahead for the care of your child. As soon as you have custody, you more or less, need to prove to your commander that you are able to provide for your child and that your responsibilities as a single parent will not interfere with your duties as a soldier.

You will be able to balance your family and your military duties as a single parent ONLY if you develop a well thought out and carefully planned Family Care Plan. A single military parent must always think ahead. This will help you do that.

I have been in the Army (& National Guard) as a single parent now for four years. During my last 16 month deployment, the families who couldn't "hold it together" were not the single parents. We had our plan. The families with spouses and kids who did not plan ahead were the onces with financial, legal, and emotional problems.

And just curious, what were your five violations of CPS? If there are other issues surrounding child custody, ask your leaders about Army programs that can assist you with any issues you may have.

I hope that helps.

I was in the military and the reason that they do this is because they expect you to fulfill your duties if you got called to serve in a war zone or in a war somewhere.....

How do you think it would work if all the GIs over in Iraq took their families over there with them?

When you sign up, you are basically saying you are serving your country and the needs of your country come before any other obligations.....

I doubt that there is any way around this......but I am not in charge of that, but why join up if you are going to put your kids first?

They have to depend on you, you are to be available at a moment's notice to go anywhere in the world at their command...that is what the military does....how it operates.....

If you don't want to have to give up your parental rights, then don't join up....

That is my best advice to you....

quote:

Originally posted by Sunshine2:
I was in the military and the reason that they do this is because they expect you to fulfill your duties if you got called to serve in a war zone or in a war somewhere.....

How do you think it would work if all the GIs over in Iraq took their families over there with them?

When you sign up, you are basically saying you are serving your country and the needs of your country come before any other obligations.....

I doubt that there is any way around this......but I am not in charge of that, but why join up if you are going to put your kids first?

They have to depend on you, you are to be available at a moment's notice to go anywhere in the world at their command...that is what the military does....how it operates.....

If you don't want to have to give up your parental rights, then don't join up....

That is my best advice to you....

I do know tho, that they aren't saying you need to say you are not the parent, they have this form you fill out for who your child goes to LIVE WITH WHILE YOU ARE DEPLOYED!!!!!!!!

Like I said, a moment's notice, to be able to deploy you......

They aren't asking you to disown your kids, but to provide a safe place for them to be at while you are gone.....

Unless they changed it.....but I don't think that is what they are asking.

They need to be able to depend on you....

Hey Sunshine...
Just wanted to let you know ( in case you didnt) that each post has a date at the top of when it was posted / or replied to last. Some of these topics on here are pretty dated.

Not that it makes them any less interesting.

Just trying to be helpful.

Awesome to see you jumping right in....thanks.

Hello military mates. I am a single mother in the US Navy Reserve with a 3 year old daughter. Before I left bootcamp my recruiter gave me options to give up custody of my child or get married. well, i thought of doing both. marry my guy friend or give up custody to my parents. Was just about to hire an attorney but something struck me, told me I should never do that to my child. So I did family care plan saying that my mother will be the caregiver for short and long term. when i got to bootcamp, i did a power of attorney to give my mom and my two sisters (BECAUSE I TRUST THEM WITH MY LIFE AND MY DAUGHTERS). It expires in Dec 2007. When I deploy again, I will do it again as circumstances arises I will make my decision who will have POA accordingly. Right now, I feel that if I have given custody to my parents, I don't think that I will have her back without a very difficult legal and family fight... even though I love my parents like crazy and vice versa. But they love their grandchildren like their own and more. Keep that in mind. I heard that once my agreement is over, my second term if reenlisted, I might be able to go ACTIVE DUTY and have full custody of my child. I'm not sure, but Master Chief said something along that line. please don't quote me til i find out the exact answer. and if you do decide to get an attorney, it's how you word it on paper.... you may be able to do joint custody with your parents while you're away and when you're back they will give back your child.. something.... I know, it sucks that sometimes you feel you want to do good for the country and your family but are put in the spot or situation. good luck

i will not say anything i shouldn't but haven't you notice, in their "join" ad, the service(s) seems like they are family oriented... but at the same time... it's like... give up your child, we'll make you run around to find answers to your questions and needs.. maybe you might be able to find the right one....

in bootcamp they drill the girls about birth control and girls/guys about ***, sexual harassment, etc. it's because it's hard to be in the military and have family.

but i love being in the military despite other situations.... my daughter hopefully will grow proud of her mommy

Hey Silly...and all the rest,

I just wanted to take a second to say "Thanks! for your service".

Sincerely. I personally, am very proud of you.

HI Doris, I was in the Army for 10 years and there is a preconcieved notion that you have to give up custody to join the service. This isn't true. There are waiver request for everything. My advice to you since your in the service now is to get custody visitation established if the father has custody right now. If you have custody, I recommend that you have in your decree that the children are allowed to move with you to military assignments. This helped me while I was in the service to relocate with my children. Whatever you do, never relocate with the children without the other parent knowing. This could be used against you as alienation. Your CPS charges probably won't go away, that definately needs legal attention which you can get from a lawyer at JAG. You need to retain an attorney to fight this for you. Right now there are legislation going through that prohibits courts from changing permanent custody for soldiers while they are deployed. Also, take some parenting classes to help with whatever charges CPS has against you. That will show that you are moving in the direction of being a better parent. You can get parenting classes through Army Community Services (ACS) and Family Advocacy.
Never give up on your children and never settle for anything other than joint custody. Every parent deserves to have their children in their lives.
Good Luck,

quote:

Originally posted by Doris:
I joined the Army. I have a 3 yr old son. His father has been awarded SOLE custody while I'm at boot camp. What happens afterwards, can I take him out of state with me with no reprecussions? I've been found in contempt on the court order for five violations and I am unsupervised probation. I also has CPS charges against me that were unfounded. I'm afraid the father is going to try get custody and I will not be able to take him with me where I'm stationed. Help?