wow. ok. my "question" was about week to week custody. wasn't really asking for advice on whether i should stay married or not. sorry for the misunderstanding.

you don't know my husband and what a jerk he is. i did not say that i "just changed my mind". and why do you assume that i do or don't have sympathy for him? as for my son....i have his best interest at heart. of course i worry about what will his life be like and how he will cope with everything. just because i did not put that in my post does not mean that i don't have concern and sympathy for his well being. and frankly i'm offended that you would suggest that i had any other motive for divorce than only my own happiness. being in an unhappy home is not good for my son in my opinion. you have a different opinion and that's fine. but, again, you don't know my husband. maybe he is just as eager for divorce? if it were all about me...i'd have been gone long ago.

again, i was not asking for someone to tell me whether or not they think i should remain married. i wanted to know what are the chances that we would be "forced" to do a week to week custody schedule.

and of course it would be something we both have to decide on. of course. i'm in no way saying that i would make all the decisions. never said that!!! please show me where i said that the custody outcome would be totally up to me?

there were a couple people that gave me good responses. not advice. i was under the impression that this was a "support board", it says so right up there in the left hand corner. and i only asked one simple question. and my tone through these posts is not mean....maybe comes across that way. but i'm not mad. just trying to get my point across.

parrismomma
I tried with the father of my daughter (I use that term loosely, more like donor...)
and counseling, now separated, though never married and sometimes it is a waste of time to try. I hate the idea of another woman with my daughter, especially since he tends to go for barely legal strippers with kids!!!!!! he is 40!!!
but I tried for a year and can no longer live with his disrespect.
the visitation is the hard part. I wish it was always best for the child if you stay together but sometimes it is not, then the question of week to week, or everyother weekend comes into play. It is a tough question. can your child go to the same school, or daycare living with both of you on seperate weeks? how old is your child? can you condition your child to get used to the idea that the father is only everyother weekend, or has he/she lived with him for years and then get hurt by that? weigh out the pros and cons of both (or all) situations. I know it is hard. I cant imagine not having my daughter with me at all times. I dont want her negatively affected my our split. sadly the children are put in the middle and we must find a compromise that will be as beneficial to them as possible. dont stay together if it is not a happy home. they may be better off with visitations instead of a tense or abusive (mentally, verbally...not necessarily physically) home life. they learn from their surroundings.

Parismomma,
You have some very valid points and I apologize if I came off wrong. I think you may be getting the responces that you are because we all know how hard it is and don't wish the difficult times on anyone. At least that was a great portion of my responce. I also know that in 17 years of marraige there were times when I felt the way you do and for long periods of time,like years. I also know through the experiance that I am glad I stuck it out and did not leave him. There were times when I just hated for 4:30pm to come around because I knew he would be home. We did get through it and I am glad we did.
You may not have that situation. You are right you know the relationship the best, you are living it. If you know in your heart that it is best to divorce than of course so be it. We will support you and try to help you through. We just don't "wish" it on anyone. Our hearts are in the right place.
As for you son having another "mother" figure in his life. No one can replace mommy. NO ONE. I know it will be hard for you but that may not happen for a while and by then maybe the idea will be easier for you. I have 2 step kids and have known them since they were born. I am very close to them, but they still know who mom is and I will never be able to replace her. They will never love me the way they do her, and that is the way it should be.
As far as your visitation question you might be able to call your local court house and get the visitation guidelines. Each state is different, but most of what I hear is every other weekend and one night a week.
I wish you the best and will send lots of prayers for you. Again I am sorry if I came off wrong, please understand I meant well.

thank you both very much. maybe i'm extra touchy lately.

the last two responses were what i was looking for when i came here. i was hoping for some kind advice (i'm not one who likes the blunt 'in your face' advice...and i know i need to toughen up) and also hoping for some good old fashioned support! but seriously, i really only was asking that one question about week to week custody.

i don't even have the guts yet to ask for a divorce. but i think about it daily. i daydream all the time about living my life without him. i think of my future without him in it. it's sad. i have felt like this every single day for more than 2 years. every day. it's lonely here. for both of us. my husband must be lonely too. i sincerely feel like we married far too quickly and did not get to know each other well enough. he is not the person i thought he was. i don't know how i can live with him for the rest of my life. (i'm 41, he's 50)

right now our son is only 3 years old. he's happy and loves everyone. i've been wanting divorce for a long time now, and like i said i'd have done it a long time ago if we didn't have this little boy here.

as far as the custody thing. i truly feel alternating weeks is a terrible way for a child to live. i know i know there are many out there who do it like that and it works great for them. but i truly feel it's not good. not good for my family anyway. right now, i do everything for our son. i'm a sahm. i could list all the things that i do, but it's just easier to say; i do every thing. his dad plays with him when he gets home from work for a while. he loves our son. i know that. he's a good dad in the sense that he is caring and loving and is a good provider. but he doesn't "take care of him". i do all taking care in all ways. i'm not complaining. i'm just saying that's the way it is.

anyway i just wanted to say thank you for your kind responses. i needed that.