Hi Again my wife and i have been separated for 9 months and she says nothing about reconciling when i ask. We have 3 children 6 and under so we see alot of each other.With the hoidays coming up my wife asked me to go to a neighbors house for a xmas dinner and also invited me to her parents for xmas day,am i krazy or should i be as confused as i am because if she wants to be separated and i guess eventually get divorced why does she always want me around but not work on getting back together.

Ok as mean as this my sound i dont mean it to . she might still weant you around because she is used to the routine and is afraid to do things by herself or then again she may actually miss you alot and just does not know how to tell you so she uses excuses to get you to come around hoped this helped

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Originally posted by Uneco419:
[qb]Hi Again my wife and i have been separated for 9 months and she says nothing about reconciling when i ask. We have 3 children 6 and under so we see alot of each other.With the hoidays coming up my wife asked me to go to a neighbors house for a xmas dinner and also invited me to her parents for xmas day,am i krazy or should i be as confused as i am because if she wants to be separated and i guess eventually get divorced why does she always want me around but not work on getting back together.[/qb]

quote:

Originally posted by Uneco419:
[qb]Hi Again my wife and i have been separated for 9 months and she says nothing about reconciling when i ask. We have 3 children 6 and under so we see alot of each other.With the hoidays coming up my wife asked me to go to a neighbors house for a xmas dinner and also invited me to her parents for xmas day,am i krazy or should i be as confused as i am because if she wants to be separated and i guess eventually get divorced why does she always want me around but not work on getting back together.[/qb]

[EMAIL]null[/EMAIL]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by cbryant:
[QB]Truly I believe that she still loves and has always had u and the children around, but still needs the seperation to keep her sanity. Some men do not know how hard it is mentally with women, they take you for granite and choose not to do the things they use to. Please inquire about her feelings toward the issue and come to an agreement. Be strong

quote:

Originally posted by Uneco419:
[qb]Hi Again my wife and i have been separated for 9 months and she says nothing about reconciling when i ask. We have 3 children 6 and under so we see alot of each other.With the hoidays coming up my wife asked me to go to a neighbors house for a xmas dinner and also invited me to her parents for xmas day,am i krazy or should i be as confused as i am because if she wants to be separated and i guess eventually get divorced why does she always want me around but not work on getting back together.[/qb]

Truly I believe that she still loves and has always had u and the children around, but still needs the seperation to keep her sanity. Some men do not know how hard it is mentally with women, they take you for granite and choose not to do the things they use to. Please inquire about her feelings toward the issue and come to an agreement. Be strong

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Originally posted by cbryant:
[qb]

Truly I believe that she still loves and has always had u and the children around, but still needs the seperation to keep her sanity. Some men do not know how hard it is mentally with women, they take you for granite and choose not to do the things they use to. Please inquire about her feelings toward the issue and come to an agreement. Be strong[/qb]

Thanks for the advice but she doesnt want to talk about anything to do with us, she just has gotten herself so busy she is just going through the motions in life, to me she is just lost right now and nothing i say is going to help so i have to hope something or somebody gets through to her and she comes to me and wants to work on things to make our relationship better. i still love her and always will, because we have 3 small children i am always going to be around so i just learn to deal wit it until she decides if she wants a divorce or to work on us.

It could be a number of thing including everything every one has said but, the one that sticks out the most and the one I think that I am the most guilty of is the one about routine and scared to do it on her on. I got use to my kids father we were together for five years living together. When we seperated it was so hard for me to adjust to being just me. I found myself calling him to check upon him, making sure he was eating everything, until I realized what I was doing is keeping him in my life because its hard and scarry starting over and trying to get to know someone else. In all truth though I think you should sit down and talk about things and find out where her head is and think about what you want as well because you have a part in it as well. If she is non responsive then you got your answer and move on.

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Originally posted by Kimmie123:
[qb]It could be a number of thing including everything every one has said but, the one that sticks out the most and the one I think that I am the most guilty of is the one about routine and scared to do it on her on. I got use to my kids father we were together for five years living together. When we seperated it was so hard for me to adjust to being just me. I found myself calling him to check upon him, making sure he was eating everything, until I realized what I was doing is keeping him in my life because its hard and scarry starting over and trying to get to know someone else. In all truth though I think you should sit down and talk about things and find out where her head is and think about what you want as well because you have a part in it as well. If she is non responsive then you got your answer and move on.[/qb]

Thankyou for your advice, i know alot has to do with routine we were together for 10+ years. Any time i try and talk to her she just as you said is non responsive or just says this is how she feels. I am wondering if she could be going through some sort of depression and doesnt know what she wants, i still love my wife and am willing to give her time to sort things out but i just get frustrated sometimes when we spend alot of time together and nothing comes of it. i know i should just stay away and avoid contact with her as much as i can but with three kids i am very involved in their lives and want to see often . sorry for rambling but its a tough situation for me .

That is where a lot of parents go wrong at, Yes, you would like a civil relationship with the mother of your children. However just because you have kids with her does not mean you have to see her all the time. The longest you should see her is to pick your kids up and take them away from her home. I say this because if you continue to go over there and sit at her home and see her for hours on end depending how long you spend with your kids. Those feelings of love and wanting to be there will come rushing back. Just try it, pick them up and go to the park or what ever it is you do with your kids. "remember rountine" From what you say she does not want the relationship, or does not know what she wants. Just dont' discuss you all focus on your children and go out on dates too. I know its hard but just try not to talk about you all because if she is undecided about the relationship and if she associates you with pain or any type of frustration ,pressure etc.. you will never get her back. Let me ask you this. Think about what the reason was that got you two seperated in the begining, then, ask your self if you are still repeating if she is still repeating, In order for things to be worked out both parties have to work at it I mean really work at it, and if what you are saying is true, she doesn't sound like she wants to work things out, that is why I said just stop talking about you and her and always make your conversation about the kids,just something other than yourselves. Eventually your head will clear and then you can make a decision that best for you. Good Luck to you and your family.

One more thing stop making those visits to her folks house it still sends a message to the kids that you all are together and it will confuse them. If she truly does not want the relationship to work then this will show you.

I have a whole other take on the situation. I don't think you stated enough points to the situation, such as, why she decided to seperate, if there were some specific reasons.

In any matter, I think another reply-er made a really good point and thats that sometimes people get seperations because, even though they truly love someone, they need some space sometimes - just to stay sain. Why else would someone want a seperation instead of a divorce? And space sometimes means getting a really long break from the arguments or long winded philosophical conversations over your common problems.

As far as your wife wanting you around on holiday occasions, anyone's guess could be right. Who knows,right? You probably know better than any of us. But what you should ask yourself, since this matter of holidays seems to have you an affect on you, is if going to these holidays events is something YOU want to do.

I think the bottom line is that seperation matters get so complicated, that if your feeling scared at anytime that things may take a really bad turn, then getting some professional help may be a good option.

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Originally posted by jaspercat:
[qb]I have a whole other take on the situation. I don't think you stated enough points to the situation, such as, why she decided to seperate, if there were some specific reasons.

In any matter, I think another reply-er made a really good point and thats that sometimes people get seperations because, even though they truly love someone, they need some space sometimes - just to stay sain. Why else would someone want a seperation instead of a divorce? And space sometimes means getting a really long break from the arguments or long winded philosophical conversations over your common problems.

As far as your wife wanting you around on holiday occasions, anyone's guess could be right. Who knows,right? You probably know better than any of us. But what you should ask yourself, since this matter of holidays seems to have you an affect on you, is if going to these holidays events is something YOU want to do.

I think the bottom line is that seperation matters get so complicated, that if your feeling scared at anytime that things may take a really bad turn, then getting some professional help may be a good option.[/qb]

Thanks for reply, i actually love going to the family functions because my own family isn't really close and her family is alot of fun, i also get to spend time with my children which is very important to me. The one thing that has me frustrated and confused is,its hard not to think she is not pushing for divorce because she has no job since she gave up working to have children and now is going back to school to become a teacher which i agreed to pay for. Alot of the issues she was unhappy with i have made great strides to change and i think i am doing a great job. but because we are separated she doesnt get to see them on a regular basis. well thanks for the advice.