I have been divorced for 5 months and one question my attorney did not clearly answer: "If I am the non-custodial parent paying over $600 per month in child-support, excluding the divorce decree specification of me paying half of medical/dental insurance deductible, what I am obligated to pay? My ex-wife is "pressing the issue"...

Thanks,
Buck

P.S. She enrolled our daughter in private school, without my endorsement; so, 75% of the child-support check is "burned up" by this...

Depends on what exactly your support order says as well as the divorce decree. Your best bet is to get back ahold of your attorney and ask about this specifically. Not all court orders are worded the same or include the same obligations. For example they may state that you are to pay "x" amount of extra cirricular activities, "x" amount of medical costs beyond just the deductible.
Could be that you may need to get it ammended to reflect such concerns if it doesn't specifically cover this issue if an agreement can't be reached.

Thanks Don...I am, per decree, to pay 50% of extracirrucular activities (mutually agreed upon) and 50% of the insurance deductible. Now, I guess the question is, "Am I liable/responsible for 50% of clothing and etc. that she purchases...she is the custodial/primary parent and receiving finacial support?
Ok, she divorced me and I do "nothing" for her, but was is legitimacy of her financial request?

You don't have to pay 50% of clothing etc. that she purchases, same as you can't deduct any purchases you make from the child support amount.
I'm not 100% about the private school reimbursement. I take it you share legal custody? That is the type of decision that is supposed to be mutually discussed and decided with joint legal custody.

Yes, we have joint custody and we discussed the private school question; before, during and after the divorce.
She is fully aware of my financial situation: house payment, an equity-loan (in which I paid {house buy-out} her $20K), and the child-support payments, but she just keep givng me receipts and sending e-mails requesting "more"!
I had asked my attorney specifically about the private school and was told I was NOT mandated to pay for that and that if I did start paying for it, it could set a "precedence" for future modification.
Yes, I was "all for" private school before the dissolution of our marriage, but she made an arrangement with me not to relocate (to remain in our home)in regards to joint custody and parenting time; yet, the request for money never ceases even though I'm at my limit.
I am calling my attorney in the a.m.; I just don't like to "operate" in a gray area. I just have to know, "What I am I required to pay for?"
Then, how do I handle the former spouse in the meantime...I better think on that!
Don, thanks for your prompt replies.
Sincerely, Buck

Your welcome Buck. Absolutely your best bet in this situation is speaking with your attorney, and let him/her know about these additional requests for money. In fact it's always a good idea to keep copies of all of this, and a journal/calendar as you go along.

I apologize for the "gap" in my reply, but I did check with my attorney. I am only responsible for what the decree states, which would be: child-support and 50% of medical insurance deductibles. She also stated outside of feeding, bathing and caring for my children, while in my care I am not financially responsible for a penny.
I guess I need "coaching" on this issue for my ex-wife keeps telling me it is for the kids, but the manicures, pedicures, acrylic nails, spa weekends and trips to the casino haven't slowed for her; I guess she thinks her financial budget is the same as when we were married. (over $100K)
She files for divorce, receives the same, some equity money and tells me she "is moving on with her life", but never fails to "speed-dial" or e-mail me when she feels there is a need for money for the kids need school clothes or shoes.
How does one handle this without "thermo-nuclear war"? I am tired of taking her "flak" for working on my deck and etc....I can't buy three gallons of stain?

---Buck

Tell her once that you will only pay the c/s and half medical and that you take care of their needs when they're with you and she should be expected to do the same. Then, every time she emails you requesting more money, email her a copy of the decree with the part stating what you pay hi-lited, with no other response. LOL! She'll probably never stop asking for money, she seems to be pretty selfish if you ask me, but at least your response will let her know you're not going to venture outside of what the court has mandated. Maybe if your lucky, her requests will at least become a little more infrequent. Just a thought...

I like that idea actually. A way of responding without responding. I would try to not even let it become a discussion, state your stand on it one time and leave it at that. If she goes thermo-nulcear over it maybe have your lawyer draw up a letter to her, or maybe eventually the nuclear fallout will just clear up.

Don and Alex, thanks for your replies. I agree with Don...Alex, I like the idea of the decree being copied then e-mailed...
In the meantime: I have started back to school, got hunting trips planned in October and November; plus, I got a promotion in my "sights" at work. It's been almost six months since D-Day, I think it is all going to be ok.

---Buck

Of course it will all be ok!! Just keep up with CS as stated in the decree and u will be ok. If you wanna buy them clothes, etc for her house thats ur choice. Good luck q/promotion.

Don #4136
I want to "thank you" for your advice back in September...things have "settled down".
A mutual friend was listening to my ex-wife complain about me and the money issue...our mutual friend asked her if the roles were reversed, if I divorced her and asked for money beyond CS and insurance deductibles, would she feel obliged to give me money..."Well, no not really".
In addition, she has made comments that her original hope was that the CS money would be "extra" to provide a cushion for her...? I felt this would come out sooner or later; as no suprise, her discretionary spending such as: gambling, parties, weekend spa getaways have not been effected.
I heard she has "maxed-out" a couple credit cards; now, I wonder how long she can afford the house she purchased and how strong I will have to be not to be an enabler in subsidizing her "good-times".
On a positive note: I have completed 1/3 of my masters degree with all A's, will get a "healthy" promotion in mid '06 and I have kept detailed journals; plus, e-mails in which I had to take time off from work to keep my children when she went on a gambling weekend and then, a spa weekend. In addition, I have had to pickup my children late on school nights at her parents' home because she had "plans".
So, at the one year mark, per my attorney, I will meet with her to file and request to have my custody modified to 50/50 and then, the CS lowered by approximately $400 per month.
I have been keeping my children 55 to 60% of the time. I hope I don't regret "dropping the hammer", but as a man I feel a duty to have it legally documented that I do have an interest in the welfare of my children and I am more than fulfilling my obligation in caring for them without reservation in my refusal to pay pseudo-alimony.
I was wondering how you feel about this...am I going about this in the wrong manner?

Thanks...Buck

Buck,

Actually you are doing everything right. What everyone has told you was 100% correct in follow the court order, don't go beyond it, and now that she is changing the rules of the court order so should the child support and everything else with it.

Remember that no matter how you feel about her, she is not your wife anymore. This I keep telling myself too everytime I see my EX even though we are still legally married. If she falls flat on her face because of her lifestyle, let her. If you bail her out then she will only keep on doing it until you let her fall flat on her face. Bailing her out only will prelong the process and put you at a set back because you lost money at her expense. Whether you hate her or love her, you want this for her. Either it will make or break her in the long run, either way you might be inheriting full physical custody of the children (Even if her problem is temporary, if she has to give up full custody for even a day, get it in writing and you won't lose custody until either you give it up willingly or mess up which is not likely). Once you have full custody, everything will be in your court. You sound like the type of person who not only makes more then enough to support his children, but won't care for child support because of this and just take full custody granting her visitation when ever she wants. If that happens in the end it would probably be better for both of you. Not sure what you want but it is a possibility if she is going down the path you suggest she is.

Good to see you check back in Buck.
Sounds like you've been doing the right thing by keeping journals all along. Custody percentage will certainly affect child support amounts so having what you state to be already at least a 50/50 time spent, put in a court order sounds like a possibility to me. The other side of that coin is going in for a modification if it takes place after your promotion that will be taken into consideration as well when figuring out an adjusted support amount. And not sure how healthy of a promotion it is, but even if you do have a new support amount figured before then she could ask for another modification if it's determined that your income has changed by 25% at any time, otherwise modification hearings typically can be held at 2 year intervals regardless.

Just be sure to stick to just the basics of the facts of the times you've had the children per your journal, and don't get into the "hearsay" stuff you got from your mutual friend. The judge isn't really going to want to hear it, no matter how true it may be and same with her finances no matter how true it may be. You have plenty on your side with the facts of how much you've had your kids and your journal to document that, simple facts speak volumes to a judge.

Congrats on the progress on your degree and the A grades. Very nice.