Hello everyone...

My name is Justin St.Charles, I am 23 years old and I live in Coquitlam BC Canada. My daughter's name is Kayla and she is 30 months old, and I have a step daughter named Juliet who is 8.

I am going through a lot right now...and there is not much support - I have no family really; the little family I do have is not concerned with me...and my friends cannot offer any kind of real advice.

I got married March 10th 2007...and what a mistake it has turned out to be.

My wife has left us...she has chosen to embrace a life of whatever she wants with no strings attached and with no parental responsibilities.

Her name is Melanie, and she had Juliet when she was 16 years old. Most everyone I have spoken with about this agrees that this is a classic example of what happens when you have kids to young.

The problem here is that I dedicated everything to this family and my marriage. I quit smoking weed completely before my daughter was born, I quit drinking (which I was a rare thing for me to do anyways), I removed any and everybody from my life that did not line up with my new morals, I became a born again christian and changed so much about me. I am a 100% dedicated father and husband - I have never cheated...I dont even really talk to other females, and I have always put the kids and my wife first.

Because of my dedication to my daughter, I can honestly sit here and tell each and everyone of you that she absolutely adores me and I would venture off enough to say she simply loves me more than Melanie. She clings to me and always says things like "I love my daddy" and if I simply leave the room for a moment and come back she says "I missed you daddy!". In the mornings, sometimes I wake up to Kayla brushing my head gently and rubbing my back. My point? This is a lot easier considering how much she loves me. She has not acted differently at all...and Melanie has been gone for 3 weeks.

To make this long story short, on a friday night (october 26th) Melanie claimed to be going out to a movie with a friend...I had a bad feeling, but put up no fight about her going. Four hours passed by and she wasnt home...no phonecall...no text message...nothing. I knew then something wasnt right. So again, long story short...she came home at 4:30am absolutely wasted just reaking like alchohol...she knew I was really mad and disappointed so she chose to gather clothes and bathroom items and leave instead of facing me and dealing with the problem. Eventually I discovered her to be inside what is our complex commonhouse where our mail comes and the complex manager does his work...only, there was someone else there with her...another guy, who was also drunk. I ended up chasing him and attempting to throw a massive rock bigger than my head at his face, but he ran and jumped over the fence and proceeded to tell me that "you dont know who you are F***ing with". After that event, Melanie left...however, after the fact she SWORE up and down time and time again that she was not with that "guy" and she "never" seen him before in her life. Well, now we'll fast forward about two and a half weeks...Kayla and I went to sleep at 10pm...and then, 11pm rolls around and my phone rings...it's Melanie...she says she is coming to get "all" of her things. I asked who she was with, she said "Michael"...I said no, ABSOLUTELY not..."you are not bringing a guy I have never met inside my house to get your things at this hour with my daughter sleeping in my bed beside me...COME TOMORROW when I am at work and not around"...but, did she do that? No. She still came. A truck pulled up, and I proceeded to exit my house and see who this guy was...and, waddaya know? It's the guy I chased with a rock that she swore she never knew. At that very moment, my world came absolutely crashing down. My head...my heart...and my soul was spinning very quickly into a downward spiral...and for me, that event was the final nail in the coffin. I dont feel anymore that I need to know the details about anything...I just want her to be away. Far away. For good...and besides this event, there have been so many other times that it took everything in me to forgive her for things she had done...example?...well say, killing my unborn child twice against my will...forgiving two abortions against my will. I can go on, but now you have an idea of the potency of the things I had to forgive since being with her.

So, what is unique about my situation is that I have my daughter...Melanie CLAIMS that she will give me full custody but even if she is lying I will be able to get it anyways...Total child neglect and abandonment here...not to mention my step daughter Juliet...she is now out of her familiar home and living with her biological father. Melanie claims she is giving him full custody of Juliet, but Juliet often messages me on the internet saying she misses me so much and she just wants to come home - but I have no control over that. I have a fulltime job, and I am in acceptance now of what this all is...my only problem is to find a way to either divert and/or deal with the pain that rises here and there.

This townhouse is being rented out in Melanie's name...her name is on the tenancy, and I am afriad of having that held over my head...she has been acting so spuratic lately that she could just come and have me and Kayla removed by law and we'll have nowhere to go...however, this morning I talked to the landlord (because we live in subsidized housing which means your rent is determined by your monthly income) and he tells me that if Melanie tells him differently then what I have told him (which is what I have told all of you but in greater detail) then I have to be able to prove that what I am saying is true and he'll do his best to have my name switched over to the tenancy. Tonight Melanie "promised" over MSN that she will give me full custody and the house...but I can not trust anything she tells me. Also...I am not even sure if I want to stay in this house...I feel like I want a fresh start - but if I leave I will be giving up this awesome price for rent..I pay $288.00 a month for a 3 bedroom townhouse. So I have some thinking to do.

Most of all, I just want to find some way to deal with this anxiety and pain...I do not have many people...or, many people that can offer me any kind of advice anyways...I just want to move forward with my daughter Kayla and start building a future like we should have been doing in the first place..but Kayla needs a healthy and strong Me...but also, as much as she needs me...I need her as well.

sigh.

-Justin

What a horrible situation to be in. I'm very sorry you're having to go through it.

concentrate on the relationship you are wanting with your child and seek legal advice. There are steps to take if you're wanting sole custody and don't give any weight to the words of someone who doesn't follow through with what they say. Many lawyers will give you a free one time consult. Also check into you're areas social services if you're needing assistance. (I'm not familiar with Canada...sorry)

There are many steps you have to take to get sole custody.... so my best advice is act early and keep your conversations short and simple with your wife.

Good luck

Hey Justin,
Glad you found us....I was also left with my kids ...full custody. I'm not familar with the way things in Canada work...but I know there are a lot of Canadians here...hang out...keep checking in...I know there lots of folks that can offer some advice.

Hang in there.

share vent, share a couple of jokes, have a good laugh, make new friends. I don't know how canada works, welcome. i'm glad that you found us.

Well, I know that I qualify for what we call Legal Aid down here because the income I make is JUST shy of the qualification limit..by one or two hundred dollars - so that means I got a lawyer to take care of my business for free...

I changed my phone number last night because I was getting harassing and threatening text message after message and a couple of calls. So now Melanie has absolutely no real way to contact me.

I need to know if it would do me anygood to contact Social Services...you know? The Childrens Ministry...the people that take kids away from neglectful parents and etc?

Any ideas?

-J

Personally, if you were in your steps. I would speak to attorney. I would hate to see that around bite you later now.

I was there, been through that. I was living with my EX wife in Pa when she kicked me out of the house (Well, I came home to some clothes on the porch and a note) After a short period of time, not sure if it was Monday or the following weekend as it was March of 2005, she gave me our children who were 1 and infant at the time. Then 2 weeks after kicking me out I took her to dinner for her birthday where she admitted to me that she cheated on me with someone who I dispised (was a friend, he got psychotic so I told him to leave me life so he used my ex wife to get back at me). Well ... that day I wrote up a contract and named it Divorce Agreement. In there it stated I have physical custody of the children, she had visitation rights. Then it stated that if this man was to EVER be near our children again, she would automatically forfeit her legal and physical rights to the children. This contract I learned was binding as long as I had it notorized!

To this day I still have custody of the older children and she does have custody of the 2 younger children that were born after seperation (She was pregnant with one while we were seperating then a year later we tried to work things out, didn't work out when she tried to have me killed by the man she slept with behind my back). Needless to say when she showed a lawyer the contract, she was horrified and scared because she stated that I convinced her to sign her rights away.

It is legal and free to do if you have a computer. I would have a witness present as my ex tried to tell a judge I forced her to sign it (my mother witnessed it and AIM messages stated she admitted that I was a better parent and that was why she signed the paperwork willingly).

That is my immediate advice to you on custody as that is the most important thing to get squared away. Oh, jsut to note that it must have been hard to change who you were as a person for your child, so good job on bettering yourself to be a good rolemodel for your child. Interesting how our children do that to us. As for the house, I would work on trying to relocate so that you don't have to worry about anything coming back to haunt you. Since she in unpredictable and seems to be manipulated by this Micheal guy, I would not take any chances on her doing anything to remove you from the house. If you were on the lease then you would be 100% fine withalways having a home.

The bad news is that since she is on the lease, she can come and go as she pleases legally without anything anyone can do about it including the police. Moving would be the best thing or getting her removed frmo the lease. The good news though is that from a legal view she is legally still responsible for the rent so if both of you are on the lease, she has to pay you 50% of the rent until the contract expires. If she is 100% on the lease, you just need to find a place and move out, it is her problem if the bill doesn't get paid and comes back to haunt her.

That is the legal points I know of that may help, anything else I can help you with please let me know and keep up the good work, us good fathers are hard to come by in todays world so it is nice to hear from one who society would tell you would be the worst father yet turns out to be the best kind! Good luck to you and send me a message if you need any more legal advice.Oh, get that contract written up fast (Here is something she would most likly go for IF the lease is in her name and no one elses. Find a place to live and offer her the townouse as a place to live if she signs. If she goes for it then she deserves to not have custody since she put a house before her child)

Good luck

Glenn..maybe if you have MSN you can add me to it.

justinstcharles@hotmail.com

if not, could you write me an email with the contents of this Divorce Agreement you speak of and what I should write in it?

thanks...much appreciation.

ps-does it help much that I have MSN messenger chat history of her saying she "promises" to give me the house and custody of Kayla? I also have text messages on my phone of her not only threatening to "kill" me if I lose this house for her, but I have messages of her talking about coming to pick up the rest of her things with her "boyfriend"..I replied that if this Michael character comes here he will be arrested like the police told him he would be...she then proceeded to say "its not the same guy you stupid F***er".

?

Even though basically everything is in favor of me with the ball being totally in my court, I still cant stop these overwhelming feelings of anxiety and uneasiness.

Basically just to cover myself and my daughters well being I have to do all these things involving court and etc, but somehow inside I feel like I am taking away everything from Melanie...and somehow I feel bad. I still love the woman, she gave me my daughter...however, I do know there is nothing left to salvage for us...

I dont know, I am a mess. I just want these feelings to go away. I hate feeling like this. I don't know what to do with myself. All regular activities of mine no longer provoke any interest.

This whole thing has turned so nasty and I am not a person that enjoys conflict or drama. I feel so lost and consumed...being sucked into a downward spiral of anxiety and uneasiness.

Justin... becoming a single parent and knowing the other partner isn't there to assist is nerve racking. When my happy married world came crashing down one day, i had the same feelings you're having.

One thing happened shortly after... I became closer to God. I learned to have faith. I also learned to trust God's plan. Whenever I am consumed in extreme fear and anxiety... I prayed and asked God to take it from me. Sometimes I felt his blessing.

^^^thanks...I really appreciate that. You too Tessmit.

Ah, I did forget to say that, thank you for mentioning it! Document EVERYTHING. If you ever ave to go to court it really impresses a judge when you are asked a question and you say, "Give me a second, let me refer to my notes for that date on what exactly happen!" In fact, the way I did it was that I used a word document and Just wrote a paragraph begining with the date for every event.

One other thing I would do it write a seperate one for your children, like a journal of their accomplishments. Like when she writes her anem for the first time (or in my case bangs me over the head with a doodle pad at 6am in the morning to show me she can write her sister's name, couldn't be mad at her even though it kind of hurt).

As for the divorce agreement, I can write one up for you real fast but it was basically what I stated, I wrote a word document with the terms I wanted and at the end I put a line to sign for her and for me. I would include a witness signature which is something I didn't do even though it isn't as important (something to prtect you from lies in the future).

My e-mail is WilliamW1979@netscape.net or WilliamW79@yahoo.com (William is my first name but I go by my middle name Glenn) if you need any help with it. If you like I can take my current court order that I have right now and write up a blank one for you that you can fill out if that would help you but I doubt you would need to go that far.

I do have MSN which I use the netscape e-mail address for that, but I am usually on AIM (or AOL, same thing) with WilliamW1979. I leave it on 24-7 so if I don't reply right away, it is because I am away from the computer.

When I get a chance, I willl finish my documentation program and send you a copy. I already wrote the calendar program (I made it stand alone but attached it to my recipe program). I am struggling with the printing a little bit but once it is done, I would be glad to send it to you to use (for free of course). Just a heads up though, it will take some time for me to do but I would be glad to keep you posted.

I feel really good now folks...on top of the world. The house got switched to my name...the locks got changed...I completely analyzed what this whole situation was...and even the start of Melanie and I until now...and total acceptance has occured, which meant no more reason to feel any pain..anxiety..or stress about it. Goods news eh? I got my strength back...200%. I have become very organized with this situation which included a very detailed budgeting list...a daily schedual of things to do...and both short and long term goals to work towards for my daughter and I. I have always been a survivor...my whole life, this is just another stepping stone. I tip my hat to those of you that were kind enough to speak words of encouragement to me. Thank you.

As for Melanie...she has been emailing me saying "I miss my children...I miss my home...and I miss you " and other things of that criteria...but I did not and will not give in. Trust is completely and totally gone, and her and I are in contrast with one another...

I know better this time around.

-Justin

quote:

Originally posted by Justin St.Charles:
I feel really good now folks...on top of the world. The house got switched to my name...the locks got changed...I completely analyzed what this whole situation was...and even the start of Melanie and I until now...and total acceptance has occured, which meant no more reason to feel any pain..anxiety..or stress about it. Goods news eh? I got my strength back...200%. I have become very organized with this situation which included a very detailed budgeting list...a daily schedual of things to do...and both short and long term goals to work towards for my daughter and I. I have always been a survivor...my whole life, this is just another stepping stone. I tip my hat to those of you that were kind enough to speak words of encouragement to me. Thank you.

As for Melanie...she has been emailing me saying "I miss my children...I miss my home...and I miss you " and other things of that criteria...but I did not and will not give in. Trust is completely and totally gone, and her and I are in contrast with one another...

I know better this time around.

-Justin

Very good! You are not making the mistake I made so I am happy to hear that! Keep those locks changed and her away from your heart.

quote:

I feel really good now folks...on top of the world. The house got switched to my name...the locks got changed...I completely analyzed what this whole situation was...and even the start of Melanie and I until now...and total acceptance has occured, which meant no more reason to feel any pain..anxiety..or stress about it. Goods news eh?

Awesome Justin. It sounds like you found a path and the strength you need.

Best of wishes!!

Tess