Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Divorce / Seperation How do I stop being angry?|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I have been separated for over a year now and still go through periods when I am truly angry at my ex. For lots of reasons. For giving up, for not having a job for months at a time and most importantly for not showing little concern for his son. He shows some concern but, not as much as I hoped he would being that I am the primary caretaker for my son and he only gets to see him every other weekend and sometimes on Wednessdays. Now with the financial situation not looking good I am needing a second job. If you have any relaxation techniques let me know. Thanks
|
||
|
|
On the Board |
I've been raising mine by myself for the last 8 years. There are still times I struggle with it. Then I remind myself what I'm sparing my children of by not being with him, and all of a sudden, no amount of money could buy the peace that comes with it. Focus on the positive. Do the best you can with the negative. Not to preach, but here are some great Bible verses I have clung to--they've proven true!!!
Psalm 68:5, Philippians 4:19, Philippians 4:13, Galatians 6:9, Isaiah 40:28-31...just to name a few! Keep smiling!
|
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
I could use some input on the issue.My ex was the one ,everything about her was great.When she lost her job she started drinking heavily.I tried everything,but it was in vaine because I now know it was her problem.The court case was hard the kids were bummed.We had it all,We had a nice house in carlsbad,I worked overtime to make sure we had enough.We had 4 beautiful children.To this day,even thru concelling,I get so angry this all evaporated because a drink.I cant get in my ex wifes head to find out why she threw it all away.We were so happy,are friend were floored when we separated.Sometimes I think I pass up dates because I think some day she will come right.I cannot bring back the one I loved,this breaks my heart and makes me angry.I do have my kids and that is very important,but I dont think the pain of loosing my wife will ever go away.
|
|||
|
|
On the Board |
I'm like WAY over my ex-husband. He's kinda the nightmare you'd find on America's Most Wanted. So I can't relate to missing the spouse. BUT...last year, my fiance (a 39 year old widow) and love of my life, showed up at my work with his new girlfriend (26, immature, and a complete airhead) only 3 hours after having sent me an INCREDIBLE gift. Oh yeah, by the way, it happened to be last Valentines' Day this happened. He was my whole world. I have never loved a human being like I loved him. We spent every waking moment together along with our 4 children (his two and my two). I rode his roller coaster and walked his valleys with me. After 13 months, it ended in a huge betrayal. I'm pretty sure he had no intention of getting busted that day. He's still with her, and I have had a nightmare of a time getting over him. I hope for his children's sake he doesn't marry this girl, but I've come to accept he MIGHT. I didn't go more than 3 days a week without crying--for almost a solid year! I'm still struggling, but I've realized there is not a thing I can do about HIS choices. It breaks my heart to watch his children suffer (and I have to see them 5 days a week--they go to school where I teach). He looks terrible. I believe it was a midlife crisis that sent him to be so stupid, but he looks older and fatter than I could've ever imagined him. He's coloring his hair, grown a beard, gained at least 30 pounds, and in an attempt to feel "younger", he has begun to look at least 15 years older. I miss the good part of him. I have to realize that he has a problem though that he has allowed to take over his rational decision making. As much as I love him, as much as it still hurts, I KNOW it is best for me and MY children. I just have to let go of the rest. Of course, it has been a YEAR, and it still stays with me all day every day. I'm hoping if I can just hang in a little while longer, he'll be just a speck in my memories.
Hang in there. Keep looking out for your precious children and remember they are a product of the beautiful side of their mother. However, their mother has to want to help herself--YOU can't change her! I hope you start to feel a whole new world of peace soon!
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I may not totally understand what it is you are going through but, I can definitely relate. My ex was also a heavy drinker. I tried to deal with it for as long as I could. It was actually him that broke it off though he just couldn't take my constant nagging on the drinking issue. A person that has a drinking problem seems to change everyone around them including their spouse. It is like we take on new behaviors because of their problems. I took allot of blame in our relationship for things not working out but, when it came down to it I wasn't the one who had the problem. People can change only if they want to if they don't then we need to lead our own lives to make us happy. Easier said then done I know. Hang in there... |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
I admire you so much for being able to raise your children by yourself. It sure does take allot of patience when you are used to the extra help. It does seem though as time passes it gets easier. I am still dealing with my anger issues in the best way I can by exercising and just concentrating on my beautiful baby boy. I think life is too short to be angry for any length of time. Take care... |
|||
|
|
"Parent on Board" Parent on Board |
Laura,
I have been separated for a year and a half. I still feel lots of anger towards him, it, or whatever. I don't like claiming him as my husband. And I hope the divorce is over soon. (Im filing soon) Tonight I talked to him on the phone because my 5yr old told me how dad got pulled over. So I just wanted to know what all happened. So we started talking about fitness centers cause I am wanting to join sometime soon. I just ended up getting really ticked at him cause he comes and goes whenever he wants. Doesnt see his girls during the week. Now he does pick them up usually on Fri eve till Sat eve but it's always at his convience as far as the time to pick them up or if something pops up he calls at the last minute to say he'll pick them up on Sat eve instead. Most the time it's fine. But it makes me mad that he thinks he doesnt interfere with my schedule. But I just think it's so unfair that he can run around with his friends all the time! I often wonder why he doesnt stop in to see his girls. He has a couple times but only for a min or so. But he has stopped down in the nieghborhood to visit a friend of his and never stops here. And of course the fact that he sometimes skips child support payments or doesnt pay me the full amt really ticks me off too. There is just so much that has happened in the past that I just can't be nothing but a freakin nag to him. He just plain burns me up! I just can't believe how irresponsible and selfish he is. I can't believe he would rather give up than try to get counseling. But he is who he is. I don't see that ever changing. And I can't pretend to be happy with him. So it's great that were not together cause I was constantly mad at him for something dumb or irresponsible he did. I get mad at myself for even falling for him. But he changed over time and I would have never married if we didn't have a child together. Sometimes I ask myself if I love him. I dont know. I think I love the person he used to be. I wish he'd love me and that makes me sad. But then I remember what a big fat jerk he is. Oh well. He made me miserable and I feel like I hate him for it. And I still feel miserable cause this is not the life I want. I try not to think about it all too often. I more less focus on the future and my goals. I used to type letters to him but never sent them just to get things out of my system. I prayed and prayed. I thought at one time I could just forgive but it's really hard. I learned that anger is a big part of depression. I can pretty much keep my anger under control now that we are not together. I used to punch the heck out of my pillow and ball my eyes out. Or punch the wall. Then the pain usually made me forget for a min.lol Your not the only one. I'd love to just let it all go. Maybe someday I can. |
|||
|
|
Board Member |
Hi Just wanted to let you know that I read the verses and psalms from the bible, very inspirational. Thankyou. Do you know anymore that may benefit? As to how to stop being Angry. Forgive and move on. Write a letter to your ex partner expressing exactly how you feel about the situation, write down everything. Re read what you just wrote to him. Don't send him the letter though, this was just a release for your anger. You will feel better by getting it all off your chest. Now move on , there is someone special waiting for you out there. just let your heart heal first. Read the bible and try and understand how you can apply it to your life, it is very enriching. Best wishes to you, You are Special and don't you forget it.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
Hi Laura: I love this site I can relate....This is my theory... I can't hate my son's father without him my son would not exist. Therefore I decided long time ago to be independent .... When I get stressed and upset I pray or I sing.... either "I will Survive" or " I am a woman" until I get tired. That is besides reading the Bibble... I also pray a lot and thank God for my eyes so I can see my son grow and smile, my little apartment where my son son has his own room, my health so I can work and provide for my son, my legs so I can play and run with my son I focus in every positive way I can. I love to volunteer a lot sometimes is an eye opener so I realized how lucky I am.So guess what? Now I do not have time for negative thinking it my last 1hr maybe but is up to me not to take over my life. Anger has left the premises ! Wish you GOOD LUCK!  Write if you wish I am here! |
|||
|
|
"SEEKING: 25th hour & 8th day" At A loss for Words - NOT! |
Hi all,
I have been reading this post and had to share something I learned from a very dear friend. One of the most powerful things you can do for your self in life is to forgive those who have done you wrong. You do not have to say to them "I forgive you", most of them will not get it. The forgiveness is for you not them. Realize we all make mistakes and wrong choices in life but it is that we choose to learn from them that makes us stronger. I still get angry about my ex and many other things that happen in my life and I still get angry at myself for some choices I have made in my life. But LET IT GO! Move on and NEVER FORGET THE LESSONS! |
|||
|
|
Getting My Feet (Board) Wet |
I loved my ex in our 15 yrs of being together but he just gave it all up for a older women with 3 kids. He has 2 young kids here but he sees them 3hrs aweek.. he sold my house from under me and took the car and left me with bits to show for our marriage. Its 3 years in november and I still cry for what we had. I am trying to hang on to something of my pride...lost my married friends and now it's just me and my 2 kids... it's getting better, I don't go to bed thinking of him and waking up thinking of him so much now.. when he got married it killed me, as my kids where bridesmaids to his wedding.. before that I had hope but now I am moving on slowly.
I do not talk to him but through texts.. I did talk to him before he got married, as he was still nice and caring. after he got married he changed, he was harse on the phone and cut my money... now I cant bare to talk to him or see him... I will not stop him seeing the kids.. Life goes on I guess.... IF YOU ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE.. YOU ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS HAD |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
My ex only calls the kids once maybe twice a month. He only sees them when I get money to take them to Bloomington, IL and when we go he only come and sees them for maybe two to three hours. I usually spend the weekend up there but he doesn't really spend that much time together. It did effect my girls but know it is no big deal they know dad is not available and mommy is My girls are really close to him. I want him to spend more time with his girls and talk to them more but like his coison told me you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do. I sometimes feel that his girlfriend and his weed is more important then his kids. I just stay strong and be the best mommy I know how to be to my girls.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
hi all, i a, new here, and can't figure out how to post a topic, hope this works!! my husband of ten years and i have recently seperated, 5 weeks ago. it was a very sudden and unexpected seperation, he just packed up one day while i was at work and moved to california. called me a week later and said he didn't want to be with me anymore...anyways...this is my dilemma..we have 2 children, ages 2 and 5, both girls. i know the 2 year old is just fine, but i am concerned about the 5 year old. her father told her he was going to be in california working for a little while to make money. well, 5 weeks has gone by now, he calls very little to talk to her, maybe...MAYBE...once a week, and hasn't seen her at all. i just have been keeping with the story that he is working in california, thinking that the more time passes, she will ask less and less. well, as it turns out, the more time passes, she is starting to ask about him more and more...statements like daddy has been gone for a long time, when is daddy coming home...we can't have family day, daddy is not here...it's all the time now. i would like some advice on how to tell her what is going on and WHAT do i tell her...i just have no idea. i don't want her to blame herself, i don't want her to blame me and resent me..i don't know what to do!! i just hate him for putting her through this, but that us another topic all in itself...any suggestions out there?? i'm lost on this one!!
|
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
|
|||
|
|
Board Member |
Hello Jani, I'm Liberty...
I am sorry to hear about your situation. One thing that I have learned was to avoid making excuses for the other party. It is not worth it. You may want to tell her " I know that you miss your Daddy and that he said that he will only be away for a little while, but it is taking longer. No matter how long your Daddy is away, know that I love you and that Daddy loves you very much." something along those lines. you may eventually have to tell her, "I am sorry that your Daddy does not call you like he said that he would.." the main thing is to make sure that she gets the love and attention from mommy that she needs and deserves. It is going to be harder on you because you are going to have the job descriptions of a mom and dad. I am sure that I do not stand alone when I say this....YOU CAN DO IT!! It will be blood, sweat, and tears but satisfaction comes when God's stregnth is made perfect in our weakness. Also, this is so much easier said than done but you have got to forgive him. It's sad that we as women end up with the sleepless nights,and broken hearts while the father of our children are getting a full nights rest and living life to the fullest! God Bless You Liberty |
|||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community | Page 1 2 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online | ||
| Servlet | eve1da045 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "Fall Style" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "SFV" | ||
|
Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Divorce / Seperation How do I stop being angry?
