Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Divorce / Seperation Divorce -So scared.Will I be ok?|
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I am New to SFV |
I'm a 33 yr old.When I met my husband we were very muchin love, we got married within a year and he always treated me and our following daughter great. I thought he was perfect. After 2 yrs of marriage I should have opened my eyes the first time when he talked me into a 3some with a girl he met in college, after 4 yrs I should have noticed he started to become more distant and sex became less. Over the next 8 yrs a whole soup of ingredients ended up on my plate. Loving him I always made excuses for his behavior but internally I knew I couldn t trust him. Things seemed to get worse by the year, and worst of all it all started to become my fault, for having extra pounds he wasn t interested in sex, for being bitchy he wasn t able to talk to me and felt alone,blabla...It has been a total of 13 yrs that I spent with him,12 married. Our daughter is an angel. She loves us both very much and is very fragile. She has witnessed fights between us that got badly out of hand and yet still she hopes we will always remain a family. Over the last 5 yrs I have had to admit more and more to myself that my husband was seeing hookers and spending large amount of money. He would sneak the money, take out $40 bucks here and there, he had a p/t job and claimed he wanted to do things for himself since all his other support went to the household. He is a liar, and yet I still love him and I get soft when I see him or speak to him. This week he topped it off and I m at the end of my patience. I had cought him before and from experience I know he only admit what he knows I have facts for which requires alot of snooping on my part. Monday,he left the house at 6:30 am telling me he was flying out at 8:30 with the first plane. a two hour frame is normal for him to leave. when his plane landed I couldn t get a hold of him and started to become mistrusting. on his cell bill i saw he had spoken to his legitimate masseuse and I quickly put 1 and 1 together and realized he saw her from 8am-9 and then flew out with the next plane. when he finally landed he txt msgd me that he was in a meeting. After a long day of bitter and sarcastic arguement we got nowhere and he admitted nothing. We didn t speak for a day and he send a proforma apology for his shameful behavior that I rejected. At the same time his work Amex got here in the mail and I opened it to see he had hired a hooker just 2 weeks prior to his hotel room.
I'm an at homestay mom, wonderful daughter and although I can t take this anymore I m afraid to the highest degree. Scared that financially I will not be ok. I m finally now attending college and have 1 1/2 yrs left to get my degree. The lawyer tells me there is no guarantee for the amounts of money I would receive. How can I make the decision to leave if I don t even know how to support us? Additionally I dont want my daughter to further be traumatized by having to move from our home and her school. It will be hard enough for her. I feel like I m stuck to deal with this and endure it. With every day my self esteem falls, my respect goes and my depression gets worse. Any thought on this matter? I fell like the dumbest woman alive and so trapped and yet I still feel so much emotion for him and I melt at the sight of him. That is so sick and I know it. Is that just the fear of loneliness and safety? Please share your experiences with me if youhave a minute. Thanks |
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I am New to SFV |
hi I am mew to this and hope I do it right. I am sep. and I am having a hard time right now. I am looking for some friends.
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I am New to SFV |
Hi,
I know exactly how you feel. I am in a similar situation as you. I also feel scared, lonely and insecure. I hate my husband for putting my son and me through this. My e-mail address is rashina*hotmail.*** . Perhaps we could keep in touch.
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I am New to SFV |
You are so not alone. My ex-husband was a *** addict, I can't even count how many women he has been with in our 4 years of marriage. Nor can I count the number of men, though he denies it, two admitted to it.
I went back and forth with him for 2 years, first it was phone *** (with men) then it was internet chatting and **** (with both) then I found out he had actually been stepping out from day one. It's a disease. But you have to make a choice, which is healthier for you and your child? To stay in a sick relationship like that? And possibly allow him to bring disease to you and your child? Or to leave and be on your own and yes, maybe struggle, but in the end, be so much better off. My ex was doing it all along, through both of my pregnancies etc. I can't believe he would risk their lives let alone mine. He actually believes that oral *** doesn't transmit STD's and he can't give anything to our young daughters (3 and 1)... it's just sick. I was scared too, for far too long. We even went on a tv show about it. And the therapist on the show was right, he had me trapped with fear that I couldn't do it on my own. I proved him wrong. I went out and got a job, filed for divorce, got legally separated instantly so I wouldn't be held responsible for his debt, got him out of the house, and now we're making it. Sure, we struggle, and I can't afford daycare so I have to rely on family and friends for the most part, but we're making it. Where there is a will, there truly is a way. And we are so much better for it. And if I even care to say that I am in the slightest concerned about my ex, I was enabling him, because he never had serious consequences for his actions, I wasn't going anywhere. Sure I get the, I'm in therapy, I am studying our faith, I'm totally dedicated, speech. But it's the same speech I've heard for nearly 2 years now. It isn't true, he never stopped seeing other women/men. Mine met all of his (as far as I know) online. What woman has the low self respect to have *** with a man she's never met before is beyond me... and a few had children of their own, frightening they would bring a stranger into their home. But that's how he did it. To think that yours is using professional hookers? That's even scarier. I force my ex to wash his hands, brush his teeth, rinse out his mouth and steralize most everytime he is around the girls. I refuse to allow them to be even remotely exposed to something he could very well be carrying. It's a choice, struggle a bit but be better off? Or risk having to get tested every month, and not just you, but your child as well... I found that the former was better. And I'm making it! You can too... you really can, it's scary, but it can be done. Trust me, it can be done. And there's a ton of help out there, from the state, non-profits, you name it, just be willing to work hard and you'll do great! And believe it or not, children are adaptable, and they understand. The sad thing is, they always know the truth. And it's better to protect them and show them that their parent (be it father or mother) who is behaving poorly, will suffer consequences for their behavior, and it isn't okay. |
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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Divorce / Seperation Divorce -So scared.Will I be ok?