I need advice from anyone who can help. I am separated for the 2nd time. This time like the last, about 8 years, and HE left, not me. this time, however, he was a chronic drinker every night. Completely functional during the day. But over the last 8 years he increased his consumption during the evening hours. He would sit and watch TV, and begin to fade as the evening progressed.

He now tells me, he was never in love, he just cared for me. ????? we built this 8 year relationship together, where i was in love and he was not. I am really confused right now. I understand the comfort level of being in a relationship, it sometimes is just easier to stay. But, he has left to nothing, he is completely rebuilding his whole "home" away from home. He says he needs to like himself again, he says he is confused, we cry on the phone for hours together trying to figure out what is going on.

It is not another woman.

Has anyone been and alcoholic, or been with one? I would like to understand so I can help him. Help us.

anyone? what is going on.

My first suggestion to you would be to go to an Al Anon meeting. I don't personally agree with everything they say, but it is great help in understanding the mind of an addict.

If he truly wants help, to change, to like himself, HE will only be able to do that for himself. No amount of love, understanding, compassion, patience, long suffering, ability to see the good in him, allowing yourself the pain of being there for him when he is unable to be there for you or even himself, will help him.

Al anon and/or a counselor who understands addicts and the people in relationships with them can provide wonderful support and insight. Best of luck to you!

I have heard the very words you are hearing, hoped the hopes that you are hoping. I am sorry for your pain.

Thank you so much for everything you said and suggested. I am just so torn. My sister who is recovering from alcoholism said I need to let him hit bottom. He will need to do it on his own. He will not hold his arms out to anyone for help, but when he hits bottom, he will hold his arms up.

Thank goodness for this site, i will not make it without it.