My sister has just recently left her husband for the second time and moved in with me. Little does she know, SHE DID THE RIGHT THING. She is the sweetest, most big hearted person anyone would want to meet. Her husband has run over her for 13 years now by cheating, lacking in financial responsibilities, verbal abuse, leaving all of the house work, cooking, and child care up to her. She has worked herself into the ground trying to make this man happy and he just reclines in his chair with the remote. The one thing that makes things different now from the last separation is that they have an adopted child who is 3. The child is acting out terribly. He is confused and misses his daddy. I am so scared that her husband is going to sweet talk her back into coming home just to make the baby happy. I wish she could find her self esteem and see how great life can be without being treated this way. I see signs and it looks like she will be going back to him in the near future. Things will change for a while and then everything will be back to normal. He is promising the world now but that’s typical of him. I suggested to her that he keep the baby one day a week consistently for the child’s sake not only for the baby but to give her a break as well. She brought it up to him and he has been thinking out it now for about 3 weeks. It’s simple, it cuts into his time and he’s not willing to do that unless she is there to take care of him. He has kept him twice over a 2 month period. Once when my sister was sick and once when the baby asked him. He does not have the greatest relationship with his other 3 children. My sister actually raised his oldest child for about 5 years. There is so much more that I am not telling. She deserves better!!! I wish I could jump into her body and take over so she doesn’t make any mistakes. I love my sister, she is my best friend. It is so hard to sit back and watch this. I try to stay motivated for her and give her good ideas. She actually listened to me for the first month but now it’s like it goes in one ear and out the other. I hope she opens her eyes.

They always say "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink"...your sister is going to do what she sees fit, no matter what advice you may give her (I was the same way once)...all you can do is be there to pick up the pieces if it all falls apart--that's part of being family. Good luck!

Livinlife took the words right out of my mouth. She probably knows in her heart that it won't work out but she has to be at that point where SHE has had enough. Everyone see's it but it is up to her to come to that point in her life. It sounds dumb, I can't explain, but sooner or later she will be ready for it to end. You don't have to understand and you won't unless you've been there, just hang in there for her.

She says if she goes back she will never leave again. I'm not sure that's true but it's just seeing her take his crap again and again and again and again. You right about leading the horse to drink, it's her life and she has to be the one to make her own choices. I just wish she could see him for what he really is.

Another one, "hindsight is always 20/20". Someday, after she's done with him, she'll look back and realize you were right all along. Unfortunately, you can always see things more clearly when you're on the outside looking in. She is too emotionally wrapped up in the situation at this point to logically realize what is going on, but trust me, some day she will have enough. It will hit her the most when she walks out the door and just feels like the weight's been lifted off her shoulders.

I feel so bad for your sister. It's hard to love someone and walk away when you know it's the best thing for you. Her life would be so much better if she could see that, but it sometimes takes a major breaking point for it to sink in.

The only thing you can really do for her is be the best sister you can, and support her emotionally right now. If you can, try to get her to see her situation in a positive way, as a strong, independent woman, who can be a wonderful mother and would be an even better one without being encumbered by a disabling husband. Yes, it will be hard to be a single parent at first, but if he's not willing to put forth the effort to be a 50/50 parent, then the child will be better off with one parent who is there for him 100% of the time.

Good luck to your sister, and good luck to you. Hang in there!