I'm not sure I'm posting this in the right topic, if not I'm sorry, I'm new to the board.

I recently got out of an almost 9 year long long distance relationship with my son's father who lives out of state. Even though he wasn't my daughter's biological father she also thought of him as a father also. In the 2 months since that time I have not heard a single word from my ex other than receiving child support checks when they were due.

My question is how do I explain to my children that Daddy doesn't want to see them anymore. That more likely than not they will not see Daddy again at least in the foreseeable future?
Even if I don't explain it in those exact words (which I wouldn't really) how do I handle things when my kids ask why we aren't seeing Daddy or about when they'll see him again.

I honestly have no clue here and would appreciate any input and suggestions anyone has.

While I have not been divorced and my daughter has not been here since I was six months pregnant, I would say that you can tell them the truth. Well age appropriate truth that is. No one can tell you the words that you need to use, only you can do that and honestly, I wouldn't bring it up unless they ask. I dont know what you could tell them. I plan on telling my daughter the truth: her spermdonor didn't want to be a dad but I wanted her so I had her on my own.

Good luck and please, post any where you like.

Thanks!!!!

For the most part neither of them have really even brought it up. DD's father is involved in her life, so while she did look up to my ex-boyfriend as a father figure I don't think it will affect her the same. DS really hasn't even mentioned anything other than his "father" except for the other night he casually mentioned going to MI (where ex lives) briefly in conversation and then never again mentioned anything.

I think they're both just so used to only seeing him twice a year as it is that I *think* it'll be quite so time before either really asks or comments on it.

Hi Mom2My2KidsEN.....
It was pointed out today that this thread was not responded too earlier. Sometimes that happens here and they slip through the cracks. Other times one doesn't quite know what to say or it may strike too deep a nerve for some to reply. Thats no excuse when you expect support here I know but it does happen. As a fairly involved member here I appoligize for myself for not seeing this and replying. I hope you're not offended or feel like you're not welcome her because of course you are welcome here along with everyone else. Some seem to think this thread was passed over because some of us have too much fun here and don't take life serious enough. Well thats not the case at all and for some who come here perhaps humor and fun is their way of support and being able to keep their head up.

So Welcome....

As far as yuor question here....honesty is always the best I think...depends too on their age. Avoiding it until their older is not wrong but making things up to spare them hurt is wrong I think. It will only hurt more when the truth comes out. Funny too is how kids have a way of figuring stuff out on their own so although I may choose my words carefully I don't lie to my daughter in regards to her mom.

quote:

For the most part neither of them have really even brought it up.

Stick to that as a guideline. Don't ask don't tell thing.....and when they do ask for a while keep it simple and vague. He's really busy working right now, or some other such thing. Let it evolve with time.

Thank you both Don & HannahsBoy!!!

HannahsBoy - I know life gets crazy and things slip through the cracks on boards, so while yes I did find it a bit disconcerting that there weren't many replies to this, I also understand that sometimes that is for any number of reasons other than just ignoring the poster.

Don - I honestly think that this is how I will handle things for now at least...the "don't ask, don't tell" approach I mean. I am a firm believer in being honest if/when they do ask so that won't go by the wayside.

Hello;

I am very new to SFV and have been taking the last couple of days to move through some of the forums just to see what is going on out there. I am not yet seperated, however, I fear it is not far away, and my son is almost 6 - very much old enouhg to ask why dady isn't home. Unfortunately the only answer I can give his is that "I do not know why daddy decided to stay away tonight but I am here" and I can only hope that that is enough until his dad does come home to spend some time with him. I have also tried asking him if he has any questions or if there is anything bothering him to try and talk about it on his level. So far he has tld me that something is bothering him he just doesn't know what. I don't push the issue with him I just make sure he knows that I will listen if he wants to talk.

I am also thinking of setting him up to see a councellor. I get free sessions through work and so I have set myself up for these and will be asking them if I should set him up with any in order to open up that communication.

I do not know if this has helped but I know it has helped me just to right it downa nd know that I am trying something to let him know that even though his dad is not around as much that I will always be there - no matter what.

There are 2 things that I recommend, first of all never lie. Even if it is to protect your child's feelings it will come back to haunt you later. Second, when speaking with your child if they are not ready to understand something, tell them that they are not ready to know. Answers like Mommy and Daddy have been having problems and decided that this was the best course of action to take for both mommy and daddy is good or Mommy and Daddy love you very much but mommy and daddy need alone time. There you are not lying, just leaving out the details that may bother your child.

Honesty is always important though, once you lie to your child and they realize it, you will never hear the end of it and it will cause MANY problems in the future in raising them.