Hi, I'm new to this and kind of just looking for advice and some help-this is a long story but I will try to start from the beginning. My husband proposed after he and I had been dating for only 3 weeks (not long-I know!) and we found out 2 weeks later that we were pregnant. Well we got married in May, and our baby girl was born in October. When she was only 2 months old, my husband took off saying he wanted a divorce. I REALLY don't get it... I know he couldn't put up with the baby stress which is why he took off... But common... We didn't have a bad relationship at all! Neither of us lied, cheated, held anything back from eachother... Things were always great. He keeps saying that he wants things to be back to the way they were before we started dating and that first month before he proposed. What he doesnt understand is that after that first month of us being together, I was pregnant, and then we had the newborn to deal with. I kept telling him that if he could just wait for things to settle down and get back into a routine with our daughter then things would be how they were before because I'm still that person he fell in love with, just that I have a child to take care of now. He has no problem coming over to my house (my daughter and I now live in a different house than the one he and I bought) and being intimate with me, but at the same time he can sit there and tell me that he doesnt love me and doesnt want to be with me. I'm just so heartbroken over the matter, because like I said our relationship was not bad at all! We had our moments, but he just couldnt put up with the stress. So now I'm trying to do anything I can to make my marriage work for my family... And he just doesnt seem to care. Not only that, I just got out of highschool a couple years ago, and some girls that I was friends with all of a sudden started hating me and started using mine and my husband family life against me saying things like I can't keep my husband happy, I cant keep my family together, even the man I married doesnt want to be with me... Really hurtful things like that and it's getting me to a breaking point where I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm gonna end this now even though I could go on about the situation forever. But anyone with any advice please help! I just really don't know what to do...

I am sorry you are suffering.

It is hard to make comment on a life situation based on a paragraph.
But it sounds like it is a case of selfishness.

It is hard to adjust to being a new parent.
The fact that he comes over and you both are still sleeping together, then he goes back to not being part of you little family. That is so sad.
The friends that are saying those things sure don't sound like people I would consider friends.
I wish you luck in finding a livable situation.
Welcome to the forums

I think it's time for you to set boundaries. Do not allow those sleepovers under these circumstances. If he can profess not to love you and want to be with you and the baby, and still get in your bed he'll continue to do that and you'll continue to feel this way.
If you really want to keep the relationship (rebuild it) talk to him about marriage counseling. See if he'll be willing to work on this with you with some outside help. I dislike seeing so many relationships go down the tubes, and I'm all for counseling to try to work things out, understand each other better. If he won't work on the relationship with you.....don't allow the physical part of it, it's not fair to you.

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
I think it's time for you to set boundaries. Do not allow those sleepovers under these circumstances. If he can profess not to love you and want to be with you and the baby, and still get in your bed he'll continue to do that and you'll continue to feel this way.
If you really want to keep the relationship (rebuild it) talk to him about marriage counseling. See if he'll be willing to work on this with you with some outside help. I dislike seeing so many relationships go down the tubes, and I'm all for counseling to try to work things out, understand each other better. If he won't work on the relationship with you.....don't allow the physical part of it, it's not fair to you.

I have to agree with Don.
Have been a young husband and parent myself, ( I was married at 19 and a father at 21) those kinds of responsibilities can be really overwhelming. They cause you to grow up or rebel,....and I think we know which he is doing.

I'm cant question whether he really loved you or not....only that he sounds like he was infatuated with you at first. So, do what Dont says....were here to back you up, as much as we can. We're glad you found this site, ...Welcome.

And while you're at it....ditch those b***hes! Those are no friends. What would you tell you daughter to do, if it were here?

Good luck, Sweety.

Thanks so much for all the help and advice so far. I guess this is a good site to get some feedback. And I totally agree with everyone saying that I need to cut off the physical part of the relationship if he's going to treat me that way. I've tried that before and I was doing really well with that, but I hit a breaking point. SO I guess I need to work on that a lot harder. And I've brought upthe suggestion of counseling and I even told him I would willingly pay all the expenses-he just doesnt seem to want to, but he did at one point in time want to do it! I think for him, not only is he being selfish and wanting to just live his life for him... He's only 23 now and still wants to live that kind of party life and just worry about himself and his money and his cars-he doesnt want to have to worry about taking care of another person or a baby for that matter-even though he was the one that wanted it to begin with...But I think another part of it is that he's already shoveled out the money for his attorney! He had to borrow money from a bunch of people to pay his attorney $1200 up front! I kept telling him that was money he didnt have to spend, and people keep telling me that their parents were seperated for years before ever divorcing. I think he thinks he's gonna look stupid after borrowing that much money for an attorney and then turning around and trying to work things out. I even told him that if he would be willing to at least work on things, I would pay him back the money he spent-even though I shouldnt have to but you know... That's how much I wanted things to work. My marrage and family has always ment everything to me and he kinds of took that away. I'll never have a first chance to make everything right.
But on a different matter, I'm definately NOT friends with thoes girls anymore. Just they say whatever they can to hurt me and a person can only take so much...

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, especially so young and with a little one. It's not easy, no matter how long you've been married.

Honestly, from what you said in the first post, it sounds like he's using you. He's coming over and you're still performing your "wifely duties" for him, even though he turns right around and hurts you and tells you he doesn't love or want you. If he doesn't want you, then why is he coming over to have *** with you???

Cut him off!!

If you allow him to keep doing as he wants, he's going to continue to treat you like a doormat. You've got to be strong for your child if not for yourself. Pick yourself up off the floor, dust yourself off, and show him that you're not there just for his entertainment. You're his wife.

If he wants it to be over, let him see what it's like for it to be over for a while. Let him miss you. Right now he's taking the drive-thru approach to marriage. He can go out and be free and party and do whatever he likes, knowing you're still home pining over him and he can just drive back through when he's ready for some "quality time" in the bedroom with you.

Marriage is about more than the bedroom. He's got to be willing to stick around and do his part too.

Don't let him make you feel this way, and definitely don't listen to anyone who tells you it's all your fault. He's the one who isn't happy right now, and it's because he's being a jerk. He's selfish and wants to dump all of the responsibility on you. Turn it around on him - file for a temporary order on him - child support and visitation. Make him take responsibility for his daughter too.

Hope you're feeling better about yourself soon, and I hope your husband pulls his head out of his a$$ long enough to realize what he's doing to you and your child.

It is not fair that you and your baby are treated this way and you deserve better. Listen to all the good advice listed here and do not let yourself get hurt again. If you tell yourself that it is over and concentrate on the things he is doing to hurt you then you will be able to get over this a little better, remember it will hurt but it will be the last time it does.

Take the time to enjoy it with your new born child and treasure every moment you have with your baby.