This is a bit long but I have not talked to anyone since june you see all of our friends suddenly became only his friends

So I left my husband june 2005 he is not from the US and has noone here he also does not work and is a student. I work full time and still pay for his life and mine. I have an apartment and we have joint custody. But he lives in my parents basement I can not even go to my mom's house to visit without him comming upstairs even though he has been asked to stay downstairs my parents want him to move out but know that he has no where to go and will not beable to find a job that will support him and pay rent. My parents don't want to kick him out because they are his sponser for his green card and they are scared of what he might do. He wants to stay at my parents house because it is a form of control a real issue our whole 7 year marriage he is a good dad to our 3 kids but he constantly puts me down and talks bad about me and to me in front of them. Telling them mommy left us. I left him not the kids. I am so at my end he pretends he does not understand my english when I try to have a serious conversation so then I speak in spanish i am 100% fluent so then he gets mad and leaves. I can not get any where with him. So here is the cherry on top he is a local hispanic pastor and has told everyone and I mean everyone that I left him for another man and that I abandoned my kids. Funny thing is there is no other man and I have my kids over half the time.
Thanks for letting me vent

Amy,

You found the right place!

I had a thought reading your post. Can your parents visit you at your apartment? I mean, they get to see the kids when he has them, they should make some time for just you to talk.

I also have a comment, culturally men from other parts of the world have very different ideas of what a wife and mother sould be. My best friend was married to a Hmong man and he was great - until she decided to go back to school and get a better job. He felt threatened or something. Talked aweful to her and the kids, and eventually became violent. He would often lecture her on her "responsibilities" as a wife and mother.

I really feel for you, your kids, and your parents who have to feel stuck in the middle!

They do visit my apartment but my mom is very sick and it is hard for her to walk up the steps to my place. He did feel threatned because I was working etc. He told me that he as my husband "had the resposibilty to be my dictator, authority, and controler and that his God!!!! expected him to make every decision because I was not capable because I was a failure as a wife and mother. I said well I can not belive in a God that would have you treat another person like that. Mind you he never acted like this until we moved back to the US 3 years ago. When he stated it is your falut we are in this #*!#&% country. It must be hard to be so mean all the time!!

I may not have answers, but you definately have my prayers!

Keep posting, keep venting. Go to the Guys only louge and have a good laugh. We all need one from time to time.

Good Luck! :huggies:

well my parents said they are going to kick him out but they are scared to because he does not have a safe place to have the kids when he has them you see we have joint custody plus in the past nine months he has gone 26,000 dollars in debt so he can not afford a place now it seems we are stuck

You know if he does not like this country there is no reason he can't go back to his.
I am sorry you are in such a rough spot. It really sounds like he needs to grow up a little bit. If he has gone into debt it is his problem not your parents. If/when he moves out he can show you the place to show that it is a safe enviroment for the kids. It really sounds like he is use to living off of other people and as long as people let him he will continue to do so.
I wish you the best.
God bless- the loving one.

Have you thought about going back to court to get sole custody and giving him visitation? If this is the way he is going to treat you, and if he is going to attempt to be a parasite on your family, he needs to have his custody situation rethought.

Give the judge the same info you've given us, and let him/her know that you want what is best for your children and are afraid of what he would do if kicked out of your parents' home but they feel trapped into supporting this deadbeat. It's not your fault he's in debit $26k. He's done that to himself obviously. There's no reason why your parents should have to keep up the responsibility of supporting him if he's a grown man. Doesn't his "god" look down on him not living up to his responsibility as a man and a father??

Just my thoughts. I hate the controlling men who use "God" as an excuse. It's just pathetic.

I'm really sorry if this sounds harsh, but a good father should not talk badly about their mother to his children. I would also be concerned on his general view of what a wife is. These are the type of morals you may want to ask yourself if you want your children to learn. I would definitely be asking for sole custody. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.