I'm new here. Let me give a brief backround..
I am a 23 year old mother of an almost 2 year old boy. I have been with his father for 4 years, living together for 3. We are not married. It's not a bad relationship but I feel like I need to be out on my own for awhile...I just am not even sure I want to be with him "forever". I feel like I have alot of things I need to do on my own...alot of things to figure out on my own. I am content where I am but not HAPPY. I know I could be happier on my own..I just don't know how to go about this. We have one car which is in his name..we have one bank account which is in his name..I have nothing of my own except furniture, clothing and household things. I stay at home with our son so I have no training in anything..I would love to go to college..but I just don't how I would make it with no job, no car...nothing really. Any advice from others? I just can't leave or feel good about leaving without having some sort of plan of how I am going to take care of my son and me. Thanks for reading!

Because you have a child together, you are going to be with this man forever one way or another. If you choose to leave, you are going to open the door for a whole new world of legal issues, financial problems, drama, visitation woes, new girlfriends, working long hours, daycare troubles, the list goes on and on. I know that being on your own might sound appealing, but it's a constant daily struggle. I would give anything for the oppertunity to be a stay at home mom. You have to do what is best for your child, not you. If you can hold it together until your child is 18, then I'd say, go do whatever the heck you feel like doing. If you go through this website and read some of the postings of the women who are alone, going through hard times, almost every reply starts with, "I know how you feel." or "I can totally relate." It's not just a coincidence that we go through the same difficulties because we are alone. It's the life that we have chosen for ourselves, and the hand that God has dealt us. If you are willing to give up being a stay at home mom for a 10 hour work day at mininum wage, and a $500 a month daycare bill, I guess go do it. Would it be in the best interest of your child to only see dad every other weekend? It won't be any different for you then it is for anyone else on this site. I'm only saying that you have a lot going for you and your child right now, and I wish that you would look at the postings here, and decide that you don't want that kind of life for your own child. If your relationship isn't that bad, like you said, I'd encourage you to bite the bullet and count your blessings. Most of the women here would give their right eye to have the living situation that you do. Ultimately, the decision is yours, but please think about the kind of life that you and your child are going to have on your own. Make this decision carefully, please.

woah woah woah woah, don't think for one minute that I would take a "domestic" life of being a stay at home mom over being a single mom just because it is "easier" than breaking up. If you are not happy in the relationship, you should not have to stay in it just because you "got it easy" Yes, custody battles stink, and working all the time stinks, but in all honestly, living a lie for 18 years just because its easier would stink ten times worse. Why should she be miserable in a relationship with a man she obviously doesn't see a future with just because she doesn't want to "deal" with court?! If you truely feel you are better off without the guy, I say go. Do you have friends or family you can stay with? You say you don't have skills, but as a mom you have built in skills. You could apply to work at a day care or pre-school. As a mom, you know how to do twenty things at once, so there is going to be something out there you can do. You could be a secretary or receptionist, those are entry level jobs that don't require you to ask if you want fries with that. When I left my ex, I had nothing, literally. The clothes I was wearing and ten dollars in my pocket. I was even forced to leave my son, who I got back a couple of days later. Now four years later, I have a good job, I live in a house with a yard and I'm a million times happier. Yeah, it was rough, and it still is, but it was worth it in the end. Also, there should be a free job training courses through EDD or the unemployment office, where you can learn skills like computer skills and typing to help you land a better job. It's not hopeless, if you feel you need to go, then go. There are a million and one resources out there to help you do everything right. You can get subsidized day care so you don't have to worry about the $500 a month in day care charges. Don't let fear of a little hard work keep you in a relationship that doesn't make you happy. Be strong. Keep us posted. I'm here to help.

Yes, Seraphin, you're right. There are always programs and assistence that are out there to help. There are also waiting lists for daycare assistence that can be up to 2 years. Time limitations on financial assistence and food stamps. I look at the way all of us struggle, have you ever had to count change for diaper money, only to fall short and have to make one out of a dishtowel and grocery bag? There are always different views, and I guess I'm always the pessimest. Adult relationships are never easy to maintain. But after 4 years together, you must have a strong relationship. You should be able to talk to each other. If you tell him how you feel, I bet that he would do whatever he can to make you happy. Maybe you could go to school when he's not working. Since you are not married, you would be able to get grants set aside for single mothers. That way you could use the car, and he could stay home with the baby? If he loves you, and I'm sure he does, he should be willing to do whatever he can to make sure that you feel contented and happy. I'm sure that he doesn't want to lose his family over this. Have you looked in to part time jobs nearby? A few hours a week would give you some experience, and more importantly, adult interaction. It would make you feel as though you are contributing to the household income, and give you some time away from the house, I'm sure you need that. That way too, you could open your own bank account and have your own money. And if you have a job for a while, you could apply for a loan for your own car. Then if you got your own car, you wouldn't be stuck in the house all day. You could go visit your friends, join a playgroup, get errands done while he is at work. And if you tell him that you want to get a job so you can help to ease his burden of a one income family, (guys eat that up) I'm sure he will be supportive of that. It would make you feel better too. Adult time, a paycheck of your own, a feeling of self worth that you don't have right now.

I have the solution, while she has it easy why not work on her education now, so that will open the door for you to walk out and be able to support yourself finacially and not have to use the resources that are there for moms and dads who were put in this position to use them rather then choosing to take that path.
I am going to jump out here on the next few paragraphs.

I feel you are being plain out selfish.
To think of yourself and feel as if you need to go out and struggle to make ends and let your daughter struggle along with you.so you can go out on the weekends, party ,see differant people and do whatever ME time consists of, I am 25 and believe me been there, done that, I know what ME time consist of . Why not go out a couple weekends out of the month and get your ME time.

I am reading between the lines here.

Good luck!
Whittney