I'm not sure if there is anyone out there that feels lonely but I thought I would ask anyway.

I really don't know how to describe my situation so if it sounds crazy bare with me.

First of all it has been over a year since my seperation. It is like I have dual personalities constantly at war with one another. One says that I never want to ever be with another man as long as I live and that I will be just fine. Not to mention the fact that he would have to love my daughter as much as I do and I don't know if that is even possible. Then there is the other side that for as long as I can remember has only and I mean only wanted to be a wife and mother. No other ambitions just that.

Well I've got the mother role down and am loving every single second of it, but I have no one to share it with. (other than my parents but they don't count)I literally do not feel like a whole person. I guess what I am wondering is how do you get comfortable with being alone. Not that I really have any time that I would be willing to give anyone but my daughter.

See there they are fighting again. 95% of me is so completly content that I can't even imagine someone in my life. Am I going crazy? I don't know what to do to get rid of this feeling that I need a man or if I even should.

Since your breakup is still fairly fresh, this is normal. You miss the idea of someone being there yet your child comes first. I don't know that it is a good idea not to have any other ambitions than to be a wife and mother. I love being a mother and love being in a relationship, but I have other goals that I want to accomplish for me. It isn't selfish to have other goals.

Becoming comfortable w/being alone is hard to do at times. You just have to be comfortable being who you are, where you are now. It is okay to relapse sometimes. It is natural to want companionship and human interaction.

I hope you get the voices in your head to quit bickering over who is going to win this fight. It will take time and lots of prayer. Good luck to you!

I was where you are at. I still am at times. I have realized something though. When you have no-one the idea of having someone is so romantic, so soothing. I recently had the opportunity to get together with this guy, who five years ago, I thought was the man I should have married, and in that five years, I have only yearned for him. After meeting him again, face to face, I realized there are little things, and "ticks" that I didnt like. I was thinking, "Here he is with me, but I dont feel the same." You are right when you say that there is no time for someone else, and you have to give your time to your daughter first. At least you have her. She'll remember this time, and when eventually you do meet someone, you might think, "I wish I was single again." I have had another man in my life who just totally wants to be with me. Loves, and wants to be a father figure to my daughter, but I just cant get past not wanting more than what we have.
I agree with Tys mom. You have to be comfortable being alone for a while, before you can move on. One of my favorite sayings from a book I read is that you cant be a half circle looking for another half circle, hoping to make it a full circle. You have to be a full circle who finds another full circle. I dont know if it makes sense without reading the book, but I hope it does. Besides, you're here with us now. You are part of a family. A loving, caring, supportive family you never might have thought you would find. Best wishes.

I KIND OF KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. IAM TWO WEEKS SEPARATED AND ALREADY I AM THINKING WAY INTO THE FURURE. WHAT I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THOUGH IS HAVING MY LIFE EXACTLY THE WAY I WANT. I WAS TOLD NOT TO WORK,THAT IT WOULD MAKE LIFE DIFFICULT. THE FULL CIRCLE THING IS SO RIGHT. I HOPE TO DO SOME SERIOUS WORK ON RECUILDING MYSELF AND AM LOOKING FORWARD TO FUN UNSERIOUS COMPANY OF MEN AND WOMEN BEFORE I COULD EVER CONSIDER A RELATIONSHIP AGAIN! X

I feel the same way, definitely.
I am so happy now with my life, and it is an infinitely lonely life. Me and my baby, and no one ever to share the little things of life with.
I can't even begin to imagine how I would find the physical time and also the space in my head for a man.
Every time I actually miss a partner in my life, it is my son's father I think of, in a romantic, and completely unrealistic way. It's only a dream that I really don't want to make reality, because I know it would never be the way I imagine it to be.
I am scared to death of actually being in a relationsip with someone new, because in the end (and be it after 10 years) it will not work out, and I will be back to square one, only with a scar to deal with and most of all, it will hurt my baby too.
So, what's the deal, is it better to be alone til the end of your days, the kids will leave the house eventually, and you will stay alone ?
I just had a visit from a friend (who is on the verge of separating), and it made me think about exactly that.
I am confused.

I hear you all and I agree with being able to know yourself. I have spent the last ... well almost 3 years doing jsut that.... getting to know who I am.

I want my "boogy man" (dream man... but one who will steal me away in the night lol... yeah im a dreamer who has big imagination lol), but I also want my schooling. I have come to the conclusion though that my life is too messed up still to have someone come in. I still dont think I am ready... still going through all the "trunks" from my past.

Does that feeling end when the divorce is finalized? Will I feel ready to go on then? What have you all found?

It's been almost a year since my ex and I split afte 3 1/2 tumultuous years together. It was so hard, even though I knew it was happening. It's still hard at times (I think mostly b/c he has someone else-had her since I walked out the door, hmmm) and I still want someone to wrap their arms around me when I can't sleep at night. I've met several people, but none have met my list of "qualifications" to be a potential long-term relationship. Add to all that I can't have any more kids and knowing that most men my age, even a tad older, maybe don't have kids yet or may still want them, it's real hard to find someone. I won't consider someone unless they have a child/ren of their own and are 100% sure they don't want more. I guess I'm trying to say that I know how you feel. It's a long hard process, getting over being single again and just embracing it. I think that if Mr. Perfect were to come knockin at my door, I would still be skeptical. But I will cherish the day that he walks in and I know it's right. Keep your chin up. You can't go looking for love, it has to find you.

being 42 with 3 yr old twins and a twelve year old, i really have no time for anything. but i too am lonely and after being apart from my ex for 3 yrs., it doesn't seem to be getting any easier. i didn't get married till i was 35 (yeah, see how long THAT lasted! he's a drinker and of course, i thought i could FIX that! lol) and believe me, trying to find a man, and a decent one at that, who wants to start all over again w/little kids is impossible! most guys my age have kids either in high school or later and none, but the ones i wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole - of course - want anything to do w/a forty something woman w/such young kids. i'm so lonely sometimes, not just for love but for companionship or an adult to talk to as well, that i just don't know what to do. i'm very happy w/who i am. i left a horrible relationship, lost my job and my home and have recovered from it all. but how do you get over the lonliness, the feeling so alone!?? i'm lost.

I'm glad that I'm not the only one who feels this way but it is sad to to know that there are other people going through this too. I thank you all so much for your thoughts and advice. It all rings too true. I just pray that at some point it does get easier.

It is still hard to imagine it happening to me but I have a good story that may give us all hope for the future.

After 17 years of being in an abusive relationship my friend finally got feed up and got a divorce. It has been really hard on her because the ex bad mouths her to the kids and is still mentally abusive to her. But.... the good news is that she has found what she calls her "soulmate". He has 2 boys 16 and 12 that he has custody of and she has 2 boys and a girl 16,12,and 1!!! You read that right 1 year old. And not only does he love her but he adores all of her children.

I just pray that I'm not on here in the future saying that it didn't work out.

I know one thing some days are harder than others. I don't know if I will ever be ok with being alone but I would darn sure rather be alone than have my heart broken again. Thank you for the comment about the circle. It really hit home. I'm getting there slowly but surely.

You are not alone. I found that I just have to take it one day at a time. I have been separated for 2 yrs. and at first I was longing for a relationship but I like you I would worry about them loving my girls and then I would have a panic attack about him hurting my girls ( this is something I am trying to deal with) I know not all men are scum but I am just afraid to meet the wrong one. Somedays I like it because I am the only one. I set my own rules and am rasing the girls with my values. Then sometimes I do get lonely for the companionship. Like I said take it one day at a time.

I have been separated/divorced for 4.5 years. At first, I was so lonely and didn't know what to do with myself. Though I had my 2 boys to keep me busy, the hardest was in the evening after putting them to bed and everything became silent. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and was lucky to get 4 hours of good sleep.

Then, finally, I came to my senses and realized I needed to get out this depression.....for my children cuz it wasn't healthy for them to see me this way. I reorganized my goals and focused soley on my children and career and didn't worry about not having a companion. Now, I am completely happy being alone and have gotten so used to it that it's hard for me to open up to a man. My confidence has come back and my ambition to succeed as a mother and career woman has come back too. Since I'm only human, I do long for a companion at times too, but I don't have a hard time anymore cuz I've realized the comforts of being alone.

It does get better as time passes, but you have to make the effort to make it better too. Keep yourself busy doing productive things and improving your life and eventually it all falls into place.

I did some fairly stupid things out of loneliness. I was 22 divorced twice and 2 little kids. It took me until I was 28 to really enjoy being alone. Now I find myself craving alone time. I found that I could date and have adult time without involving the kids. They did not need to be a part of my REAL life. Just some fun, a nice dinner, maybe dancing. You usually know if it is going to be serious after 3 months. Just find a couple of really good babysitters.

So it is the norm now to give up on what we all hoped for? Meaning is true love a thing of the past? Is Mr. Right ever going to show up?

With that asked... Is it women changing or men? Why isnt fmailies the same anymore? Why are women content on being alone and raising their children alone and what happened to all the men that used to be there for those women - us women? Is it that single guys just dont want an 'instant famiy' anymore? OR is it that women have the feelings that we can raise a family without a man's help - are we really getting that independant?

I dont want to be... but I am being to give up on finding/waiting for that true love or man of my dreams...

Hi Pockettz. Just wanted to say that the point to my response was that, us as single parents, shouldn't be so focused on the "loneliness" for not having a man in our lives. Our first focus should be on keeping ourselves physically and emotionally healthy so that we can take care of our children. They need us to stay healthy. Dwelling on the "loneliness" only brings depression and is a constant reminder of the relationship(s) that didn't work in the past. We need to change our whole attitudes and put our attention on remaining strong and healthy first. When you learn to love yourself and have self confidence, not only will you be able to take care of your child better, but I believe the romance and Mr. Right will happens naturally. Otherwise, you are only going to attract men who are just as (emotionally) unhealthy as you are.....which in the end is bound for a failed relationship.

No, never give up on true love. Just be patient. Better to wait 10 years and marry the right one than to wait 10 days and marry the wrong.

And to respond to your question about who is changing? I think BOTH men and women are changing. Society is changing both genders. It's a matter of finding the one that's 'compatible' with you.

I don't think we are too independant. I think we just realize that it is easier to do it alone than force a non interested parent to do their share. And remember, I waited 10 yrs to re-marry. I had quit looking yrs before, and met my husband at a BBQ. So it is not too late.