Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Divorce / Seperation Any Hope|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
This past January my wife of 9+ years tells me she is no longer in love with me and wants to separate to see if this is what she wants. I agree because i too was not happy in marriage but i just chalked it up to having three kids under 6 and always being busy that we lost track of each other and we would get back on track as the kids got into routines. I believe we both shut our feelings down and now we need to try and rekindle that love we once had, but she doesnt want any part of that. does anyone out there hve any advice as to working our way back together or am i just fooling myself and holding out hope she changes her mind
|
||
|
|
"On the Board" On the Board |
I wouldn't say your fooling yourself. I'm going threw something kind of similar. I wanted nothing more then to fix things but sometimes some things just can't be fixed. I wouldn't say just give up all hope but you should take a good look at yourself and try to see why she's feels so adamant about being apart. If you really believe that things can work out the second time around then by all means pursue your feelings. But your biggest mistake is showing her how bad you want her back. All that's going to do is make her think that she can walk all over you and it isn't going to matter because you love her. Tell her you want to work things but don't let her know it's getting to you. And my all means give her the space she needs!
|
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
You both have to want to work things through for things to change. My husband of 18 years also decided he didn't want to be married anymore, although he didn't tell me outright, just emotionally checked out. I got him to agree to marriage counceling, and even though it seemed to help at first, I found out later that he was never really committed to working things out. I think he just wanted to be able to say that he tried. I beleived the vows that I took when I married "for better or worse...until death do us part". I was so angry with him after we seperated. I just wanted to yell at him to grow up, that we have 3 kids to raise and that not everything in this world is about him. But I didn't, I figured one of us had to be the grown up. We have been seperated for two years and will soon be divorced. Marriage is hard enough with two committed partners.
I think it is almost harder dealing with the kid's emotions, especially when you are hurting. Try to stay positive with them. My 5 year old still tears at my heart when she says "I want Daddy to live with us". Give her some space, she may yet come to her senses. Stay strong, Sam |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
The one thing I have learned is that you can't be pushed into acceptance. You will believe its over when it is time for you to believe its over. For your family's sake I hope and pray its not over. I now believe it is over for my marriage and I'm trying not to look back at what could have been. Good luck to you and let us know.
|
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
hello- i am 26- i have just lost my fiance and have an 11 month old daughter- i still get to c her but have never been alone b4- i still love my fiance v much but after 3 1/2 yrs she says she doesnt love me because im too controlling , i dont trust her and i also have a minor drug problem which i am sorting out now. i have told her i will wait for her but she wants to wait years and see if i can prove myself to her- this is destroying me and i am off work on sick with anxiety. i am so alone and its hard to talk to her about anything other than my little girl. i feel like my fiance has died and worry she will find some1 else b4 she takes me back. there r no guarantees here- i could sort out all the problems and still b left with nothing- except my little girl. i have been visiting my ex fiance and making as many excuses as possible just to look at her- i cry myself to sleep every night thinking about how stupid i have been- but i just cant make her believe me when i say i love her and i will treat her right from now on- pls any1 help me out and tell me what i can do to get her back- i miss having my own family and need my true love back in my life. i can still c something when i look at her but im worried she will drift away from me so i can never marry her like i was going to.pain is all i feel now and i cant bear it- but i must wait for her now and pray she will return.again- help
|
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
|
|||
|
|
Parent on Board |
this reply is to= stephenc
Hello, single mom of 3 young girls. I'm 26yr old I just wanted to say I was in your ex's shoes.. And its really hard to trust someone once these issues have become present. BUT... you said something like what if I do change and get straighted out and she has already found someone else and doesn't get back with me. Well you should want to straighten out and change for your self and you child... and to help with any other relationships in your future, so that it will be positive and not have a reoccurance of this.. If you want to have a good relationship with your child you have to change.. Other wise the mother has the right to go to the courts and they may take away your rights... If this relationship was ment to be then she'll come back.. (after alot of hard work from you).. If not clean up for your sake.. not to mention your childs good luck to you... ------------------------------------------- Love should enhance your life... Not control... OR... Define it... -------------------------------------------- |
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Daniela:
[qb]This is from someone who has seen the other side. To Uneco419 and Stephenc : GIVE THOSE WOMEN SOME SPACE. I believe that's what they need.[/qb][/QUOTE i do believe my wife needs space to get her head straight so she can decide if she truly doesnt want to be with me. But we have a 6-1/2 year old daughter and twin 3yr old boys and i am a very involved dad so i am around alot and we still do things together as a family at her request more than mine. so i am very confused and i am trying to not let it affect my time with the kids but i wish i could just tell my wife that she needs to make up her mind soon. By the way i still am in love with my wife and i think it could work again if we got back together, i have told her on numerous occasions that i will not file for divorce she will have to do that but sometimes i feel she is just using me until something better comes along any words of wisdom would help |
|||
|
|
I am New to SFV |
You know, I felt the same about my hub: just give a man his space. The truth was, giving him space gave me space, too. I was no more interested in interacting w/ him then he was in me. And, having young children did keep me tolerating the growing space and everything in it. I wanted to make sure the kids had a "normal" family. Desire to fix things has to come from both sides. With my marriage, I got tired of fixing, tolerating, ignoring and being ignored, emmotionally abused, manipulated and stolen from. At this time the children are almost grown up. They do not understand why I had put up w/ so much, are angry at divorce and claim, their lives are destroyed by it. Parental problems are of not much interest to adolescents. My ds feels, if you took it this long, why inconvenience her now? My ds is just scared. They both are threatened by potential losses regardless of reassurances. BTW, I did get smth from staying in the "dry" marriage: there was more stability, I could rely on another care taker, even if an inadequate one, the kids felt more grounded then their friends from divorced families...
I hope you try marriage counseling before your final decision. If you don't get back together, the separation is going to be easier on all of you. Lia
|
|||
|
|
Learning to Surf The Board |
|
|||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online | ||
| Servlet | eve1da045 | ||
| Version | 1.2.22 build 9062 | ||
| Module | Forums 4.0.3 | ||
| Stylesheet | "All Year Style" | ||
| Wordlet Set | "SFV" | ||
|
