I am the mother of what I like to call the united nations. My oldest so his white like I am and puero rican, my daughter is white, my twin sons are black and white, I alos have a step daughter who his black puerto rican and white. Over the last two years I have dealt with the stares and comments when I am out with the kids both alone and with the twins dad. For the most part I have found no trouble iggnoring it. But my future mother in law treats the twins like S--T. Even though there half sister is also mixed it really bugs me beyond belief. I have tried to find a civil way to deal with it but it is becoming increasingly harder as they get older. When my oldest child asked me why the twins get treated differently then there half sister I almost blurrted out it was bcause they are too light and do not have kinkky hair. I do not want to talk down against there grandmother but it is how I feel. My sons have loose curls and do not need to have "grease or oil" put in there hair they are also the very light complextions as where thier half sister is almost as dark as there dad and has to have her hair braided or kept done at all times otherwise it becomes tangled in curls that take over an hour to comb out.
I just was wondering if there was any one out there who might have some advice for me of how to deal with my future mother in law as well as how to handle why there half sister is treated diffrently then they are. By the way my future husband has his daughter so therefor we all live together which makes the differences in treatment moe visiable.

Whoa,
You definitely have you hands full.
I think you definitely have too make sure that your children, All Your children are comfortable no matter where they are. Hearing your affirmations about their appearance all of their appearances. Whether they have hair that is straighter or curlier! It shouldn't make a difference. It may be difficult but you should be careful about sounding like your taking sides, even though Grandma clearly has. In your situation I would probably restrict interaction as much as I could so that her hang ups don't create more hang ups.

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!

You should talk to your future husband about this and let him know that his mother is treating your twins badly. Mention the fact that it is obvious to your other child too. He should tell his mother that when she treats your twins badly, it is offensive to you, is damaging to the children, and offensive to him too, because you and the twins are a part of his life too. If his mother doesn't respect him and take heed to his warning, I second the notion that you should avoid her.

You are more than likely in a small town close to Erie..hence the narrow mindness of the family member.

Personally, I think it would be wonderful for children to be brought up in a multi-cultural background. Diversity is a great thing and this country needs to respect it's citizens unique qualities.

As dificult as the situation maybe, I would just try to make your children feel that they are special and have unique gifts to give to the world. I might even go as far as to tell them to ask the family member why does she think they are so "not normal" in her eyes.
Might be kina interesting to see them try to weasel their way out of facing the fact they just might be a bigot? It might also make the family member realize how small their views really are to a child.
Best wishes to you.
Race should never be an issue, it's the heart and the soul of a person one should see..it starts with education and children.

Thank's every one for your replis and suggestions. I greatly appreciate knowing that others see this situation in a similiar light as I do.
As for living in a small town I wish I could say that was the case. Maybe then I would under stand it more. However I live in Chicago, Illinois not at all a small town nor is it racially divided by any means.
As for avoiding her I am trying my best to especially since I have confronted her on her racist biggot ways and she told me that I was the racist and that I was crazy. As for my fiance confonting her, he has on several different occasions and she told him that it was all in my imagination and all I was trying to do was ruin his relationship with her. My fiance and I both have come to the conclusion that it is just best not to even worry about it any more, if he goes to see his mother that is fine however I have said that myself and my children will not be going to her, if she wants to see her grandsons she must come to them and make the attempt, and thus far she has not done so. As a matter of fact she did not even give my sons a christmas card let alone any thing else.
I have come to realize that all of my children her twin grandsons included are better off not knowing her and her racist ways towards them. It is her lost she will never know the twins nor will she ever know the baby I am pregnant with as of now. She has choosen to ignore her grandchildren and I will not forciably subject my children and my unborn baby to the stress she causes, by allowing them to go somewhere that it is clear they are not wanted. She is the one who will lose out on knowing her three grandchilren and feeling how much love they have to offer, or knowing what it is like to have them run up to you and give you a hug and kiss and telling you that they love you. My children will always be loved and adored with or without her she is the only one losing anything by her actions.

Sara,
Maybe in time..things will work out for you with the racial issues. I think your choice is one that you really have no choice about. (as per previous email)
Sadly, hate and racism is taught...the world will teach your children those things all by itself..family shouldn't be a seed for those things as well.
Just to let you know, I think it is a wise choice.
Best wishes..
Jacque

Hello, I completely understand how you feel. I am mixed but my daughter whose father is white, looks completely white-blond hair, white skin and blue eyes. My family, though a mixed family, was very racist too. My mother who is half Indian and black doesn't like white or dark, only light skin or light brown. She said my father who was white skinned, blond hair and grey eyes but who was half white and puerto rican was as close to a white man as she got. She also had my brother who is half East Indian, and my sister whose father is black. She used to tell me growing up bring home anything but a white man.

When my daughter was born, she kept saying that she would get darker like I did, though I am still light, but I am/was your typically Mixed looking child with light brown/blondish hair, hazel eyes. She would talk against white people while holding my daughter, turn and kiss her on her cheek. I told her, "You can't say things against white people because she will grow up wondering why you hate apart of her."

Then my sister used to think it was funny that her racist husband would call her 'dirty white' and make statements like that if I had another child-(they automatically assumed that it would be buy a black man) that they would be called ebony and ivory. There were plenty more comments like this. When I comfronted my sister she didn't get it, not until her own daughter was born. But, I did let her know that it was not acceptable to me.

My suggestion is not to let it go, not to allow your twins to feel hurt or isolated because they will not only remember what she said and how she treated them. I'm glad that you are not going to allow your kids to feel racism within their own family, like they don't belong, the world will try to do that to them already. Their family should always be their support.This will affect their self-esteem. Be strong!!! Your children-all of them- are beautiful gifts. Racism comes from blacks as well as whites, unfortunately. But, at least your children have a strong mother who is doing whats right for them.

how awful, just 'cause of skin color.

My honest Opion if your kids see you and hear you standing by them they will know to trust you.

Some people just can't do nothing but have hate. Hang in there Love your li'l ones. And God will be by you and your side.

Good always trumpets over evil, even if it is in the last moment.

I have always told my kids (they are mixed)that those people that hate have the eye sight of dogs, just black and whight. They can't see or know, or never feel the colors of the rainbow and that is what America is really about the rainbow of freedom.

tootels

Dawn