Hi all,

I know this is a single parent network. I'm still married. Let me introduce myself. I'm 28. I'm Asian and my husband is white. We have a lovely biracial daughter of 19 months. She has almost blonde hair, brown eyes and fair skin. Everyone is crazy about her, she's a beautiful little girl and I'm a very proud mother. People would ask, "is she mixed?", I'd just say "yes". My parents and family from his side have no problems at all with different races. But that's not the point actually. I'm confused. Our marriage is in a problem. He initiated a break up at first. We're married for 6 years, and everything was always fine. I came to Holland just to be with him, I gave up everything. He's obviously forgotten about it. He didn't let me take our daughter back to Indonesia for holiday. Saying I got too close to her, trying to get our daughter all for myself, gave her too much attentions, etc. I engaged a lawyer to find out more info, as I had enough and wanted to move back home because I didn't have any choice. Of course he didn't let us. I said I wanted a divorce. Then he said he wanted to try again. Now, it's almost been 2 months since he said that, he isn't trying anything. I aggreed to try again because he aggreed to move back with us. But he's changed his mind. He knows a divorced woman with 3 kids, saying that he could get along with her very well, but they have nothing together. But he went to her place so often, now still does. I want to take my daughter with me back home. I would never leave her. Never, not even for my own happiness. I just want to be with my daughter. I don't have anybody here. My whole family is in Indonesia. I don't have much friends, moreover friends who're there for me. I don't have a social life, I don't have a job. The reason why I don't have one is because I don't want to bring my daughter to the nursery. She's been with me daily since her birth. And I want to raise her by my own. Back home, I can work part time and ask my mother to look after her. Her father isn't involved much in taking care of her. He just plays a while with her, and that's it. I do everything by myself. I don't mind. My daughter is most important to me now. If he doesn't cherish me, it's his loss. Now, I want to take my daughter back to my hometown, but it feels it's a tough decision. I pity him not being able to see his daughter so often. I know I shouldn't. What do you guys think? My daughter will have a better life there, I'm sure of it.

Hope to get in contact with any of you.

Hi Softy and welcome. I do think it sounds like he has been unfaithful and is probably confused because he is not happy in your marriage. I think that you have to decide not only would your daughter have a better life with you in your home but ask yourself if she would have a better life without her father? The question is does he love her NOT does he play with her. Think about her and then make your decision. This isn't about him or you, it is about her first THEN you and him.

Hi,

Thanks shoolmommy for your response. My daughter is still so young, she wouldn't understand or realize that her father is not with her anymore. I figure if she's older, it'd effect her more. I'm not trying to take her away from her dad, it's just that I don't have much choice. I'm so unhappy here. Moreover I'm not planning to forbid him from seeing her. I don't want to let her live in this environment, where her mom and dad are not happy together. I always try to hide it from my daughter if I feel unhappy. I will choose to be alone with her if the time comes, here or back home. As long as my daughter stays with me.

Thanks for listening.

Softy.