So today, I went over to my son's house to give his mom some money, right. I get there and her boyfriend opens the door and invites me in. I was thinking that he was just being polite so that he could take my money and see me out, but he kindly asks if I want to see my son. I said, "sure, but only if he's not sleeping." Well, lucky for me he was awake so I got to hold, hug and say hello to my little 11.5 month old son. The thing that I realized, though, during the hour that I was over at their house, was that my son doesn't really know me...He recognizes me, but to him, his mother's boyfriend is his dad, and he's alot more comfortable and expressive around him than he ever has been around me. When I was holding him, he'd always be trying to reach for him, and when he was crawling around he was always hovering around his mother's boyfriend. Basically, what I'm getting at is that I'm never going to have the relationship that I want with my son. At least not now, when he's real little. Hopefully, when he gets more into his adolescent years he'll want to get to know me more, but maybe he won't? Maybe he won't care about me, and will only see this other guy as his one true father? What do I do? How can I get over this? I'm scared that I'm losing my little boy!

Jourdan,
Don't worry too much. He is still young at this point. As he gets older and develops, as long as you are still coming around for him, he'll know who is father is. I know the situation is a bit awkward in the meantime but stick it out, you can have the relationship with him you want as he continues to grow. Keep up the visits in the meantime.

Jourdan,
I agree with Don. Keep going to see him. In time, when he can reason, he will know the difference.
At the moment, be there for him and his needs and be happy that (I am assuming)his mother's boyfriend is someone you can converse with and your child is comfortable with. If I am assuming correctly, from the content of your post, this is someone that might be another positive influence in your sons life. Count your blessings there and keep a positive relatioship with him and your ex, for the sake of your child. Many of us are not that lucky.
Good luck! Keep active in your sons life and be a father ... he will know in time.
Carla

quote:

Originally posted by Jourdan:
[qb]So today, I went over to my son's house to give his mom some money, right. I get there and her boyfriend opens the door and invites me in. I was thinking that he was just being polite so that he could take my money and see me out, but he kindly asks if I want to see my son. I said, "sure, but only if he's not sleeping." Well, lucky for me he was awake so I got to hold, hug and say hello to my little 11.5 month old son. The thing that I realized, though, during the hour that I was over at their house, was that my son doesn't really know me...He recognizes me, but to him, his mother's boyfriend is his dad, and he's alot more comfortable and expressive around him than he ever has been around me. When I was holding him, he'd always be trying to reach for him, and when he was crawling around he was always hovering around his mother's boyfriend. Basically, what I'm getting at is that I'm never going to have the relationship that I want with my son. At least not now, when he's real little. Hopefully, when he gets more into his adolescent years he'll want to get to know me more, but maybe he won't? Maybe he won't care about me, and will only see this other guy as his one true father? What do I do? How can I get over this? I'm scared that I'm losing my little boy![/qb]

I have a little friend who has never lived with her Dad. She's 7 now. Her Mom is married again. She now calls her stepfather 'Dad', also because she has a new little brother. They are exactly like daughter and father. She has been seeing her biological father regularly, but not very often, once or twice a month and sometimes for weekends. But I am telling you, since she can talk, it was always the most important event when Daddy came around to stay the night, to pick her up, or even just to say hello. She would talk about nothing else the whole day before and after, MY Daddy is coming, MY Daddy came....
And if you want my (humble) opinion, he's a very unreliable guy, fun to be around for 10 minutes or so, but not good for anything else.
So, all I am saying is, as long as you keep up a minimum of contact you will always be very important to your child, emotionally.

I agree with everyone else, if you continue to come and see him often, you won't have a problem but I will suggest you ask mommy for a little one on one time with your son, as in taking him home with you some of the time. If this is already happening then, you should not be worried. Good luck

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Jourdan:
[qb]So today, I went over to my son's house to give his mom some money, right. I get there and her boyfriend opens the door and invites me in. I was thinking that he was just being polite so that he could take my money and see me out, but he kindly asks if I want to see my son. I said, "sure, but only if he's not sleeping." Well, lucky for me he was awake so I got to hold, hug and say hello to my little 11.5 month old son. The thing that I realized, though, during the hour that I was over at their house, was that my son doesn't really know me...He recognizes me, but to him, his mother's boyfriend is his dad, and he's alot more comfortable and expressive around him than he ever has been around me. When I was holding him, he'd always be trying to reach for him, and when he was crawling around he was always hovering around his mother's boyfriend. Basically, what I'm getting at is that I'm never going to have the relationship that I want with my son. At least not now, when he's real little. Hopefully, when he gets more into his adolescent years he'll want to get to know me more, but maybe he won't? Maybe he won't care about me, and will only see this other guy as his one true father? What do I do? How can I get over this? I'm scared that I'm losing my little boy![/qb][/QUOTE

YOur story touched my heart and even though somewhat sad it also made me very happy, happy to know there are good guys like you in this world. YOur child is so lucky to have a father who cares enough to think the way you are. YOu know what? With a heart like that your child will know you love him as he grows older. It doesn't take much to show love. Visit him as frequently as possible. Have him over night or for the weekend. Your baby's mother and her boyfriend would probably appreciate some time alone. As he gets older you need to do things with him like take him to the movies, help coach his baseball or hockey team.

It must be hard right now knowing that he knows the boyfriend so well but I always say that it take a village to raise a child so be happy that your baby has all these loving people in his life.

Lucky kid to have a father like you.

Jourdan,

I would not worry. At this age all your son knows is that this guy has been there when his basic needs have been met. To your son this guy is the food giver, diaper changer etc. Once your son is older and can actually know what a dad is then he will realize ok I have my dad who doesn't live with me and I have this other guy who is like a dad that i live with. Don't be suprised if he calls your ex's b/f dad or some form of dad. It isn't not wrong to him this guys is exactly like a dad as you are his dad. As long as you come around and are a part of his life he will know who his real dad is. He will warm up to you and run to you everytime he sees you. Someone in their reply said keep the relationship with your ex and her b/f good. I agree, I know if my daughter's father showed up her psuedo daddy as I call him (the guy my daughter sees as her father) would say thanks for the money see you later. It's great that this guy realizes that you are the father and invites you into his home to spend time with your son. Thats awesome. This is also a good sign. Since this man acknowledges that you are your sons father he will more than likely encourage your son to go to you, to call you daddy and not him Etc.. Hope some of this helped. I wouldn't worry at this age. and no you won't have to wait till he is a teenager to have a relationship with him. Just way till he is about 2 or so. He'll be begging for you.

Shannon

quote:

Originally posted by Jourdan:
[qb]So today, I went over to my son's house to give his mom some money, right. I get there and her boyfriend opens the door and invites me in. I was thinking that he was just being polite so that he could take my money and see me out, but he kindly asks if I want to see my son. I said, "sure, but only if he's not sleeping." Well, lucky for me he was awake so I got to hold, hug and say hello to my little 11.5 month old son. The thing that I realized, though, during the hour that I was over at their house, was that my son doesn't really know me...He recognizes me, but to him, his mother's boyfriend is his dad, and he's alot more comfortable and expressive around him than he ever has been around me. When I was holding him, he'd always be trying to reach for him, and when he was crawling around he was always hovering around his mother's boyfriend. Basically, what I'm getting at is that I'm never going to have the relationship that I want with my son. At least not now, when he's real little. Hopefully, when he gets more into his adolescent years he'll want to get to know me more, but maybe he won't? Maybe he won't care about me, and will only see this other guy as his one true father? What do I do? How can I get over this? I'm scared that I'm losing my little boy![/qb]

Wow, so you are what a real father is? Seriously. You are a true father. You are doing everything right. Let me explain. I have a 15 mo son and the few times that his dad does see him I learn from there visits. Your son is young, he is going to be comftorable and attached to the people he sees every day. Since he spends a lot of time with his moms boyfriend he is going to be that way. When he gets old enough to realize he will love you like youre true role. If you stay in his life as much as you can you will be his father. Its obvious that you care, and you know that but of course you have to question it. THe most importnatn thing to know is that your son is taken care of and loved. If your son like the boyfriend he obviously is doing somehting right b/c kids always know. Even 11.5 mos olds.