hello everyone, im so glad i found this board.
anyway here is my story.

im a 25 year old guy. my fiancee' and i have split and she is 10 weeks pregnant. everything was fine for us in our relationship until she found out she was pregnant, then our relationship went downhill.
I live in virginia and she lives in delaware.
its a hour and 15 minute drive between us.
we both have agreed to be civil to one another, etc.
i have always wanted to be married and have a family, however this pregnancy was unplanned and
i don't want her to have to raise the baby alone.
i am fully prepared to pay my support, i will have to sit down with her and discuss what amount i need to pay. whatever it is i will pay it. i want my child to be provided for.
she has agreed that i can visit the child anytime i want.
i'm also going to be able to go to a ultrasound appointment with her. i'm really looking forward to that. also, i did mention to her that in a few months i would take her shopping for baby items. (the child is due in may, 2006).
it hurts me because i really loved her, and i really enjoyed her family, etc. they are very nice people and i don't want any hard feelings. she has already told me that her family doesn't hold anything against me.
i work shiftwork so i don't know what my visitation will be like. i would like to settle this out of court, myself and her don't have the money to go to court, (lawyer's fee's etc)
has anyone else settled with there ex out of court??
please feel free to post your thoughts. thank you. :thanks:

Welcome to the site. There are a lot of people here that are full of information, advice and stories. If you look around, you will see that there may be some people that have gone through what you are going through. I do wish you the best of luck with your situation and hope everything goes smoothly for you.

Welcome
It sounds like you are planning on being a good parent, and that you both are conversation which is super.
1 1/4 hours away is not that far really I drove that each way to and from work daily. It really becomes something you just get used to

I am not sure why your relation ship dissolved
but I wish you well . Most everything can be settled between you both before hand. I think then you should have that looked at by a lawyer to make sure you have not missed something important and then file the documents in the courts.

Good Luck

thanks for the warm welcome. im so glad i found this site, everyone is in the same boat.
we all can relate to one another in some way.
im just hoping and praying things will work out and our child will know that daddy loves him/her and wants to be in their life.

Welcome, you just found a wealth of information and friendship here!

Welcome rainman. For whatever reason you guys split up, it does sound like you are still communicating pretty good. It's possible to work things out without the lawyers involved, not a general rule but possible and definitely a plus if you can do it. As mentioned before it's also a good idea to have the agreement filed with the courts after anyway, pretty inexpensive actually and that way both of your interests are covered should things change between you down the road. There are some pretty good resources online concerning visitation schedules and support amount guidelines to use as a starting point to working out an agreement.

I don't want to pry and you don't need to give the reasons, but any chance of couple's counseling to try to reconcile?

Congratulations on the coming baby

:welcome: I agree you should file something with the courts. It is wonderful that both of you seem to be getting along and agree on so much but sometimes along the way things change so you need to protect the future relationship you want to have with your son or daughter. From what I have heard when a couple is unmarried and the child lives with the mother she automatically has custody without going to court. Not sure if I am 100% on that. I was wondering the same thing Don was but didnt want to say it. Seems like you still care about each other....maybe just a rough patch...Whatever happens I wish you the best and congrats on the baby.

Rainman,
Congrats on the baby and I am sorry about the breakup. I too would suggest counseling.
As for the arrangment if you can not reconcile: Take Don's advice and do your research. My sis was in this situation and when they did finally approach the courts they were the only one's that day that the judge was happy with. He had been paying child support but it was not recorded, he did get visitation but my sis has sole custody. Now they have it recorded and the CS goes through the state and direct deposited into her account. No more waiting for the mail etc. FYI to CYA .. keep track of every provision you make for her and your child until this arrangement is recorded. Your CS is based on each of your incomes and usually amounts to 27% of the NCP's income. There are calculators online to get the exact info.
I wish you much luck and :welcome:
C

Welcome Rainman Sorry about the split but congradulation on the baby.I think if you can talk her into councelling that would be great.I hope an arrangement can be made for you.Take care :welcome:

thanks everyone for your replies!! im gonna discuss with her about getting something in writing. i think she will be open to it. im just hoping and praying that everything will work out.
im looking forward to being a father.
i never knew my father, he died when i was a baby. so this will be so different for my child than it was for me.

Man to me, and I'm sure most won't agree, I think time may find you back with her, she sounds confused. Most people when they are confused push everyone away. So hang in there, who knows what morning brings. peace

Im so sorry to hear that rainman. I hope everything works out well for you. It sounds like you want to be there every step of the way which is great.

Update to you all.
I spoke with her today, and she has agreed to paternity testing etc.
she was not mad about the paternity test. (I asked her if she would take one) she agreed. i want everything in writing. i want to get a child support order drawn up, have it taken out of my check each month,(and paid to her via the state).
as for visitation, its my understanding that you have to go to a seperate hearing for that.
she has been nice thus far, and i believe that she will continue to stay that way.
now, can the state come after me for her medical bills? she is currently on medicaid in delaware.
i have health insurance but it will not cover anything until after the baby is born. im willing to provide coverage, however, it will be taken out of my check along with child support, i probably wont be bringing home much. can she still stay on medicaid and i just pay my support?
this has thrown me for a loop. i wanna do what's right, and LEGAL.
a co-worker of mine has a sister that is a lawyer and he is going to get her to call me.
i think ex and i can settle this with a mediator, and not have to go in front of a judge.
any replies will be appericated!

Hi rainman and welcome. You've already got some good advice. I've been doing the in and out of court thing up here for 12 years now. I've always recommended settling outside the courtroom and then just having a judge stamp the document. From what you say this should be easy to work out with the mom. I hope you can.

Just a note of encouragement young dad. You can and will be the father of your child. One of my favourite credos is, "she may not be with me full time but I'm her dad full time". Give yourself a pat on the back because you deserve it for standing up and doing the right thing.

thanks for the reply jaysdad. yes, i pray and hope things will continue to go well with my ex.
i just want everything in writing, and a order established, and regular visitation.
I know there are some men in the world that dont want anything to do with their son/daughter.
it's not my son or daughter's fault that my relationship failed with the mother.
im just anxious about being a father, i guess.