Hi guys,
I am a single mom, 23, with a 15 mo old gergous little boy. I have read some post from you single fathers and would like some advise from you. My sons father never sees our son. He is in the military so that is part to blame. He did not come back from iraq until (lucas) our son was 6 months old. He saw him once every week or 2 and he only lives 45 min away. However he has another son living in cali where he is from that he will fly out and spend all holidays and weeks at a time with. I mostly call him to see if he wants to see lucas and it seems like he never really puts in an effort. he says he loves him and i believe him in a way. But he only pays me $200 and he should really be paying me 465 if i took him to court and he makes excuses to get out of it. He has money to buy himself all of the nice things, his suv, clothe, shoes, but my son and i ride in a piece of sh** car, and I never get to buy him the things he needs. It just doesnt seem fare. It seems like he would want him to be provided for. When he is in town (he now stationed in n.c) he spends a week or 2 and only sees lucas 1 or 2 times. This last time he left without seeing him and didnt call to tell me. What do you think? Oh, his family does not stay in contact with me anymore. They have never met him. I have told them I would bring him to cali but they never gave me the go ahead. What do you guys think I should do. It sucks b/c he has no real male roll model and his brother whom he has never met has his dad whenever he is available. Any advise before I lose my cool.???

Hi amee
I missed seeing this post somehow before now. Have you talked with Lucas' father about how you are feeling seemingly different priorities he has on which child he visits more with? I don't know the age of his other child but could be part of the reason. Doesn't make it right at all, just a thought I had. Only he really knows his reasons.
As for the child support, if you need more, why not go ahead and take it into court? Though I'm not sure that on military pay, (assuming)if he's paying support for another child also how much more it would really amount to, but that doesn't mean it won't be more and sometimes every bit helps.
Probably not much you can do about his family, that's probably more up to him, another thing you can ask him about anyways.

Amee,
This may not be your situation at all but...

I dated a guy once who'd fathered a child (while in the army). After a few tries, he stopped having anything to do with the child (a son), he said, because he couldn't stand having anything to do with the mother. When I met him, they lived in different states and he wouldn't even send birthday cards (but he always remembered). He had a daughter by another woman a few years later and he spent a great deal of time with her. I suppose it helped that he was living with the mother when the daughter was born and had established a relationship with her. He didn't meet the first child until he came home from service and found he was being sued for child support.

Needless to say, I thought he had his priorities way out of whack. Nothing anyone ever said could change his mind. Strange huh?

I guess what I'm trying to say is be careful that you are keep any feelings (good, bad and ugly) you may have for the father tucked away so he can concentrate on establishing a relationship with your son. But if he won't, he won't and there's no way you can make him. Again, this may not be anything like your situation, but I thought I'd share a similar story.

Meanwhile, investigate the possibility of getting more child support. The county child support division should be able to help you with minimal or no cost.
Good luck to you and your beautiful son.

Amee,
If you are entitled to more support then you are getting definetly talk to your county or state child support agency. The military is very strict about child support and it can be garnished directly out of his pay to you if necessary. dsconstructs was right if this is his second child then his support payments are lower. I would go and see how much you should be getting. I can understand your frustration if you are struggling and he seems to be living it up. I can say my child support is less then ideal and my daughter's father is a Sgt. with 8 years in. Being that it is based on both parents pay it should be something that you should have a professional tell you how much is appropriate. I don't know if this helps but I know the military is very strict on this.
Jess

I too am right there with you...my ex is in the military and rarely sees my son. However, if you need the extra money, get it. He will never give it to you voluntarily because that takes away from his social life. But I have to tell you, my ex when we filed for divorce offered to pay me what he pays for his daughter who's 8 years older than our son. It was a good thing to because in Okla, the child support laws ****. By law, I would have gotten LESS than $200 a month on his salary. As long as you have proof of his income, you can call an attorney and they can run a computation for you. Or you can look on the internet. Some sites have it on there and you just plug in the numbers. Good luck.

amee
well i am sorry to hear about your son's father. i can relate to some what. i was in the military and i would leave for up to 8 months at a time. at that time i was single and no kids. i think now it would kill me to be away from my daughter that long. also for support, there is a federal law that makes it very difficult to get money or collect money from a military person at time of war, which we are currentily in right now. but i would look into it. i think he should pay his fair share. if he stops paying you can write a letter to his commanding officer and that will take care of that problem.
as for him not wanting to see your son. well sounds like he doesnt have an interest in him. hope i do not sound mean, but that is how i see it. if i was you, i would move on. you sound like a nice and loving person; i am positive you will meet some one who would be more than willing to accept Lucas into his life and be that male role model.