I have a son that was just born in another state and my ex-fiance is threatening to destroy my entire life and my relationship with my daughter (child from previous marriage) if i don't give her at least 500 dollars to cover her living expenses and buy her a new car. We haven't been to court yet over child custody and support. Also has threatened to prevent me from ever seeing my son although she wants him to know who i am. If anyone can offer advise on how i might be able to better deal with this situation I would be greatful

Hi gothic father and welcome to us.
We could do with a little more background on your story to provide you with the best possible advice.Don't worry about it being long as long as it is accurate.


Regards,

Mark

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gothic_father:
[QB] [QUOTE]Originally posted by mark uk:
well my ex-fiance and i got together in january last year. she moved in with me after 4 days because she decided it would be easier to see each other. she originally wanted to leave me in march then found out i have adhd (adult stage) and decided to stay. in april she quit her job becuase she said that her cancer was affecting her. also in april she got pregnant. we didn't found out until july because she wasn't showing. when we found out i attempted to get a second job to cover expenses but was told if i did she would leave me. Then we started fighting and she became verbally abusive towards my daughter. In october we decided that she should visit her parents for a week. next thing i know i am getting a phone call telling me not to pick her up and that she was going to live with her parents until health and welfare could take care of her medical and schooling (high school drop out). i was a bit upset but quickly got over it and attempted to work things out. I quickly informed her that I in no way shape or form wanted her back but i wanted what was best for my son. Things went smoothly for about 2 weeks then suddenly i was not allowed to call her because her family wanted me to pay them for her rent, food, cloths, cloths for the child, diapers, they wanted my daughters baby stuff (everything), and a minimum of 500 dollars a month for my ex. and until i did all this her and her family will not allow me to see my son even though there has yet to be a court order. I hope this info helps

Hi Gothic Father,
Glad to have you with us, but sorry you are having a hard time.
I am going to assume that the baby is now born. If so the first thing you may want to do is have a paternity check done. This way you are not fretting over a baby that may not be yours. Let's say it is your baby for sure. They can not hold visition from you for child support, That is blackmale. They are using the baby to get money. I would start writing down every conversation you have with them and the date of the conversation, this way when you go to court you have the facts and will not have to rely on your memory. Also when you speak to them try to keep yourself calm and choose your words wisely. You can file for visition with the courts, it is a separate issue from child support. I would get a lawyer just to cover yourself. Once you get your visition it is up to them to file for childsupport. Until then you may want to set a small amount you can afford and send it to them in good faith. Write a check or money order so you have a receipt and can prove that you have sent money or you can wait for an order from the court to go through. Depending on the judge it may look better if you do the good faith payment. I can tell you unless you make quite a bit of money they are asking for to much. This is not only your respocability it is hers too. She chose to have *** with you so you must share it.
I wish you the best of luck and my prayers are with you.

Go ahead and start sending what you think is fair if the baby is born. If not you can file to establish paternity and pay child support. I think that would be beneficial to you if you relaly want to be in your child's life. If you don't she will continue to use the child to get what she wants the rest of the child's life. Not fair to you ro the child. There is no rule that the mother has to file for support. You can file to pay it and for visitation and she can't do anything about that. I actually think that shows maturity on the father's part when they initiate the support of the child and the attempt to be a part of their life. She showed signs of manipulation well before the baby and you know she wont stop now. Do what you need to in order to protect you, your daughter and your son.

Jeanne

Hi gothic_father, welcome.

First off, ignore the threats. DON"T let them intimidate you. That's what they're trying to do and from he sounds of it,sadly, stay away from this girl.

Secondly, get a lawyer. NOW! You have rights and obligations and so does she. Get paternity established then let the lawyer do the rest. Tell her and her family to communcate with your lawyer.

You have no obligation to offer anything. Those obligations will be set out by a judge. If you wish to help, then do so but do what you are comfortable with, not what they demand. You will get visitation. You will be ordered to pay support. But you do not have to give into their demands.

You are going to go through a rough period now so prepare yourself for stress and let downs. But it won't be all bad. Just keep the faith and believe in yourself and you will triumph.

Get back and keep up okay?

First off i must say i am overwhelmed at the response to my post for help and it's nice to know there are people that are willing to help without having underlying intentions. secondly so far you guys have given me a few things to think about thanks

We hope all works good for you, God bless.