I am New to SFV
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I am pregnant and going thru a divorce also. My husband secretly filed for divorce in December of 2003 and got me pregnant in January while still hiding the divorce from me. I guess he thought "one for the road" would suit him just fine. I didn't get served papers until February and he didn't even want to move out of our home to save himself money. His reason for the divorce is "I need peace in my life" which I interpret as "I want to be a bachelor again because I am tired of being accountable to you" but the divorce petition actually alleges DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! He's claiming to be a battered husband! The petition also claimed that he had done equal parenting of our baby (I am a stay at home mom and he works) and that he was the best parent to have SOLE custody. I was lucky to get a manicure once a month when we were together because he would go postal when I left the baby with him for 2 hours! When I found out I was pregnant in late February he demanded paternity tests because he was certain that he was not the father. Luckily for me, I hired a better attorney and NOTHING is going his way. His lies have all been exposed and he has lost almost everything he has tried to gain. I have full use of our marital home, I have physical custody of our son, I get child support plus he has to pay all our household expenses, including medical insurance and car insurance. And when our new child is born his obligation is going to increase as well. He really screwed himself because he will have even less control over his money than before because the courts are telling him how to spend it. He thought divorce would give him the freedom to do whatever he wanted (he's a compulsive debtor and spends $$thousands$$ on guns and hunting crap). His own attorney refused to pursue paternity testing and custody because she now sees what a liar he is. He misses visitation frequently, has failed to pay some of the bills, and now has moved to Alabama to escape it all. GOOD RIDDANCE!
My advice to you is this 1) hire a very aggressive family law attorney, 2) DO NOT move out of your marital home because this can be used against you by your ex to gain custody of your child after it is born because it will show him to be more stable than you, 3) keep him informed of doctors appointments and other pregnancy info so that you cannot be accused of parental alienation. Use your attorney to communicate with him if you cannot do it directly, 4) if you need to purchase maternity/baby things or have no insurance for pre-natal care you must get a court order for confinement support. Your husband is legally responsible to provide at least half of these costs (or all if you don't work), 5) don't ever think you can't get thru pregnancy or the birth alone. Take it from one who has been there--many men are total jerks in the delivery room because they aren't getting any attention. They will do anything they can to undermine the birth for you. You are better off with a female relative or friend. Also labor nurses are VERY supportive, 6) DO NOT assume for a moment that he won't try to pursue custody once the baby is born just because he doesn't seem interested now. Many men who really don't want their kids try for custody for other motives: revenge, reduce paying you child support, control of you after divorce, inability to accept "defeat", etc.
Hope this was insightful.
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| Posts: 2 | Location: Michigan | Registered: 17 August 2004 |  |
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I am New to SFV
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quote: Originally posted by newmom2be:
[qb] Feeling very alone and scared. I'm 37yrs old, 6mos prgnt with my first child and my husband is seeking a divorce. I don't know where to begin as far as moving out, childcare, you name it, please any advice from those who have been there would be so much appreciated. [/qb]
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| Posts: 2 | Location: Portland | Registered: 12 September 2004 | |
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I am New to SFV
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quote: Originally posted by newmom2be:
[qb] Feeling very alone and scared. I'm 37yrs old, 6mos prgnt with my first child and my husband is seeking a divorce. I don't know where to begin as far as moving out, childcare, you name it, please any advice from those who have been there would be so much appreciated. [/qb]
I don't know that I have any advice because I thought I was probably the only person going through this - but I am also pregnant and going through a divorce. I am 35 years old, 5 months pregnant with my 2nd child and my husband filed for divorce about a month ago. I definitely don't think you should be the one to move out - you are the one that is pregnant and will need a home- I don't know your work situation or anything, but do not worry about making the rent/house payments if you are not working and immediately file for temporary support - I did - get a good attorney right away to go over this with you. In my case my husband moved out the day before he filed so that was not so much a problem. I only work part-time so he is making the house and car payments too. Childcare: well, I'm working on that myself. We are trying to work something out with the parenting time for our 2 year old, but I don't think there will be much parenting time for him for the newborn. I plan on nursing and a newborn needs its mother pretty much on demand at least the first couple of months. What are you doing for support for the birth? I'm trying to figure that one out myself. |
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| Posts: 2 | Location: Portland | Registered: 12 September 2004 | |
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I am New to SFV
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quote: Originally posted by newmom2be:
[qb] Feeling very alone and scared. I'm 37yrs old, 6mos prgnt with my first child and my husband is seeking a divorce. I don't know where to begin as far as moving out, childcare, you name it, please any advice from those who have been there would be so much appreciated. [/qb]
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| Posts: 1 | Location: PHILIPPINES | Registered: 12 September 2004 | |
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I am New to SFV
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Wow... I can only imagine the stress that you are under right now and hope that you are hanging in there. I have not gone through this same situation per say, but am currently going through a divorce as well and am the mother of a 15-month-old daughter. It looks as though there is some very good advice being given, and I would agree that getting a good lawyer is key! I know from experience that it is difficult to function at times when you are trying to do everything on your own, and you don't know where to turn for information, etc. Do you have family and/or friends near you to help you out? I know that having support is HUGE when going through divorce, and hope that there are people around to support you!!! You have to believe that YOU CAN DO THIS - otherwise you will set yourself up for disaster. I actually believe that everyone comes into your life for a reason, and maybe the reason your husband was in your life was to give you your beautiful child - trust me, being a parent is the most amazing thing in life, and YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT HIM. Your child will only benefit by those who CHOOSE to be in his/her life. I don't know if I even helped you here, but please know my heart is with you and I hope everything works out!!! Stay strong -- tomorrow is a new day with new possibilities and the opportunity to choose happiness over anything else. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!
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| Posts: 1 | Location: Los Angeles, CA | Registered: 04 January 2005 | |
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I am New to SFV
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quote: Originally posted by aseely:
[qb] I am pregnant and going thru a divorce also. My husband secretly filed for divorce in December of 2003 and got me pregnant in January while still hiding the divorce from me. I guess he thought "one for the road" would suit him just fine. I didn't get served papers until February and he didn't even want to move out of our home to save himself money. His reason for the divorce is "I need peace in my life" which I interpret as "I want to be a bachelor again because I am tired of being accountable to you" but the divorce petition actually alleges DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! He's claiming to be a battered husband! The petition also claimed that he had done equal parenting of our baby (I am a stay at home mom and he works) and that he was the best parent to have SOLE custody. I was lucky to get a manicure once a month when we were together because he would go postal when I left the baby with him for 2 hours! When I found out I was pregnant in late February he demanded paternity tests because he was certain that he was not the father. Luckily for me, I hired a better attorney and NOTHING is going his way. His lies have all been exposed and he has lost almost everything he has tried to gain. I have full use of our marital home, I have physical custody of our son, I get child support plus he has to pay all our household expenses, including medical insurance and car insurance. And when our new child is born his obligation is going to increase as well. He really screwed himself because he will have even less control over his money than before because the courts are telling him how to spend it. He thought divorce would give him the freedom to do whatever he wanted (he's a compulsive debtor and spends $$thousands$$ on guns and hunting crap). His own attorney refused to pursue paternity testing and custody because she now sees what a liar he is. He misses visitation frequently, has failed to pay some of the bills, and now has moved to Alabama to escape it all. GOOD RIDDANCE!
My advice to you is this 1) hire a very aggressive family law attorney, 2) DO NOT move out of your marital home because this can be used against you by your ex to gain custody of your child after it is born because it will show him to be more stable than you, 3) keep him informed of doctors appointments and other pregnancy info so that you cannot be accused of parental alienation. Use your attorney to communicate with him if you cannot do it directly, 4) if you need to purchase maternity/baby things or have no insurance for pre-natal care you must get a court order for confinement support. Your husband is legally responsible to provide at least half of these costs (or all if you don't work), 5) don't ever think you can't get thru pregnancy or the birth alone. Take it from one who has been there--many men are total jerks in the delivery room because they aren't getting any attention. They will do anything they can to undermine the birth for you. You are better off with a female relative or friend. Also labor nurses are VERY supportive, 6) DO NOT assume for a moment that he won't try to pursue custody once the baby is born just because he doesn't seem interested now. Many men who really don't want their kids try for custody for other motives: revenge, reduce paying you child support, control of you after divorce, inability to accept "defeat", etc.
Hope this was insightful. [/qb]
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| Posts: 3 | Location: jackson, MI | Registered: 08 April 2005 | |
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