I am 34 years old, divorced with an 8 year old, and now I am pregnant. I have been involved with the same man for almost three years. He lives on the west coast but works here two weeks of every month. The long distance is hard but I see him a lot. I am 18 weeks pregnant. When I first found out, I was sure to keep this child, but confused and worried that he would flake out on me. But, he started to come around and was here for most of November and December. He said he would move here full time at the end of January/early Feb. We told my parents, my son (which was hard for me...I felt like the worst mother having a child out of wed lock..the guilt). Everything felt like it was coming together. He went back to California after New Years and since has started to flake out on me. He told me two nights ago that he feels pressured and overwhelmed and that he needs more time to move out here. In the mean time he wants us to go to couples counceling, in which he would fly here for. He is 44 years old. He has never been married. He was in a relationship for 20 years and never married her. This is nothing new...him flaking out. He would tell me he would move here at a certain time and then back out saying he felt overwhelmed (and I wasn't pregnant). I always gave him more time because I really love this guy. Up until two nights ago, he had been wonderful about the pregnancy. He was here for the last couple of prenatal appointments, he took me maternity clothes shopping, he has paid for some medical bills. But now, he is regressing to when I first told him I was pregnant. He says I am pressuring him. Maybe I am because I am so scared, and the thought of raising this baby on my own terrifies me. At least with my 8 year old, his daddy has shared custody. He is a great dad. I feel as though my boyfriend will eventually bail on me. Right now he says he will still move here; he just needs more time. He says he will help raise the baby, but he will sometimes say that he will at least take financial responsibility. I definetly will need that, but what about day in and day out. Will he be here? Yesterday, I almost had a nervous break down. He and I got into a fight when he found out I told a coworker who reports to him that I was pregnant. We work for the same company. He hung up on me. I felt like I lost him right then and there. I called him back, but he didn't answer. I begged him for forgiveness because I was so scared. Then I lost it. Thank God I am in therapy. I called my therapist and she got me calmed down. She told me that I needed to forget about what he is doing or not doing about this. That I need to start taking care of myself and that I need to carry on without him being involved. The thought of that freaks me out. I have so many fears about this...everything from being alone in the middle of the night with a crying baby to having to explain to the child that he or she doesn't have a daddy and having to face the shame I feel having a baby out of wedlock at my age. I know I need to get with the year 2003. Women do it all the time and I respect those that do. It just overwhelmes me to think of all of this. Right now I just need support. I need to know I am not alone. I feel desperate and depressed. My family hasn't been supportive and when they find out that my boyfriend may bail on me, well that will be it. I can't talk to him about my fears because he says I am trying to make him feel guilty. I really feel like he is letting me down. I am angry. I could go on and on...please someone help me. I am trying to be strong and break out of this depression. I even thought about getting a late term abortion, dumping him and starting over, but I don't think I could live with myself...not for dumping him...that may be the best solution...but about the abortion.

Sorry for the long winded note...I just needed to vent.

SusanA.[EMAIL]null[/EMAIL]

That story really sucks. I think you would feel bad about getting an abortion. I know I would at 18 weeks. < i am 17 weeks now> I am trying to get rid of the guy! hehee. See how life works?!
You need to remember that you are a strong person and you need to be strong for your little boy and that baby growing inside you. ANYONE can take care of a baby if they have enough love!
At least if you get money to help you, that is great!!! thats better then nothing.
Just remember you can do it!
I am doing it! hehehe. Of course i am only 21!
But what it sounds to me is that if you were to marry him just because of a baby or because YOU love him, that would be a mistake. You CAN NOT push someone to love you in return.

Good luck! And keep smiling!

hi good luck to you i raised 4 kids without a single ounce of help from their dads [they all have different fathers]talk about embarrassing, anyway things find a way of working themselves out adn it;s really not that bad...a little lonely at times..... but all in all a baby's love is more stronger than you might think ...he or she will give you strenghth to get up at night and to smile during the day....give it time and don't let him or anyone else make you feel likeyou did anything wrong...it's your life and your choice.....hope everything goes well.....KIM

quote:

Originally posted by kmimmy12:
[qb]hi good luck to you i raised 4 kids without a single ounce of help from their dads [they all have different fathers]talk about embarrassing, anyway things find a way of working themselves out adn it;s really not that bad...a little lonely at times..... but all in all a baby's love is more stronger than you might think ...he or she will give you strenghth to get up at night and to smile during the day....give it time and don't let him or anyone else make you feel likeyou did anything wrong...it's your life and your choice.....hope everything goes well.....KIM[/qb]

Hi, I'm about to have baby #3 by a different father. I don't know WHY i care about people's judgements - what's the difference if I have 3 babys by the same father or by 3 different losers? I was lonely, I guess. How do you handle people's judgements about you? How do you support yourself & kids? I can't count that I will get $ from father of baby #3 either!!

Sharisa, I know a woman with 3 kids (now 18, 15, 12) by 3 diff men. She is a wonderful mother, and her kids are all the nicest, politest, all around good kids I have ever met. The two oldest I have baby-sit (I trust very, very few people enought to babysit,), and the 18yo is male! The daughter was mature enough at 12 to start babysitting, as well.
So I guess I'm trying to say, it'll be alright!