Hey everyone,

Ok, somebody give me a kick in the butt, please? I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 6 years. He lives in Utah, I live in California, we've managed to make it work and see each other almost half of the time. Yes, that's 6 years of his words of "talking" about marriage, 6 years of saying I'm the one for him, 6 years of me waiting around beleiving in him, supporting him in every way a good person should support their "best friend". A year ago he even said he bought a ring for me, and I'm the idiot still waiting around for it to happen! Truthfully, he's always been a rather half-assed boyfriend, getting what he wants from me so he doesn't have to totally commit.

I am 7 weeks pregnant. I have to restructure my entire life because I've structured it around him and he is not stepping up to the plate. He will call or text message me once a day now, asking if I am alright (if I am not in the hospital having an emergency then I am "alright"), and that's about it. That's all he can give. He said he would give me the support I need, but I'm finding right now that I am going through this ALONE. I just want to stop waiting for him to call, to stop expecting that he is going to one day wake up and be a good person, make a family out of us and take some emotional responsibility. Realistically I am about to be a single mom, I'm strong, I feel that I can do this and will do what I have to do to make life work. Does anyone have any advice about how to detatch myself from my not-so-significant other (by choice)?

jen

Ok...Jen's that are already here...speak up!

Jen welcome to the forum. I think you're right about him getting what he needs and not having to commit anymore than that. You're making it easy for him.

I say stop responding to his texts and talk to him only when you really want to....if he's ready to commit...then the thought of losing you will be all he needs to let you know.

Hang in there...you can do anything you need to do.

Thanks Paul. I needed that. I need to stop making it easy for him because it makes it harder for myself, and being an emotional wreck right now just isn't a good idea for anybody.

And thanks for the warm welcome.

Taking your advice.

Big Hugs,
jen

sweetheart I think its time to tell him to sh!t or get off the pot

you seem like a very patient lady the guy should be counting his blessing for having you..

I moved a few states away to be with someone I thought was the one it was hard sure but I would prob do it again....

your best bet is to lay it out on the table.. I'm guessing this is his kid

tell him to stand up be a man or go away and let you find someone who will

You're awesome, thanks Bishop.

Yes, it's his kid. You're right, I won't let him ruin me, who knows, maybe someday there will be someone out there who knows how to appreciate a girl with a good heart.

This is the kick in the butt I needed.

big hugs,
jen

Wow, what a beautiful child!

Thanks for the swift kick in the butt, and the encouraging words. You're right, I should be focusing on what's ahead of me and what's best for the new love in my life to be (my child).

Thanks, HannahsBoy!

xo,
jen

Jen,
I agree with the comment up top, get rid of him. After all the years you two have been going back and fourth and he is still playing games, thats NUTS ! if I can raise four kids alone honey you will do beautiflly with one. There will be times when you are pregnant that you are really going to miss the heck out of him and wish he were there to help you and support you emotionally, but once that baby comes all your prayers will be answered. Give all the love to the baby and leave him be that is daddy. If he truely loves you he will realize what he is losing and come around to you the way you want him to. No sense in settling for less then you deserve.

I have been putting something together on LDR's. I thought it maybe helpful as they do seem to come up, perhaps some input on adding to the list of what I have allready?
http://singlefamilyvoices.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/4891023691/m/2561086512

yes, Paul it was valuable info...thanks for putting that up.

Hi Jen! First of all welcome and good luck !
I know many people are not going to agree with me but I tell you this: you need to do something to jolt him, get him to respond ok? For what I see here the worst thing that can happen to you is having somebody in and out in your child's life so either he is in it or he is out, You don't want him to come to you a few years after your child is borne and being force by a court to let him take him/her to Utah for a week because he is the father.
My point is I know sometimes is hard to break up (I'm the worst brake up person in the history of human relationships) but its even harder watching your kid go away with somebody else. My advise to you is try to get him to be a father and, if that fail get rid of him now, make him sign away his rights, he'll be happy to do that to avoid child support payments.
Adrian