Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums 30 - Something Single Moms pregnant, alone and 35|
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I am New to SFV |
i am scared. i always thought i would be so happy to find out i was pregnant and instead i am really scared. i didn't plan this and iwas told i couldn't get pregnant so it is a surprise to me. a week prior to finding out that i was pregnant my ex came back and told me they wanted to make things work and now i am pregnant and she doesn't want children. i do not know what to do. i don't really have a secure job at the moment but i could make one happen quickly. i am just so scared of being responsible for this little thing forever. i am very surprised at my reaction. i am really scared to do this on my own. also, the father is a child himself and doesn't know. it was a one time situation...i need some help and advice.
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On the Board |
Hello Halebyrd
I remember being scared when I first realized I was pregnant, and I was trying to get preg. I'm not sure who's who in your situation. When you say your ex is a child do you mean he's irresponsible or very young? Am I understanding that he decided to get back with an old girlfriend and that he and the girl he's dating don't want kids? But more importantly, what is going through your mind about all of this, outside of the father's issues? Please share more info, probably someone around here or several someones have been there. We'll chat. Gwen |
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Board Member |
I thought I'd be happy to find out I was pregnant also at 35 (this could be my last chance) however the guy is a big jerk. I'm so saddened & going to my prenatal appt today & seeing the "happy" pregnant married women hurt me. However, every time I think of the option of abortion, something happens & I waste my time,like today waiting at the Social Services for 3 hours to see if I could get emergency medi-cal - I never got seen. I'm at a loss of what I'm going to do. Have you decided yet? Hang in there. Do you have any friends or family? I do, but they're not that supportive & I feel pretty much all alone |
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I am New to SFV |
thanks for your reply, basically, the father is only twenty and my exgirlfriend doesn't want kids but wants me back but not now that i am pregnant -- so i have to decide if i want the baby and let her go. basically, i am really really scared about having a baby. i never thought i would be.
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I am New to SFV |
hi, thank you for your reply. i do not feel so alone in this. your situation sounds somewhat similiar. are you scared to do it on your own? everytime i think of abortion as an option, i just can't imagine do it. i also feel really bad because i have been so stressed and feel like i am stressing the baby out as well. i am scared that i won't be able to do it on my own, yet at the same time i am a survivor and usually pull through but this is a big one. and yes, i feel the same way in the waiting rooms. it makes it sad.
how far along are you? i am 8 weeks. yes, i have good friends but it is utlimately my decision. i keep seeking advice from others and it isn't completely helping. anyhow, i hope you hang in there?
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Board Member |
I'm 8 weeks too so we will both have March babies. I have friends & the more I seek advice, the more I feel all alone. It doesn't sound like your ex is right for you, because if she was, she would be supportive. I had a man I was talking to & I thought maybe it might work with the 2 of us, however, when he found out I was pregnant, he wanted no part either. I guess we just have to cut ties with these exes & be happy (as much as possible) for our babies. My MD was not happy about the guy that got me pregnant stressing me out like this because it is NOT good for the baby. At least you have no love for this guy who got you pregnant because that will be easier. In my opinion "owner of a lonely heart is MUCH better than a owner of a broken heart!" The man who got me pregnant had my stomach & heart all in knots by the things he was saying last night. I'm not scared of having the baby, I guess I'm just scared of providing for the baby financially & how people say "a baby deserves a father" -I just want it to all work out & I want to be strong & confident in my choice & not let others bother me with their opinions. I'm very vulnerable right now. Is your ex trying to get your to have an abortion? I guess what we need to do is get happy & excited about this new life growing inside of us & somehow push all the stress & negative thoughts/words out of our minds!! Easier said than done but the baby deserves that. . . |
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I am New to SFV |
Sharesa, I know your story too. Social services is a pain and once you are seen you aren't always treated too nicely. Just remember what your goal is, to get help for your baby. I went to birthing classes with my ex, but he would be checking out the other married women and commenting on how they don't look that pregnant (like I was too big). I had no place to stay when I was pregnant so I had to stay with him and he would date in from of me. Just hang in there and if you ever need to talk let me know. My son is 13 months now and I am getting ready to graduate from college. |
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Board Blazen Parent |
God, Sharesa, I feel your pain sweetie, but don't give up, please press forward. I remember the shame I felt at 18 walking into that building and all the seemingly happy mothers to be. I now hold my head up high and know that I am worthy of everything..... |
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Board Member |
I've decided my only option at this point is abortion. I can't afford $600 a month for childcare & the guy has made it clear he won't help - he has 5 kids & 2 ex-wives. I messed up. If I didn't have 2 other kids, it would be okay to have this one, but I will be taking away soooo much from those boys if I have this baby & no help. We will all be miserable & the baby won't even get to meet her other siblings on his side. It just hurts a lot
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I am New to SFV |
If you were told that you couldn't have children and then you become pregnant, I would say that you are being given a wonderful gift. I have been a single parent now for 8 years and I thank God everyday for my wonderful 9 year old. At first it was very tough. I came to Florida with 3 boxes of stuff and 2.5 was my daughters.(Abusive relationship, I call him Stupid to this day.) I had to swallow my Irish pride and get on government assistance. I got a job and started to rebuild. I was lucky for the support of my parents. It took a long time but about 2 years later, I got a really great job and started to get off of the assistance. I have not seen a dime of child support and really don't need it. If your ex-girlfriend cannot accept this wonderful joy, then maybe that is not healthy for you. Please think your decision through. You may NEVER have a second chance at a gift from God, but there can always be room for another great love. Listen to your heart and you will make the right decision.
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I am New to SFV |
thank you for your email. over the last two weeks, i have stepped away from my fears and have embraced this blessing. i am very happy about this. and in the meantime, my ex wants to come back but the crazy thing is, i don't want her back anymore. she said she couldn't do this, over and over for the last two weeks and i feel i have moved on. so, anyhow, i want to thank you for what you wrote, it helps and i hope all is well with you. hale'
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I am New to SFV |
thanks for your email. i have been so much better now that i got the message that my ex doesn't want anypart of this. i couldn't take the negativity and stress of processing with her. i felt it wasn't good for me or the baby. my friends have all been so supportive and it has made a huge difference. i am finally excited about this little thing inside of me and the possibilities. the crazy thing is that my ex just yesterday, told me she wanted to be with me and i feel like something switched inside me and that i don't want her anymore. i feel so shut off. it would be great to have help for the next 9 months but i feel that i have already shifted my thinking around having this baby without her. and she was so negative about it all for the last two weeks... it is weird how things happen.
our situations are a little similiar because there is this man i was seeing slowing whom i really like but he has been out of the country for sometime, he and i are having dinner this tuesday, i am going to see where he stands with us and tell him that i am pregnant, perhaps, he will step up to the plate. we will see. i am not counting on it but i might as well try. anyhow, i hope you are feeling stronger and less vunerable. this baby should make us feel stronger, i hope you feel this too. make sure to excerise and do calming things. i have been trying to, it helps. just curious, which state do you live in? i live in san francisco.
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I am New to SFV |
hey, i just read this email. whatever you decide to do will be best. take care and my thoughts are with you. hale'
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Board Member |
This is months later. I didn't have the baby and things have been going on with my other two kids. There dads have been coming back into their lives. The dad who is local is trying to take my 8 year old away from me. He's filed for custody! My son gets to stay with him 3 nights a week for the time being. I can't believe the justice system, it sucks!
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"Parent on Board" Board Member |
Hey Sharesa,
It sounds like you've had a rough year. I've never read this thread until now. I think I was only reading in 'pregnant and alone' during this time (July 2004). I don't have anything good to say for support...but just know that you are in my thoughts & prayers and I hope everything works out for you in the custody battles. |
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