I'm new to the site. Over the past few years, I've tried to find sites for people in my situation, this is the first time I actually registered and thought of posting something. About five years ago, I started dating this guy, he seemed like a perfect "right now" guy. No pressure, no guilt, no jealousy, no nothing, except good times and fun, when I wanted it. Well, I wouldn't be here if an unexpected surpise didn't come about. I was on birth control, but we went out of town for an extended weekend. I forgot my pills; I was nearly through with them, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to just skip the rest and pick up after my next period (THAT I NEVER GOT). About five weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. He never wanted children (but wasn't using a condnom, and didn't want to get "fixed"). I decided to keeep it and wasn't going to even tell him, because I knew he was planning on leaving the state and was trying to get his future in order. My friends guilted me into telling him. He flipped out, but insisted on being a "real father" and staying with me - even though I told him I didn't want him around. Really, I didn't want my daughter and I to always feel his resentment towards us. Don't get me wrong, I am in love with him, and I do think he is a great guy. He is honest, loyal, and dependable, not to mention tons of other upstanding qualities. The thing is, we were dating for four and a half years before he even told me he loved me. Because HE wanted to be in my life, I moved with him out of state and have been living with him ever since, however, I feel like I am doing this all alone, with the benifit of having my emotions all screwed up, because I never feel like I am good enough for him - since he took so long to even mention in passing that he loves me, and because he always brings up how he never wanted this life, and how he never wanted children or a "wife". I've told him many times to let me just take my daughter and leave, because it tears me up inside and she is still young enough to not have it affect her too terribly much. I don't want her growing up knowing that her father never wanted her, and to have to see it in his face every day or every time she does what children do, and acts up. I guess I am not a "single parent" YET... I just feel like I am most of the time, and I feel it is inevetible. I guees I just wanted to know that there are other people like me.

I keep comparing myself to loveless marriages... even though we aren't married... but the only reason he's in our lives is because I got pregnant (and told him).

Sorry to go on and on - I guess the holiday season is just hard for me. I have a huge family, that I moved away from to keep him happy, since I thought he was doing me such a big favor by WANTING to be a father - and now I am still lonley and feeling alone, even though we share the same house. It's like I have a roommate, that shares the responsibility of a child. Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself and seeking some kind of acknowlegment.... maybe I just need some professional counseling... maybe my life isn't as bad off as other people... I guess, I just imagined motherhood differently, you know I always thought I'd have a loving husband, doting father, and a partner for life.

Hi JessicasMom

I'm new to the site too. I read your post and wanted to let you know that you're not alone and I feel for you. While I'm not in an identical position, I can relate to alot of what you've said about being together and yet still feeling alone - and for wanting something better for your child - that she deserves better. Maybe we came to the site for the same reasons - to find someone to make friends and realize that we're not the only ones going thru this.

Take care - feel free to write anytime.
~Heather

Hi Jessica's Mom....you are so not alone...I feel like what you described was me so many yrs ago...I'm glad you're here...and if you can manage it - I'm all for good counseling I've even found some good counseling right here...Welcome ~Valerie

Hello ladies, and I am very glad y'all found this great site we have here.

JessicasMom feel free to vent as much as you need...that's why we are here. To listen. I think counselling would be a great start...maybe he would someday go with you!! Good luck