Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums 30 - Something Single Moms 37 year old feeling very overwhelmed|
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I am New to SFV |
Hi all! I'm new here, found this site looking for some support in being a single parent. I should be used to it by now, I was a single parent for 9 years to my 13 year old son before I got pregnant by my boyfriend at the time. Well, we got married, I had twins, and now we're divorced. He just really hadn't "planned" on being a father of twins and he didn't like all the things he was missing out on because of them, so he's gone. There's more to the story, but I'll share that at another time.
My problem right now, I just feel exhausted, think I'm depressed, although I am taking an antidepressant, I feel like I'm 37 years old, divorced AGAIN, single parenting AGAIN, still don't have my own home, still feel like I'm financially struggling all the time, but now, I have 2 more children (who are 2 years old) added to the combination. I just feel wiped out! I don't get much chance to get away from my kids, I do daycare in my home because I can't afford daycare if I work fulltime (I've already checked into daycare assistance and with my child support, I make too much). Sorry, I know I'm rambling, just wanted to give a little back-ground and am looking forward to meeting some new people that understand the challenges of single parenting. Thanks for listening! Julie |
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I am New to SFV |
Twins...I always think I'm wiped out by the end of the day, but that is a challenge. I know the daycare is hard, especially when money is tight. I keep going through the balance of working full time vs. daycare/preschool, but I'm still here every morning. I divorced my husband after his third affair, and the child that came out of it. Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm around, as are the rest of the ears on this site.
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I am New to SFV |
There are a lot of people here who've felt just as you do now. I know it sounds like a cliche, but I would try to look on the brighter side of things. You are doing what's right by yourself and your kids. You are all healthy, right? And even though it doesn't feel like it now, you are better off without someone that is so selfish as to put himself before his babies.
Is there any way you can get some time to yourself? I know I feel a little better if I just put the kids to bed and read a good book in a bubble bath. Maybe paint my toenails afterward. Something small, just for you - even trying to go for a walk by yourself a couple of times a week. Sounds like a small solution to big problems, but these things somehow help me keep my sanity. I hope you feel better soon & things start looking up. In the meantime, there are a lot of great people to talk to here. Good luck, Cheryl |
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I am New to SFV |
Hi Jules,
I just read your post and could really understand how you feel. I was divorced 10 years ago. We had a daughter who is now 12 and beginning her "teen" problems. Don't get me wrong, she is a great kid, but sometimes she leaves me wanting to pull my hair out. Anyway, I just became a mother again of another little girl that is only 10 months. You would think after having 12 years experience it would be easier. Neither father is involved in my girls life. Most of the time I do okay, but recently have been feeling really bad and after going to the doctor, found out I had Lupus, Fibromyalgia (sp), with athritis. My kidney's are starting to give me problems due to the Lupus as well. I guess I am telling you that because some days I am so tired from the illness that I can barely keep myself functioning. There are days that I just have to put one foot in front of the other and only focus on that moment. If I look to far ahead I feel even more overwhelmed and sometimes I just let myself sit and cry. There are other times that my girls will do something that fills me with so much happiness and it seems to all be worth it. I guess I just wanted to let you know you are not alone and from what I can tell you are doing everything you can and that is all we can do. I hope you start feeling better soon. I will be thinking of you... |
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I am New to SFV |
Hi julie,
Im Trish. Going through a divorce as we speak. Loosing the home that I worked tons of overtime to get the down payment for while he sat on his ass on disability because of a "bad back". I have a 9yr old son and 7yr old daughter. We have to move to my mom's because I cant afford it here on my own even with child support. Anyway the point is, I also feel depressed but I keep faith (most of the time anyway) that somehow this will all work out in the long run. I may never have a big fancy house or great cars or a man to love (at this point a man is the last thing I ever want again anyway) but someday when I look back on all this "I" will know I did my best and my children will always know I loved them more than life it-self. Keep the faith no matter how hard it gets. I've never been very religious or anything and I'm still not a regular church goer or anything but I do believe that good things will happen to good people and Im just trying to be the best person I can be and raise my kids with love, strength and courage. Don't ever give up!!!!! |
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I am New to SFV |
well i cant beleive the luck;
i read your post i too am a mom to 2 from firsst marriage-12 and 10 twins from #2 at 15 months old; currently indovirce mode; most of all i think he was not ready; other issues lurking around though. the topper - im 5 months pregnant w/ #5; overwhelmed - yes; had to give up the meds for thebaby- boy do i miss them. was just in court last week when donor #2 was given visits; talk about hard ro get used to- i slept through thenight for the first time in years last night! my friends come to help out and i use every person who offers- even id only for acouple of hours.if you want to swap stories; helpful hints;use my personal email. take care and hold your head high; be the rolemodel you want your children to aspire to become. julia
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I am New to SFV |
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I am New to SFV |
Hey Girl, hold on! Theres hope out there. Have you tried looking into your local community college or university. They have child care programs that are free for students or job seakers or employees. I have been recieving free child care from my community college for3 years now. I have been attending school for 5 years now and almost have a Bachlors degree in nursing. I too am a Single parent and have been since The birth of my son, however hard it may seem there is hope. I now its very difficult at times and you feel like giving up, but give it a shot. also, since you are at an economical disadvantage, you most likely are eligible for federal and state grants for school. You can recieve help if you work at it. I know you can girl! Try the www.fafsa.gov web site. You can really quallify for thousands of dollars for your future education. The monies can be used for school or to help support your family. Good luck! denice. |
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I am New to SFV |
Oh my goodness girl, thanks for the reminder! I get so busy with my life I forget to take the time for myself and you just reminded me of how good it feels to paint my toenails, ALONE. with nobody hanging on my legs or shoulders wanting to play superman or batman. Thanks for the insight, denice |
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Lively & Zealous Parent |
I understand you girl-I have so many problems the worst of all are my financial ones. I don't make a lot of money at my job and although I get help through the state with daycare expenses it's still a lot for me to pay, I still have to rely on food stamps if we want to eat, I have bad credit and one lady keeps calling me and insisting I pay it (it was cuz I left an apt a month early than the lease was up!) although I told her I JUST DONT HAVE IT she just dont seem to get it, I have an old 1991 banged up car with no ac(and Im in the desert) I dont get child support, I live in an apartment still and probobly always will,and theres more, but the point I want to make is- I thnak God we are healthy and free, and I think abbout being one of those women living in the middle east or war torn Africa who have no hope,no rights, nothing, and I feel very fortunate. I know its hard but sometimes you just have to be thankful for what you do have and believe me it will get better. Believe it or not I am better off than years ago when I was with the father of two of my kids, with him I had nothing, not even a car and he was abusive to me, and I could'nt go out when I wanted or anything. Now I am single and although I struggle I know what I do have, smart beautiful kids, a car-although not the best, a 2 year degree and pursuing another in another field,good friends, and a full time job Ive been at nearly a year,and these things Ive accomplished on my own, so hang in there it will get better!
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I am New to SFV |
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I am New to SFV |
I am also 37 from Sydney Australia with a 13yrs old son and have just come out of a relationship with a man with 2 girls, I found that even though the mother was not involved it was very hard going and when I left him I was extremely dpressed about leaving the girls but you sound like a strong lady and I am on antidepressants as well and we will get through this eventually, my family are all in England so I am lonely but fighting this for my kids Natalie xxx
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Learning to Surf The Board |
Tuscan,
Your post sounds alot like my life. My daughters father and I split 2 years ago. He barely helps out, he just started paying child support, but only because he was put in jail for not paying. He was very abusive towards me, mostly mentally, but physically on a few occasions as well. My younger sister's best friend was murdered two years ago. It really devestated my entire family. Two weeks after her murder, I decided that life was too short for me to spend it as unhappy as I was. I asked my daughters unemployed, alcoholic father to leave, and haven't looked back. Like you said, money is always tight, I dont make a ton of money, and its hard for me to pay for the daycare, food, utilities, car, etc. But, I get up everyday and try again, and little by little it is getting much better. My daughter idolizes me. She gives me the inspiration to get up every morning. The other day I was getting ready for work, and I laid across my bed, and I said "Uh, I dont want to goto work today" She walked in my room, and said "You have to mom, you are the one who gets us all the money to make us rich" (shes 4) I doubt I will ever be financially rich, but knowing that I do try to do the best for my daughter, and knowing that she knows that, is a priceless reward in itself. The biggest problem that I face is anger. I was on an anti depressant, but stopped using it because I lost my health insurance. But, as much as I do not want to be "together" with my daughters father, I feel resentful towards him for my having to do it alone. I feel like... if only he would stop drinking, he could be a better father to her, and why doesnt he call and ask if she needs anything.. why doesnt he TRY to be a father.... From time to time, I call him and scream and swear at him, and then hang up..... My mom tells me to stop doing that, and not expect anything from him... I guess shes right, but thats hard for me to do... I guess I can take solice in the fact that he will never EVER have the close relationship that I have with her... But, even if I can take comfort in that, I still get reminded that my daughter deserves to have a relationship w him, and I feel like I need to fight her battles... I guess I am rambling on, I have so many halfway started topics running through my head right now.. But... I just felt like posting.. Thanks for letting me vent~ |
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Lively & Zealous Parent |
I understand all too well....I get mad sometimes at my kids dads (they dont have the same) because I have to be the responsible one. And I get mad at the government and sociaty in general too-because they attach a stigma to single parents-and most of the time it is women ( not to take anything away from the single dads doing it alone too) I hate having to get help from DES for health care or food stamps-we always are being made to jump through hoops or be made to feel like we have always wanted to live like this...hell, when I was with my kids dad I was in love and envisioned things much differently! But we have to take the burden of everything while the other parent is off, God knows where and they dont have to put up with all the crap we do, it really makes me mad sometimes but I try not to think about it because it won't help my kids. I just wish they were more fair to those of us who are trying to do more and help us more like have more inexpensive child care and raise minimum wages! Thats not asking for a hand out, its asking for a hand!
On a happier note-did you see the Steelers game? It wasn't televised here but I saw they won! Yeahhh!!! |
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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums 30 - Something Single Moms 37 year old feeling very overwhelmed
