I really messed up yesterday & I'm losing it today - Yesterday was my son Caleb's 11th Birthday. He was an only child for 10yrs (His dad gave him a baby sister)but he's always been a thoughtful respectful kid....until last night! I worked so hard putting together his b-day party, making his favorite dishes, making & decorating his cake etc. after working all day. His dad brings him over for the party & the first thing Caleb says to me, with this dirty look on his face, is, Uh where is everyone, great no one's here for my birthday. He knew it was a family party. Then he's opening gifts and opens Grandma's card and say "Where's the money"... Yes he got money last yr but he doesn't get it every yr. Then we get cake, he gets his piece and walks back in the kitchen and says - ok, everyone can eat now I'v taken my first bite (and he wasn't joking!) Then later he asked his friends (like family) who were at the party to help him set up something on the computer & every time they tried to help him he was so rude - saying I know & cutting them off. To top it all off - I was so shocked by his behavior that when everyone left I lectured him & almost made him cry - which is why I'm such a mess this morning! I know I should've waited - I feel like I'm at that crossroads in parenting where your past tactics don't work & it's time to change...but you're not sure what the change should be then you lecture at the wrong time and mess up! In the end - he's fine I mean we played with his games before bed but this morning I still feel awfull - But I do feel better getting it all out - Thanks

I don't know why you think you messed up. I've read and re-read your post and the only one I see out of line (way out of line) is your son. I think u showed considerable restraint in waiting until the guests left. If my son had acted that rudely I would have been one him much sooner. I think your carrying way more guilt than this situation requires. I know kids go thru stages but any behavior that insults or offends others shouldn't be tolerated, and needs correcting.

Maybe there were other things going on in his mind that were unknown, maybe he was having a bad hair day. I would hope that isn't typical behavior. But even if it was out of character you did the right thing in addressing it as soon as possible.

You are so right - I've been thinking about this and I realized today that my "feeling bad" may have been all about me, stressed and certainly feeling unappreciated - And yes, we all said something at the times he was being rude - I think in unison! Thanks for your post -It's so hard to find your bearings sometimes when you're the only one parenting! - Thanks

UPDATE: Last night when I picked my son up from his Dad's I readdressed the situation, with much more resolve. Making sure he knew what was expected of him. When I re-read my post I can see how, I don't know, out of control I felt at the time. The crazy thing is, I so know better - I mean I'm usually the one giving the "Super Nanny", tough love advice! And to be honest I think I'm really scared about entering the pre-teen, middle school years. But I just want to say how glad I am to have this site & how glad I am to finally get my computer fixed!

i hear you loud and clear, my daughter will soon be 12, and am i getting the attitude! lots o' fun.

My 3 oldest Boys are now 33, 27, and 25. I was a custodial dad of the 27 & 25 yo during their teen years and had no problems. But I some how have managed to be both friend and Dad to all 6 of my kids.

I think that you did the right thing even if it was your son's birthday. You have to address behavior like that right away so that he knows it is not acceptable no matter what day of the year it is! I know it hurts us more than it hurts our kids when we make them cry but sometimes it is our job as parents to do that so that one day they will grow up to be good parents and good people. Your son knows you love him.

You absolutely did not mess up...my daughter is 12 going on 25. There are more than enough hormones in this house to go around and sometimes they have to be reminded that they are still children and that they get out of line. IF you don't tell him now what he does wrong, then when he is older it is way too late. Keep your chin up. He will thank you later in life....at least we hope so.

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Originally posted by itcomesback2u:
...my daughter is 12 going on 25. There are more than enough hormones in this house to go around and sometimes they have to be reminded that they are still children .....

Tell me about it! Mine also 12...course I have to remember to put in that 1/2! (12 1/2!)

Geez!