Hey everyone.. I need advice. I want to know if there is any sort of 'difference' (as in one is 'better' than the other) between being a single parent with joint custody, or a straight up full-time single parent. Yes I know the 'job' is harder when you have the kids ALL the time.. but are single parents with joint custody looked upon as 'less' or not doing the job as well or as hard as full time single parents? Having a bit of an issue with my B/F. Thanks for your help

I would say that it REALLY depends on what your situation is and how you are built. No 2 families are the same.

If the parent's having joint custody don't get along in any aspect then by all means it would be easier to be a full time single parent.

I myself would be grateful if 1 of my 2 ex's would step up to the plate and take responsibility for their children both emotionaly and financialy.

I have been a "straight up full-time single parent" for several years now and it IS very tireing, BUT, I would rather be tired then miserable having to deal with the ex on a regular basis. Trying to get CS is miserable enough, I couldn't imagine dealing with them personaly on a regular basis.

My mom is a retired secretary from the Medical Psychology dept of OHSU, an the department head opinion was that it is better for the kids to live in just one home and not go back and forth.

Also there is a difference between physical and legal custody, as the kids stay with one parent but both have just as much right to make decisions.

But it would probably be best for the kids to stay with one most of the time.

I understand that it would be better for the kids to not go back and forth as well, but when both parents want them, what is the alternative? Being a mom, I could not give up my kids. I know of some people who have and I just don't get it. I want to be part of their lives as does their dad. The good thing is, at least my ex and I get along MOST of the time. But the issue is with my B/F. He is a full-time 'single' dad, and I have applauded him and given him the emotional support of telling him that I think he's doing a great job and how proud I am of him. My issue is, it would be nice to hear it BACK- being a single mom. I'd like to hear that kind of praise too. I have other friends that support me, but I don't get the feedback form him. It seems like he gets so involved with HIS life, that he forgets what I'm going through, or that I eould like to have, or hear, that I have HIS support too. You know?

I actually think of myself as lucky to be the only involved parent at this point. Not that I wouldn't love for my daughter to have her dad around. But, if you listen to some of the drama around here, the court hearings, the battles between exes, the people having to send their kids off with someone they dont trust...I do take comfort in the fact that I dont have to deal with that.

But, really, either way it kinda bites.

If you get along with your ex then there are other alternatives to a 50/50 split. Be creative, and work with your ex on a plan that works for the kids and both of you.

For some of us that just wont work. Sometimes it is really better for the kids if one parent just isn't around so the kids aren't torn by very different parental attitudes.

That is where my youngest are at now. My 9yo wants to live with me and see her mom on occasion.

The back and forth for my son is not a problem. He has actually learned to enjoy it. He learned to enjoy it because in my situation I don't have too many arguments with his dad and the ones we do have are usually pretty normal. We both have our son in mind on every issue. We don't like talking to each other but we do it cause sometimes decisions for the child requires both parents consent.

So far, my son is pretty well adjusted and at peace with the way things are. So really there is no direct yes or no answer to your question. It all depends on the situation and how the two parents are behaving during the seperation.

Miranda

I'm a full time, full custody single dad to 3. And for me, there is not other way.

I would not part time custody for the world. all of the headaches and stresses of having my (now teens) kids under my roof are all worth it, when I know they are safe and sound in there beds at night. I'm enjoying that while I can, cause it wont be long before I have an empty house.

I like having full custody also. My ex isn't very good with children routines and care and feel relieved when he's in a good relationship with a good women. I know the boys would go to bed on time and not be hungry because he forgot.

On the flip side, I wish I could get more of a break at least once a month on the weekend. Driving them to sports events, and sharing sick days to care for them. I think it would make dating a lot easier for me, which has been pushed back to "not a priority right now".

Tessmit were you reading my mind???
My son has never actually me his father he has nothing to do with us. I think it is great! Yes the road is a lot harder but on the up hand my rules are the only ones out there he can’t tell me daddy said this or daddy said that, he has no choice to listen to me. Ha-ha.
Yes, the break would be nice and it would make babysitting easer but I deal with it.