Hi,my name trish ,I am 39,and raising my 9 year old son by myself,with help from my mother.I am new to this on-line chat stuff and thought it would be a good way to meet other women similar to myself.Being a single working mother I don't really go out much--ok--not at all,and most of the people I know are married and don't understand the single mom worries.It would be nice to have someone to talk to that has been where I have been.I do have a question.I don't get any child support because I never persued it.His dad rarely works anyone and I just wanted him out of my life---we weren't married.My question is ,is there any programs or help out there for moms not getting or wanting childsupport,it all seems available to only those with childsupport.Thanks for any replies or answers.

Hi Trish. Im Trish from Chicago. I am also new to this web site. I'm in the middle of a divorce right now and also have a 9yr old son as well as a 6yr old daughter. I wish I could give you some info about getting child support for your son. I don't know of anything off hand, but there must be some programs or types of assistance to get the help you need. I am also recieving help from my mother right now. Thank God for her. I'm packing my house and moving myself and children in with her over the next 2 weeks. I am expecting child support, however my almost-ex doesn't have a very good work history behind him. I supported him for way to much of our marriage so who know's what I'll be facing when the final divorce papers come through. Knowing him, he'll pay for a while then use some excuse to quite his job again. Anyway there has to be a way to make life better for ourselves and our kids. I also work full time and I'm not seeing much of a social life either in the near future. Many of my friends are also married and the single ones don't have any children. I'm sure things will be much different once all is said and done. Good luck to you Trish. Life will get better somehow, someway for all of us. Msg back if you ever just want to talk. It really is nice to talk to women going through similar changes in their lives.

There are places out there that will help , but they will first help you get childsupport from him. He needs to pay and he shall all you have to do is go to your welfare agency and they will help you with that. Or just go on line and do a search. I know when I wasn't getting any childsupport the goveernment helped me out with child care.
Good luck to you.
But one thing though, you need to get out. I know it is hard but you need to go out and meet new people. For your own happiness.. get out!!!!!

Hi, I'm new here. I'm in the middle of divorce and have a two year old. I noticed that both of you have support from your mothers. I only wish I did.
I am looking for support else where. Any ideas of agencies or groups that meet? On-line is great too.

Hello again, Thanks all of you for your replies,It really does help to talk to women going through the same things you are.Everything is pretty much the same,still struggling by with no assistance.About the child support,I don't want it.I know that's probably odd,and more than likely wrong, but from the time I found out I was pregnant I knew I didn't want it.Am I the only one? It just seems to me that it wouldn't be worth it ,the going to court and all when I know he will never be able or willing to pay it.If I did I know he would push visitation or maybe even custody and I couldn't stand that.I don't think he is trustworthy enough to watch my son and if he doesn't care enough to see,write,or even check on his son then I see no reason to give him an opportunity to see him when HE feels ready to be a father.I may be wrong,and if I had been married to him,or even in a committed relationship,then YES,he would definately be helping me out.Unforunately,my pregnancy was something that just happened when it shouldn't have but something that I am very grateful and blessed to have had happen.I wouldn't change it for anything and have never regreted it. I just feel that there should be some kind of program out there to help women that don't or can't get help from the father without having to go after the father for support,probably just wishful thinking,right.
Sorry for the speech,it's just that I have never met or spoken to anyone that doesn't get childsupport because they don't want it,I can't be the only one-----can I? Not that I couldn't use the help,you all know how hard it is to raise a child on your own,I just wish there was another way to get some help.The best help I've found so far is this site,you all are great ,it's like making new friends all the time.Please keep writing.

I have never nor will I ever go after legal child support. I never want to give him the chance to go for unsupervised visitation. I'll take whatever money he gives me but I don't want it formal. I would much rather do it on my own. I even went so far as to not put him on my 2nd son's birth certificate. I don't want his help badly enough to go to court and possibly give him rights that he isn't responsible enough to handle. So, I know exactly where you're coming from. So far the only help I've gotten without filing for child support was day care assistance. The government program pays for most of the daycare and I pay a fraction of it per month. I make too much to qualify for other assistance but in Illinois you can get support from government even if you don't go for child support. It just depends on what kind of help you are wanting/needing. Good luck!

Trish,

I can understand where you are coming from, I battled with myself over filing for child support. I went for a year without it after we split, and everyone kept telling me that I was crazy. I finally had to do it because I lost my job a year ago, and needed to apply for welfare. In my state, welfare makes you go for child support. I have had the order in effect ever since, but now mostly out of spite, because he doesn't pay it.. He was arrested for non-payment, and is still 2500 in arrears.

But.. I do understand your reasoning for not wanting it. Have you tried Catholic charities? It doesnt matter which religious group you belong to, they do alot of supportive and emergency funding. Also, there is an organization called Bridge to Independence... they help with utility bills... I am not sure if that one is nationwide or not. Keep looking, I am sure you will find help out there... I believe if you stand in line long enough, you'll get it.. lol.

Both of these organizations helped me out last year. I am proud to say that after a long struggle, I finally have a new job that I love, my daughter is in preschool, dancing school, and thiving.. but, we have come a long way in the last two years, believe me..

Hope that helps, Talk to you soon!

Thanks you guys,it's nice to know I'm not the only one.I will check into the organizations you mentioned and who knows,maybe luck into something.I live in Tennessee,here you have to go after child support to get any help too,otherwise they won't even talk to you.I didn't my sons fathers name on the birth cirtificate either but made the mistake of giving his name when I signed up on food stamps a few years ago.Thinking back,I wish I hadn't, then I could have said I didn't know the father and things would be different now.My son was sitting there though and I couldn't lie.I just thought maybe there were some programs for single mothers that I was missing.All I've found so far require you to seek child support.If anyone knew how to start a new program ,that would be the one to start,help for mothers WITHOUT child support.Until then,I guess we'll all just have to stick together and be there to listen to each others complaining,hope you haven't minded too much listening to mine.thanks again and hope we all can keep in touch. trish

Hi Trish-
I'm also new to the on-line community; this is actually the first time I've written to anyone. I am a single working mom - I have a son who turned 2 a few weeks ago. You should talk to a lawyer about the child-support situation, just to get more information. I have another single-mom friend who was never married and she receives child support from her child's father. My impression is that with the child support, comes a greater degree of involvement in the child's life (ie, expanded visitation).

Hang in there.

quote:

Originally posted by Selene:
[qb] Hi, I'm new here. I'm in the middle of divorce and have a two year old. I noticed that both of you have support from your mothers. I only wish I did.
I am looking for support else where. Any ideas of agencies or groups that meet? On-line is great too. [/qb]

Hi Selene,
I am new here too, and also have a 2 year old and am going through a divorce. If you find any news about agencies or groups that meet, I'd be interested in hearing about them too.
ShannonP

Hi and welcome to all you ladies.


Mark

Thank you, Mark.