Hello All,
I am 30 years old and I have a 7 year old son; whom I of course love dearly.
I am coming to this site to find support (yeah, brillant huh?!) I am feeling lost and alone. I have never been married. I had my son while I was in college and thank God for some wonderful friends, because I was able to finish.
My son's father was not involved for the first 3 years of my son's life. We were not in a relationship when I got pregnant. When my son was 2 1/2 I really started to encourage his father to become part of his life. Now he is, which is partially great, partially not so great. I can't imagine what it feels like for my son to go back and forth between his father's house and mine, knowing that he loves both of us and wants to be with both of us.
My son has my last name, it was never an issue because his father wanted nothing to do with him. Well, to add to the ever grow mountain of issues, he came home and told me that he wants to change his last name to his father's. Which is understandible to some degree. But I think that he is being told/forced into it. When he is at his father's house, his dad calls him by his last name. (his father's last name) and signs him up for things under that last name. Common sense would say to just talk to him, well there is no talking to him. My son's behavior is getting worse and worse. I just dont know what to do anymore...and I know i have to be strong, I am just so tired of the uphill battle.
If you are still reading this, thanks! I know it got kind of long. I am hoping to just find some support here.

Have you thought of hyphenating the last name? It does cost some money to change a name..even when it is non-contested. You haave to pay for the "kit," then they post the declaration for 10 days (in some places), then you pay for them to file it to your state. Then you pay for them to change the birth certificate and to get a copy. You could always tell the dad that he would have to cough up the money (it ended up costing me $275 for two chldren) or he would have to wait until he could change his name for himself.

Anyway... very nice to meet you. I hope you guys find a place of compromise.Whenever I can't understand my kids loving their dad who does ot deserve it...I remember to be thank ful they love me when I don't either.

I think it is really unfair that the father is calling your son by his surname and making it an issue for your child. I also wondered about hyphenating, but I have thought about it and am in much the same position as you and I think that I would say that is fine you can do it for yourself when you are old enough 16 or 18 or whatever the age is in America. My son�s father pretty much has never had much to do with him but I did give him his father�s name as a middle name and if he wants to hyphenate it later then he can. I think what I feel the strongest about is his father putting him in the middle - it is so unfair on your child.

quote:

Originally posted by PITA:
[qb] Have you thought of hyphenating the last name? It does cost some money to change a name..even when it is non-contested. You haave to pay for the "kit," then they post the declaration for 10 days (in some places), then you pay for them to file it to your state. Then you pay for them to change the birth certificate and to get a copy. You could always tell the dad that he would have to cough up the money (it ended up costing me $275 for two chldren) or he would have to wait until he could change his name for himself.

Anyway... very nice to meet you. I hope you guys find a place of compromise.Whenever I can't understand my kids loving their dad who does ot deserve it...I remember to be thank ful they love me when I don't either. [/qb]

Thanks Pita,
I have thought about it and maybe it is a possibility. I need to get past the fact that he was never there and never wanted him, and think about what is best for my son.
Thank you!
Trisha

quote:

Originally posted by Zealand:
[qb] I think it is really unfair that the father is calling your son by his surname and making it an issue for your child. I also wondered about hyphenating, but I have thought about it and am in much the same position as you and I think that I would say that is fine you can do it for yourself when you are old enough 16 or 18 or whatever the age is in America. My son�s father pretty much has never had much to do with him but I did give him his father�s name as a middle name and if he wants to hyphenate it later then he can. I think what I feel the strongest about is his father putting him in the middle - it is so unfair on your child. [/qb]

Thank you Zealand! That is one of the hardest things about this...he is putting him in the middle and I feel like there is nothing that I can do about it. My job as his mom is to protect him...yes, let him learn life's lessons, but I don't think that this is one that he should have to learn....
Thanks for your support!
Trisha

Thanks,I think if there is one theme that keeps coming up on this site is how do we single parents protect our children from the hurt and confusion that happens in their lives. I wish there was a magic wand or maybe an electric cattle prod (LOL) to poke the other parent with to make them see that the most important thing you can do for your child is put them first. If your child�s father put his son first then he would not be putting your son under this pressure.
Aroha

T - I'm new too, but I read some of the "last name" battles that you are having. I don't know where you live, but here in CO, the mother has the LEGAL right to give her last name to the child no matter what the father says, even if the couple is married. So, look into that, at least for legal purposes, because that is the part you will have to deal with in all reality. The father can call your child whatever he wants, but the bottom line is you have the power, so don't let him OR your child think you don't. When the child is 18, he can change his name if he wants to and I personally know aome people that have done it, but really what is the purpose of changing his name now? Adding the fathers name on is an option as well. But right now, Its nothing but manipulation on the fathers part. I had to do this with my daughter too....dad kept on telling her that her lst name was something else. But, I told him what is on the birth certificate GOES...period. It doesn't mean that he is not her dad and he does not have the same obligations, but if I was raising her, she was going to have my name. Just my 2 cents

Welcome Trisha!!

Welcome to the Site Trisha :welcome:

Thank you ladies!