Hello all I hope all you single mothers dont get upset that I posted this in a mothers area but I have a couple questions that I feel only a women can answer.

Since my divorce my finances have just been horrible and I just cant seem to get on my feet. Im also lonely cause I havent dated in over a year. I did meet someone back in february who we have become great friends but our distance keeps us from having anymore than that friendship. I am lonely though and my question for you is being that i am so broke where I can really not even afford to date should I wait stay lonely and not date or should after a year get out there and try to meet someone. I just feel that my financial means will keep me from having alot to offer. People tell me if a women really likes you it wont matter but in truth would a women date a guy who really cant afford to take her out. I would like your honest opinion so that I know if I should wait or if I should move on and try. Its just so lonely at times and I trully miss the intamacy and the sharing of my life with someone. So I figured the best people ta ask was single mothers. Thank you for answering honestly too.

If you are upfront about your situation and not being selfish with your money, then a good woman would understand. There are so many ways to be creative and have quality dates where you can get to know someone more indepth if there isn't the hype of a "circus" date LOL

It's different when a guy has the money and won't make an effort in any way, even simple dates. Creativity is awesome and can make some really nice times with someone. If you can cook, that's always nice or even if you take a prepared meal and go to a park or sit outside on the porch or deck.

I'm impressed with any little gesture that says "hey! I've worked hard to do this for you." And by work hard, I don't mean money, even time, just that little extra out of the way to treat her nice.
There is something special when a guy does the date planning. It's old fashioned and what matters most is what comes from the heart. I don't mind getting the tab if I have the money but in my experience it happens too often and my bf has money for other luxuries but complains if he pays for a meal. We always have to be even in who pays for what even though he makes more money and can do the things he enjoys. But hey, he says, I'm the one who decided to get pregnant. he can be such a jerk like that.

But a good woman who will be there through it all, because that's what you need, will understand. When times get tough you need that partner to be by your side through it all and someone who can appreciate your honesty and understand your heart.

Hope it helps and I didn't ramble on too much.

Kim

i understand where you're coming from. honestly, i can see where finances can be a real roadblock for a man trying to date. as a woman, i can tell you that i love to go on dates because i know that for the most part i won't have to pay. it sounds selfish and greedy, but "old fashioned" guys do pay. and i appreciate it. (that's honestly how i feel).
now having said that, let me also say that when God brings you someone in your life, finances will not be the roadblock that knocks them off your path. lonliness is the possibly the most difficult part of single parenting (second only to FINANCIAL problems! ) and i can imagine that it must be so difficult on the man's side to be ready and wanting to meet a woman and know that the money's not there to go out, etc. My best advice as a woman to a man is sit tight. It's just too difficult to try to jump start a relationship with a big money issue on the table right off the bat. As a friend to a friend let me say, keep your heart open and your eyes on the horizon, because someone may just walk right into your life and a relationship will flourish without anything more than your presence to make it work.

be strong and courageous. lean on a shoulder when you need to, offer your own when you can.

...julie

Thank you for you reply. I am very old fashion i believe its the guy who pays as well so i think its very difficult for me to date at this time. But its hard feeling lonely after 2 years. any way have a good night and thank you.

Maybe I was misunderstood. I know I feel some resentment having dates where I had to put up some kind of money. I'm just saying dates shouldn't have to be elaborate. Isn't it still old fashioned if the guy plans and prepares for a date, even if say it's just a picnic or simple activity? Or is that wrong? Even making dinner for a date, is that wrong? I know that managing what you have is important for everyone and more important than having money. If a person is truly trying to get by and managing their finances as best as they can, without frivilous, unnecessary spending doesn't that account for something? I don't think you should spend your life alone because you feel you have nothing monitarily to offer on a date.

I'm no expert on dating, I grew up poor and helped support my family while my mom was strung out on drugs, so I do tend to be a caretaker type personality and maybe that's why I can except I may never live a lavish life or never really have anything. Lavish gifts don't impress me either, the simplest things, inexpensive flowers, a card, or cooked dinner. You say in your profile about poetry, find a person who appreciates that.

Keep your chin up, it will all pass.
Kim

I agree that creativity can take you further than money, alone.

I actually don't like going to movies and dinner the first few times I go out with a guy, b/c it's too much pressure to perform, IMO. It's not relaxed and simple. I think, in the beginning, your lack of funds shouldn't be an issue. Go to the park and stroll around. Go window-shopping downtown. Meet at a bookstore and look around while talking.

The most important part of dating, at first, is getting to know the person. I find it difficult to do that while watching a film or eating. Maybe that's just my issue. LOL I prefer meeting over coffee or tea, if food needs to be involved, and just walking around and gabbing.

There are other ways to satisfy your desire to be "old fashioned". Open doors for her. Actually listen to what she's talking about and actively participate in the conversations. Tell her about yourself.

That's as "old fashioned" as I think anyone needs to be, these days. If you're too wrapped up in how you're not providing what you think you ought to provide, you won't be able to focus on your date. She'll be able to sense your distraction and it may turn her off. Money isn't necessary, but attention and focus is. As long as you're thinking about your lack of funds, you won't be thinking about her...and that's who you should be thinking about.

Good luck!

Awwww... I'd date you with no money. ha ha. I think other single parents will completely understand. Besides, if someone doesn't understand after being subjected to your charms then do you really want to date them anyway? I mean as single parents I think we really need to stick together. Of course it's been a year for me since my hubby left and I haven't dated yet. I think I'm only just now ready to maybe start thinking about a date. And honestly I would be so happy with a cup of coffee and a long conversation getting to know someone, or a movie in and a homemade dinner. I'm much more interested in the company I'm in and the conversation and connection than a big date production. In fact in a way I dread the thought of a dinner out, I'd rather sit on a park bench and just talk to someone for a couple of hours. It seems like so much less pressure. I belive there's a pea for every pod. For me, having to reluctantly think about entering the dating world again I find myself much more low maintenance than when I was dating in my 20's. Of course I could be the only freaky woman out there that feels this way? I still question my sanity some days. Ha ha.

I totally agree with you CM. I love the movie "You've Got Mail" and the best part is those cute little dates they had. that's all I would want. But creative men are a rare find! LOL I think overspending for dates is the easy way out and what happens if things get tough financially down the line, the creative guy is the one I want caring for me, I think...LOL

Kim

quote:

Originally posted by momto3inpa:
I totally agree with you CM. I love the movie "You've Got Mail" and the best part is those cute little dates they had. that's all I would want. But creative men are a rare find! LOL I think overspending for dates is the easy way out and what happens if things get tough financially down the line, the creative guy is the one I want caring for me, I think...LOL

Kim

I just wanted to add too that the creative guy, because he's been using his head to come up with ideas just for dates will, in a time of crisis, be more likely to have a plan of action. The over spending, no thought goes into that really. By george!! I want a guy with a head on his shoulders.