At times it gets so frustrating being a single mom. I am originally from California but it was such a struggle for me while I was there that I boldly moved. When I made the decision to move, I did not tell the donor of my child for being "Fearful" of what he may do.
He gives my child this lame excuse about not keeping in contact with her because he can't call. He tells her that he can't tell her why but he just can't. After years and years of giving this man the benefit of the doubt, I finally filed child support.

I get so angry because he freely drives his expensive cars, and wears name brand clothes, and can get in his car and freely do as he pleases while I struggle to be mom and dad. He has refused to pay child support willingly but willingly has the freedom to do other things with his money.

I know that God will handle the situation but sometimes I wish He would hurry!

I don't have friends where I live. I have family but that's not always a good thing. Nor, have I gotten a car yet. I have nothing but time on my hands to think of how this man hurt us and how I want God to bless me with a husband that will treat us the way we deserve to be treated. After praying last week the answer that I received from God was that He brought me out here to heal me and instill more attributes in me. I will be moving back home but not until I obtain my degree.
One minute I'm happy about all that God has for me and the next minute I am angry because I have no friends, no one that I trust enough to express my feelings and no one who can relate to what i'm going through.

If I can just meet one person who has been through something similar to what I'm going through and can say that they have just about made it through then that would be so encouraging for me. Sadly, everyone that I know is basically at the same place that I am at. One minute enthusiastic and ambitious the next anxious and depressed.

Hey,

Welcome to the site. You have come to the right place. You will def meet someone who has been through the same things as you. If you need support or advice this is the place to be.

It is very hard to be a single mom and have a baby daddy who does not support you. It is even harder when they always have an excuse for why they cannot handle their responsibilities. I am glad to hear you filed for child support, he is not being fair to your child by riding in nice cars and doing what he wants.

My daughters father is the same way, he makes excuses for why he can't come see her and while I am home listening to her cry and waking in the night with her, he gets to sleep soundly. He then has the nerve to tell me that raising a child isnt hard and I shouldnt be tired, I am making the situation worse than it seems.

Get your degree, feel better about yourself and get that child support before you go back to California. Good luck to you and we are all here for ya.

Liberty - kudos to you for getting your degree and digging down deep to find the strength to make positive decisions for you and your child. I agree with J3pt44 - not paying child support is simply unjustifiable and totally unfair.

I know it is hard to accept a father's lack of involvment. I took it personally for the first year we split - like he was trying to punish me by being non-chalant or dissinterested in our boys. With counseling (this helped me more than friends or family viewpoints), I realized that even if I were with him, I would still be doing it alone. If their hearts aren't in it....only a higher being can lead them to it. No amount of anger, begging, crying or resentment can change a person's heart. My thought is, get counseling if you have not, support from us, friends and family when you can.

If you can model a healthy release of your feelings for your daughter, you will help her grow into an emotionally healty woman, even without her biological father. Good luck and keep your chin up!

Oh my gosh girl. I am going to counseling right now. Isn't it the most helpful thing in the world. I love it, its a place for me to get all of my feelings about him out. Because Lord knows when I tell him he doesnt care at all and actually thinks its funny

Thank you J3pt44 and mkelley for your encouraging
responses. It is nothing like having someone who understands what you are going through. I have a problem with people who have never been in this situation saying "I understand". I know they mean well but "Let's be real..."

I have no choice but to keep my head up and allow God to have His way in my life. I know that "He led me from Los Angeles, to Spokane WA to heal me, make me stronger and get me back on track. It's just hard sometimes when your child needs you to pour into her and no one is pouring into you. (know what I mean?) It's just draining.

It is also a blessing that I have found you all.
Thanks again ladies!!!

Liberty

God will always give you what you need. Remember God is pouring into you what you are pouring into your child. It just takes us time to notice, when you look back on things you will ask yourself how you had the strength to do it and you will then realize that your strength came from God.

Good morning J3pt44...
I just received your response. Thank you, you are right. I know exactly who is pouring into me. He is reshaping me into the woman that I should have been a long time ago and it's painful and uncomfortable. Being crushed and remolded. It reminds me of a broken bone mending itself the wrong way and the doctor having to rebreak it that it may heal properly. That's where I am. I know that I can't turn around because there is too much in store for me and I refuse to go back to the painful situations that I came out of.
I know that I am not the only one who can relate to this.
God has me at a place where I am alone and it's different but at the same time it's exciting to know that He that has begun a good work is us faithful to complete it (until the day of Christ). I just feel like Mary J. when she said "no more drama"

Have a good day
Liberty

LOL, Mary J she hit it right on the nose with that song.

It's exciting that you are ready to take on the challenge of become a stronger person, I wouldnt say better because I am sure you are great. God gives challenges to those who can handle it, and it sounds like He thinks you can handle an awful lot. Good luck to you and I will keep you in my prayers.

Thanks..
so now I am going to be nosey if that is okay...
How old is your daughter? Is that your only child? (She's beautiful by the way).
What do you do to keep from "going to the left" (I call it) on her dad?
See, as I said before I have NO FRIENDS where I've moved to so I have nothing but time on my hands to think about all kinds of stuff. Whether is be past present of future. I could have easliy been vindictive to my BD (baby daddy) but why? God will handle him. The Bible says that a man that does not take care of his family is worst than a infidel. Translation: being that this man is saved and refuses to take care of his daughter, that makes him worst than a non-believer. I should have filed a long time ago and just didn't but there are so many other things that I could have done. Instead, I pray for him. (Now I know I'm a changed woman)!

The plans that you have made to better the life of you and your child, have you already began taking steps in that direction?
I have, but my days are so long that I have to fight to keep from being impatient.

I have TD Jakes book Help I'm Raising my Chidren Alone. I've had it for a while and I'm on the third chapter. Maybe that will also help me cope.
My daughter is almost nine but I just moved 9 months ago so I feel that this is all new to me.
I have to say that God had met is here though. I see His hands working on our behalf.

Liberty

My daughter just turned six weeks yesterday. She is such a big girl for her age. She is my only child, hopefully God will bless me with many more. LOL, what do I do to keep from going left on her dad. Girl, if I knew where he lived I would have threw down with him. But I dont know where he is which is God's way of telling me to relax and think about things. I am actually glad I don't know where he lives because jail is no place to raise a baby. I go to a therapist every two weeks to talk about my feelings towards him and being a single mom. I take great pride in being a single mom. i do not have many friends either and the ones I have that I am closest to are living in other states. And I have no friends who are single mothers. Everytime I look into my daugthers eyes and she stares intently at me and gives me a huge smile I just melt.

Some things that I think about in dealing with not having him be supportive, I think about my own upbringing and how I never got to know my birth mother until i was 21 and I still have never talked to my birth dad as he lay in a hospital dying of AIDS; and I think how blessed my daughter is to have her mother want her, how blessed she is that she has two grandmothers and two grandfathers along with many great uncles and aunts who love her to death and want to be apart of her life. When I think of all the people that now want to be apart of her life compared to the one little boy that doesnt, its overwhelming.
God brought me to my birth family after 21 years and it is the best thing that has happened to me besides having my daughter. I will always have faith that Cierra will someday have a father who cares for her whether its her sperm donor or not. God brings out the best of even the worst situations, and I know that because when I look at my daughter she looks just like me, accept she has her fathers cute ears and adorable forehead. He took his best attributes and instilled them in her and He took my best attributes and instilled them in her.

All I can do is pray for her father, that he gets himself together. Because he is struggling with his life right now and I do not like to see him hurt as much as he has hurt me. I am above all that. Take one day at a time, one smile at a time.

Sorry for rambling on, I just get so taken away sometimes.

It's okay,
I can do some sho nuff rambling myself.In fact...THIS IS A LONG ONE!!!
I don't know if I shared this with you or not but after 7-8 years of struggling and going through _ell I had to make a decision and fast. I prayed and prayed and within days got an answer. ( Tell me when you get tired of me I know I've been rambling all day). I was offered a job in Washington. I have family out here and I was so fed up with things at home so I accepted. I didn't even have an interview. God told the person to hire me. I left without telling the BD anything. I had to. He puts it out there like he's father of the year but I know better so he would have done anything in his power to keep me from leaving. At least with my daughter.
When i first got here I loved it. I got an apartment within 2 weeks of being here. Joined a church that I liked ( at the time) had support from my family and even had a few friends.
I was really reserved and newly adjusting so of course I wasn't really "Me". I was cautious and reacquainting myself with my family. I loved my job, church, family, friends, etc;
When I moved from my uncle and aunts apartment and they realized that they couldn't keep tabs on me and that I am totally independent they started changing. When my boss was able to sense the anointing that was on my life he started doing crafty things to me. When I allowed myself to get back into the presence of God I saw how religious the church was and I was no longer getting fed.
The friends that I thought I had became flakey. my family began sneaky, nosey and underhanded.
My boss is not only my boss, but the manager of the apartments that I live in and on the board at the church that I was going to. He would tell people that I was late on my rent, he would start rumors saying that I'm not paying my rent because I was moving back to CA, my family starting believing him and telling other people, he took my position as program supervisor and made me a teacher, played games with my pay. In fact if I were the vindictive person that we talked to earlier, then I would have had legal grounds to sue them. It's just a mess.
There are many days that I dread going to my job, there are many days that I stay depressed because I have no one to talk to. My friends are all in CA and I don't tell them everything because I need someone who can be real but also tell me what God says.
I sit down alot and write out my future business plans but I then get depressed becasue my days are so long and I get excited only to face reality and become heavy and depressed again.
Like I said, I thank God for this site because at least there are a few people that can relate.
I take pleasure in God wanting my time however sometimes I want someone to talk to whether it be to vent, laugh, pray , or encourage someone else.
Liberty

Hey girl,

Well, thats what I am here for. Vent to me anytime, I am also down for a good laugh. Girl, arent you just tired of the drama. Let me tell you something funny, I posted this somewhere else. Looking back on it I just laugh. Cierra's father called me last thursday and the first words out of his mouth was i need a favor. mind you he has done nothing for cierra and doesnt even know her name. then he tells me i need to borrow your car. i just laughed and asked him if he was serious. he said he had an interview so i told him i would have to drive him cuz he aint gettin my car. needless to say time for the interview and he is nowhere to be found. Now, I cant even be mad at him, i just laugh at how selfish and immature he is. I actually for sorry for him too, because he aint the brightest bulb in the batch.
I am glad you joined the site, always seek me out to talk when you need too.

NO HE DID NOT!!
Girl these brothas are crazy. Maybe he is related to my daughters dad. I remember my BD asking to use my car one time right? After months of dropping me off at work and trying to dictate when I drive my own car (that I pay the note on) we got into it and he called himself giving my care back.....I find out that his little bucket worked well and on top of that he went and bought himself a Benz (liv'n' at home w/ his mama).

Was that supposed to prove something?

I also remember a long time ago, before my daughter was even born..he called me and said he needed a favor. Girl the favor was to let him and this guy come to my house so that this guy can tatoo my BD's moms name on his chest. I was still living with my mother. I should have known then.
What's wrong with them?

LOL!!!! I swear these brothas are really starting to show out. I just dont get it, and it is so hard to find a good one. All the crap they tell you when you first start dating or you first meet them, its all so they can wheel you in. He also had the nerve to call me at 1:46am on Sunday morning talking bout I am so sorry I didnt meet you but the ride i was supposed to get didnt work out. Wasn't that the freakin' point of me giving him a ride, so he would have one. I don't get it!!!!!!!! He also said that he would call me the next day as soon as he could so I could me him somewhere so he could finally see his daughter. Of course he never called. OOOOOOO I am so tired of him, I am bout to tell him not to call me anymore he has already drivin me to a counselor and I am not the crazy one. I am bout to get real ghetto on his a$$ if he keep showin' out.

I am new and believe this is just what I need to get me through a tough time. What you have said - about being crushed and remolded cut right through me. It is exactly how I feel - painful and uncomfortable. But I have to have faith that better things are to come. My daughter is 3 months. Her father wants to be involved but works 2 jobs and goes to school. And now his ex girlfriend (that he has a son with) recently moved into his house. Just not very easy for me, especially since we do have an amicable relationship and he lives only 5 blocks away. Dealing with raising my daughter alone isn't the hardest part, it's dealing with the loss of my relationship with her father (I foolishly believed that we would get back together.)Thanks so much for the support. It is very healing to know that others are in the same boat.

quote:

Originally posted by Liberty:
[qb] Good morning J3pt44...
I just received your response. Thank you, you are right. I know exactly who is pouring into me. He is reshaping me into the woman that I should have been a long time ago and it's painful and uncomfortable. Being crushed and remolded. It reminds me of a broken bone mending itself the wrong way and the doctor having to rebreak it that it may heal properly. That's where I am. I know that I can't turn around because there is too much in store for me and I refuse to go back to the painful situations that I came out of.
I know that I am not the only one who can relate to this.
God has me at a place where I am alone and it's different but at the same time it's exciting to know that He that has begun a good work is us faithful to complete it (until the day of Christ). I just feel like Mary J. when she said "no more drama"

Have a good day
Liberty [/qb]