Hello everyone,

I'm a new member here. I have two children, girls, ages 10 & 2.

I feel like my life is in such disarray and that I have strayed from everything I was taught.

I had my first child at 21. I was alone and afraid. My grandmother (my grandparents raised me) died 2 months before I gave birth to my 10 year old.

Since that time I feel as though I've made one wrong choice after another.

But I worked and provided as best as I could for my daughter. Her father was not around and wouldn't interact with her because he was angry with me.

I finally started getting my act together when I met someone and started dating him.

Within 6 months time I was pregnant. When we found out I was pregnant he seemed okay with it. But a month later he came to me expressing his desire to abort. But we'd already had the "in the event a pregnancy occurs" situation and he knew I was very anti-abortion. How ironic is it that I'd just started taking the pill a few week prior to conception?

I moved out of my aunt's house and into a house that he and I rented together. We settled down and tried to make a go of it.

When we moved in together he was still looking for employment so I basically carried us from June until September. He didn't get a job until we broke up in September and he moved from our bedroom into one of the extra bedrooms in the house. At this point I was 6 months pregnant and miserable.

When I had our daughter a few months later, he came with me for the delivery but left after she was born and did not return until 2 days later when we were being released.

He spent minimal time with her during those first few months and never bought her anything. No crib, bassinet, food, diapers, wipes, bottles. Nothing.

I remember I'd come home one day from a weekend at my mother's where he greeted me with a copy of our daughter's birth certificate.

In PA, in order for the father of a child born out of wedlock to be placed on the birth certificate, he must complete an Acknowledgement of Paternity form. Well, when we completed it at the hospital, he filled it out incorrectly and the form was returned to us. In the interim, Vital Statistics sent out a birth certificate with just my name on it. Well, he thought I removed his name from the certificate. Needless to say this turned into a very ugly conversation and at one point he said to me "No woman gets pregnant unless she wants to".

That conversation left me reeling.

Eventually he apologized for accusing me of removing him from the birth certificate but we continued living in the house as strangers.

Then, I returned to work. My first pay was screwed up and I called him and asked him would he be able to by our daughter some items to hold me over until I got paid again.

He told me that he couldn't give me any $ because he was going on a week's vacation and that I would have to wait until he returned.

Can you imagine? I'd never asked him to buy ANYTHING and he couldn't come up with $100 to give to his daughter.... But he could muster up enough money to go visit some woman in Canada.

Did I mention that this was right after he'd received his income tax refund from claiming our daughter? She never saw a dime of it.

But I loved him. Even through all of that, I loved him. And while I was angry, I was mostly angry with myself.

When our lease was up, he moved out.

Eventually, we got back together.

And I allowed him to use me.

Now, we've broken up again. And he is telling me that he won't call his daughter because he doesn't "have time". But yet, he has time to call his friends and his new girlfriend daily.

My heart is breaking. For her, for me and for my oldest daughter because she loved him too.

He doesn't pay child support. My oldest daughter's father pays when he feels like it.

I am working 2 jobs. M-F, 8-5:30 & Sat-Sun, 8:00-6:45. On top of that I am going to school full-time.

I'm being stretched thin. I cry ALL OF THE TIME. I want the pain to stop.

And he's moved on. With a married woman who has three children and still lives with her husband.

All of the signs were there, I chose to ignore them and now my children are paying dearly for my stupidity.

What a horrible story. I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. And really, that schedule has to make everything seem worse -- you never get a second to just sit down and breathe! I wish I could help, but I am pulling for you. I think you'll be so much better off when you work through the pain of what the guy did to your heart and are able to put it behind you. Your kids are counting on you, and between working so much and going to school you're definitely showing them the value of hard work and that they can accomplish anything if they work hard enough. Focus on that -- you're a good mother and you're doing your best for your kids. Everything else pales in comparison to that.

First of all welcome to SFV-- you found a great place for venting and support--I was where you are just a few short months ago and my life has changed drastically since then and you will too--believe me you will find the strength to move on to a better place!!

WELCOME!!!!
You have already taken the steps you need to get yourself on track & coming here was a GREAT way to start!! People here are wonderful, supportive and many have been exactly where you are & made amazing accomplishments in their lives!! My first thoughts would back up exactly what jwriter said!!! your 10 year old sees all that you are doing for them & your baby will too!! You need to heal your heart & that is just so hard to do when you are hurt to the core!! Focus on you as much as your hectic schedule will allow & believe in yourself & that you are a GREAT mom!! Many of us are here b/c of "stupid" (in hindsight) choices we made or continue to make in reguard to relationships but we all have some deep things in common...we LOVE our children & we want our lives to be better for ourselves & for our kids..Hang in there and stay strong!! You are on the right path & YOU are NOT alone!!!!

Welcome to SFV.

Making a bad choice is often something done out of the very human desire to be loved. It's not a crime. And, it's not a reason you should suffer for the rest of your life.

Like you, I jumped in with my eyes closed and was pregnant by the time I realized what I had gotten myself into. I tried beyond what I think anyone else would have to make it work. It just didn't work. I've always felt it was my fault my daughter will grow up without a father around. The guilt is often unbearable. But my guilt won't help her and it is an unnecessary burden in our lives.

I've come to see my marriage as just what I had to go through to get my amazing daughter. I hope you come to see things that way, too. And good for you for doing all you do and going to school too. Hang in there.

You can tell by the responses that first, not one of us holds you in judgment. I'm sure all of us has had an OMG moment with a guy. I know it probably doesn't feel like it but girlfriend, you are so fortunate to be able to face your situation head on and call it as it was. Sugar-coating it won't help so good for you that you saw the good, bad and the ugly. Now you can claim for yourself what you will not ever tolerate again. You already know what pain looks like. But to be left holding the bag with no help, no support and to be heartbroken is heavy. Accept that you deserve MORE. So do your princesses. If a guy can't give you the basics upfront, you don't need him. With jobs, even our cars, we WANT something better than what we had last. We should want the same in a mate. You deserve it.