I am 8 months pregnant and my partner of 6 years just moved out. I have never in my life felt so horrible as I do at this moment. I am so devistated that I cant even think straight. I really did not expect this at all. I am 34 years old, gay, and now single. What a wonderful combination!!!! I am so shocked that a woman would actually do this to another woman. The most horrible thing is she never even gave me the smallest clue that she wanted to separate until 3 days ago. Now she is staying with some other girl and trying to get her to be her new girlfriend. (and of course lying about it to me, the "new" girl told me about it.) The horrible thing is she keeps telling me she doesnt want to loose me, but she needs to clear her head. Yeah ok. Everyone, including her family is so upset and shocked, but she really does not seem to care. I really dont understand this at all. We planned this for so long and now its finally a reality and she just walks out. I heard that she told the new girl that she actually had nothing to do with me getting pregnant. That broke my heart, shes the one that did the insemination. I am just so sad... any support would be great.

Well here's something new. Welocome to SFV kris099.

It seems gender is irrelevant when it comes to abandonment. Your post sounds just like the thousands of others I've read here. Woman gets pregnant; partner walks out. You'll find company here. We are an excepting bunch. And you are about to be a single parent. It's little slow around here on Saturday mornings but hang around for a while and I'm sure someone will add their thoughts.

See ya around.

kris,

I agree with JD... gender does not seem to matter when it comes to people hurting other people. It sounds like your partner had a change of heart, and is no longer willing to share the joys or burdens of raising a child with you.

I do not know what the legal situation for this is. Unlike a biological father, she may have no obligations to help you with the baby.

The best thing you can do for yourself is get prepared to be a single Mom. In that, you are not alone. It is not easy, but it is done every day by many parents (women and men).

Give yourself time to heal. A long term relationship is not something you can get over in a short amount of time. It sounds like your ex is into drama, and I must say - that is not good for you or the baby. Try to move on with your life, so you can provide a stable and healthy environment for your child.

Good luck. I'm sure someone will have better advice for ya. I know what it's like to be a single Mom. As I said, it's not easy - but it is doable.

Thank you all for your kind words. This is just about the saddest thing that has happened, but your messages made me smile. Thank you.
Kris

kris alot of us are in the same boat for whatever reason so like everyone has said your not alone-im 37 weeks and single, although i have to say that the ex has seemed to come around and is willing to live up to his financial responsibilities, which is a big change from when i first started on this site. You hope for the best but plan for the worst. Not that we want you to get into details, but like Inni said not sure what her responsibility is unless you had an agreement in writing, , but if there is a donor and you know who he is could he help you?

Kirs,

Like every else said gender has nothing to with it when it comes to deserting the other person. Funny my X claims he had nothing to w/my pregnany and if I remember right he to had something to w/the sperm back in March of 05 LOL You have to laugh at this situation b/c if you don't things will be to unbearable for you somedays.

Anyways I'm 25wks pregnate and I already have a little boy who is 8rys for a pervious relationship. It's scary but expect the worst and hope for the best right?! I'm planning on being a single mommy again and hoping that maybe my X will come around after the baby is here.

Clear her head? Well my X did that and I have not heard from him since July. LIke it was posted she sounds imature and ran like my X did and is acting like a 16yrs child. Leing to get w/this other girl.

I hope things work out for you but if not we are always here for you. Being a single parent is not easy but its something anyone can accomplish if they try and have support.

Good luck to you and your baby. If you need us we are here.

SPIRIT

There is no legal obligation for her to help me. We were planning on doing a 2nd parent adoption after the baby was born, then things would have been different. As far as the donor he signed papers so he was not obligated in any way. (thats how me and my ex wanted it). So he would be of no help. Not that I would ever expect it.
I really dont want to see her or here from her again at this point, its just to painfull. So even if she said she would help, I would not believe it or except it.
There seems to be alot I really did not know about her over the years, and from what I can figure out she is just a compulsive lier. I dont want someone like that around my child anyway. I just have to get over the pain of being betrayed. It really sucks...
Thanks all - Kris

well was her name on the papers that he signed, is there anything linking her to this that you could maybe call a lawyer and get a free consultation?

No her name was not on the papers the donor signed. It just said he was donating to me, she did sign her name as a witness, but thats it. She has lost her job since all this has happened anyway, so she doesnt have any money to help with. She stopped going to work because she "needed to get her self together". lol... I think she just decided to throw away everything in one shot and start over fresh... jerk
kris

This does bring up a very interesting question. In some cases, common-law status applies to obligations. How long have you been together? Co-habitate? Share bills and other costs? Who, if there was, was the bread-winner? Were either of you on shared benefits through work or other?

I'm not asking for answers. Just offering some new thoughts.

we were together for 6 years and lived together for about 5 1/2 years. We mostly had used my credit for everything because she had bad credit. So I legally own everything.. The car, the house... you name it its in my name, but we always did it "together". Of course now I am stuck paying for EVERYTHING because legally nothing is in her name. Thank God my mother is helping me pay for things at this point.

and NJ doesnt recognize common law marriages either. but here is some info about domestic partnerships
New Jersey Domestic Partners

Same-*** couples in New Jersey can register as domestic partners, thanks to a law that went into effect July 10, 2004.

Benefits

The law gives domestic partners several new rights, including:

Guaranteed hospital visitation rights;
The right to make medical or legal decisions for an incapacitated partner; and
Exemption from the state�s personal income tax and transfer inheritance tax on the same basis as married spouses.
In addition, insurance companies are required to offer domestic partner benefits. Registered partners of state employees are eligible for coverage through the state government�s insurance providers. Private employers, however, can choose whether or not to offer benefits to their employees� same-*** partners.

Eligibility

According to the law, to register for a domestic partnership both partners must:

�Have chosen to share each other�s lives in a committed relationship of mutual caring�;
Agree to be jointly responsible for each other�s basic living expenses;
Be the same *** and, therefore, unable to enter into a marriage with each other that is recognized by New Jersey law (Note: There is an exception for opposite-*** couples who are more than 62 years old);
Have a shared address in New Jersey;
Not be in a marriage recognized by New Jersey law or in another domestic partnership;
Not be related to each other;
Be at least 18 years old;
Jointly file an Affidavit of Domestic Partnership; and
Not have been in a previous domestic partnership that was terminated less than 180 days before the new partnership begins.
The signed Affidavit of Domestic Partnership must be presented to a local registrar of vital statistics at any city or town in New Jersey. Both partners must sign the affidavit in the presence of the notary public.

More Information:

Domestic Partnership in New Jersey

also go to hrc.org which has info on same *** parenting rights etc

Thanks so much for the info...
kris