Hello everyone. I have been divorced for 12 years and raising my twin daughters alone ever since. Their father bounces in and out of their lives at his convenience, but we have made it through and I wouldn't trade it for the world. They are wonderful 16 year old young women today. Here's the twist. I thought I was just about done being a single parent and was looking forward to being the single parent of grown, self-sufficent women. However, I discovered last week that I am pregnant again. Now I'm starting over. The father wants nothing to do with the situation, except to pay for an abortion. We had been dating for several months, but neither one of us wants anything permanent with the other. I told him he's off the hook and I will take care of everything. Now I'm scared. At least my ex paid child support and insurance. This time I'm on my own. Any advice from others in similar situations? Thanks for listening.

Well, let me be the first of many to welcome you to the site. I'm not in your position, so I can only imagine how hard all this is. All I can say is, where there's a will, there's a way. You already have built-in babysitting. I would (and this is my opinion) take him to court for child support. Whether he wants anything to do with the child is beside the point. He helped make a baby, and he needs to step up and help out. You can still have primary custody. Those are two separate issues, legally. Well, at least you found out before the baby came what he really feels. Anytime you need to vent or need advice, we're here for ya.

Hello starting over,
I want to first say welcome to the board. Wow 2, 16 year old girls! How very wonderful. At the very least you know you can do it, and in saying that they are self-sufficient you did something right. I don't have any advice to give you other than you should put him on the birth certificate, because you never know if someday she might want to know who he is and you may or may not be here. I would also at some point get it on paper that you have custody, and when in filing for that I would also go for child support. It is some of his responsibility to help you with the settling of things even if he doesn't want to be in involved physically. He is an adult and does realize that when you have *** with someone it does risk the possibility of getting someone pregnant. I am sorry that the concern is all on you. He may be off the hook physically but financially he needs to be a man and help out. I hope to see you around. Take it slow and try not to worry, everything happens for a reason.

Hey Starting Over, I agree with the previous two's advices. You need to demand child support at the least! It's his obligation, not a choice. There's no reason for you to have to take the financial burden all to yourself ..... and your baby deserves all that he/she can get from both parents. Good luck!

I can't say that I totally agree. I have two girls 3 and 6 and they have only seen their dad a handful of times and I would give anything to never have put his name on their birth certificate. If anything were to happen to me they would go straight to him and they don't know him a bit. My Mother is the one I would chiise to have custody/guardianship of them if I were incapacitated or gone and she would have to go through a huge legal battle to get them. I am not saying that this is a concern for you, I am just trying to demonstrate that sometimes child support comes with a price and sometimes that price is not worth the child support.

The government has made it legally impossible for a man to be free and clear of being in a child's life, even if both parents consent.

When did this happen? When I wanted to end parental rights in Texas they just said he had to sign the legal papers. Thank God he straightened out and we did not have to go this route. I know that you CAN NOT do it without the other parents consent or notification even if they abandon the child. I believe it should be a last resort/safety of the chid only resolution.

You actually can do it without the other parent's consent but you do have to do it with notification and they have a right to make a case against it. Each state has different qualifying cercumstances for terminating rights.
Go to this website to find out more about your state, just click the state and then go to "terminating parental rights"

web page

That information is correct on that site, but not really the whole story. Most judges will only do it if there is someone else lined up to adopt the child, and the mother is remarried. I went through that two years ago, and lost in court.

But Texas is always different. Some of the states up here could learn alot by following the example of Texas, and few other southern states.

My insurance company denied my claim for birth expenses because I was a single mother. They want the father's insurance to pay half. The only way I could get his insurance to help me out with the bill was to file through the child support agency. Unless I listed the father as "unknown" on the birth certificate.

I just want to let you know from personal experience... I'm not sure about Ohio, but here in VA and SC (where my daughter was born), you don't have to have the father on the birth certificate to get child support. My daughter's dad has to pay it and he's not on her BC. He never will be. But he's still required to take care of her. If your baby chooses to find his/her father in the future and you're not around, they can find it somehow (through the courts for child support maybe), and I don't think I would put him on there for that purpose only. As schoolmommy stated, if something were to happen to you, the child would go to him. I would not put him on the BC, but still make him pay CS. They will ask him if he acknowledges the child is his and if he denies, they will do a DNA test. Don't let him off the hook for that. Like Thinker said, he had to know that *** could cause a pregnancy... you didn't do it by yourself.

Good luck, keep us posted!

It does not sound like you NEED child support. But he can change his mind at any point and say that you would not let him be involved. Whatever you do, do it legally. Then he cannot deny that he had the opportunity to stand up and be a father.

Now talk to me about raising twin daughters as a single mom.......

Thanks so much everyone for the advice! I went through the court system with my daughters and I just don't know if I have the strength to go through it again. I would prefer to do it alone. I haven't heard from the father and I know he's planning a move out of state, but I don't know where. The likelihood of him suddenly returning to our lives is very minimal. I know he should be held just as accountable as I am, and under different cirrcumstances I would agree 100%. I've dealt with the hassels of visitation and a father running in and out of my daughters' lives for years. I just don't think it's fair to put another child through that if I have a choice. My daughters still struggle with all the issues associated with an absent father. It used to crush them when he didn't show or cancelled. Now it just makes them mad. How fair is it to subject the child to a father that wants nothing to do with them?

quote:

Originally posted by imlivnloud:
[qb] It does not sound like you NEED child support. But he can change his mind at any point and say that you would not let him be involved. Whatever you do, do it legally. Then he cannot deny that he had the opportunity to stand up and be a father.

Now talk to me about raising twin daughters as a single mom....... [/qb]

Raising twins as a single parent wasn't always easy, but I'm glad they have each other to help them through the hard times. They are best friends and it has been such a joy to watch them grow. I'd have to say the most challenging part was dealing with the issues caused by their father. I've been blessed with very good children. Now that we are in the teen years we are facing dating and driving and all kinds of adult issues. So far it has been going well. I am very nervous about telling them about the upcoming baby. I've decided to wait until the first of the year to tell them. Anyway, thanks for the advice and I'm very glad I signed onto the website.