Hello Ladies!
My name is Stephanie, I'm 31 years old, and 5 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am petrified for lots of reasons. The man who got me pregnant (I hate to use the word boyfriend because most of the time he doesn't act like one) doesn't know I'm pregnant yet. I'm afraid he's going to freak out. We've been "sleeping together" on and off for about three years. During that time, he was dating someone else and she wound up pregnant. She moved in with him and had a son. Five months later, he had a DNA test done and found out the baby wasn't his. This totally messed him up for about a year. (this was in April of 2003) He was a terror to be around. He was drunk all the time, very depressed, withdrawn etc... Anyway she and the baby moved out immediately after that and now he seems much better. In January of this year, I got pregnant, and I told him. He was not happy about it at all. He wanted me to terminate the pregnancy, and I was going to because at the time I didn't have a job, but I had a miscarraige. This is one of the reasons why I'm afraid to tell him. I havent told anyone yet, not my friends, not my parents, no one. I also just started a new job working for the state. The pay sucks, but the benefits are wonderful, but it's not enough to support a baby all on my own. I am just really scared. I really want to have this baby, and I want to experience the wonderful times and challenges of motherhood. I feel I'm emotionally ready and, let's face it, I'll be 32 next month, I'm not getting any younger. I just don't feel like I should not have this baby just because it doesn't suit his time table. He's a planner, he likes everything to be planned. He's 42 years old, does well for himself, and has never been married and has no children. I feel lost...can someone help me shed some light on the situation?

Hi there!
Well, first of all, let me tell you (for my own experience)you are not alone in this situation. The father of your child doesn't seem like the best partner you could have, but let's face it, he is what you have at the time. You cannot control his reaction to the news, or if he is going to be supportive and a loving partner during your pregnancy. However, you have control over other things: your well-being, becoming economically stable for your baby, enjoying the wonder of being a mother (please enjoy your pregnancy, it will be pure magic and don't let anyone take that away!) From what I have lived, I recommend that you don't expect anything from the father, that way, if he decides to participate in some way, it will be a plus. Do not waste these precious time trying to make him react the way you would like him to. Instead, get ready for your new life and always have in mind that he will always be the father, but that doesn't mean you are stuck with him as your man.

Congratulations!

Thank You Paz for your kind words. I still haven't told him yet. He's out of town for a few days, so I've decided to wait until next week when he comes back. Thanks again!

Hi Stephanie and WELCOME! First, congratulations on your wonderful news! I think everyone here will join me in telling you that parenthood is by far the most amazing experience you can hope for in your life, beginning with (sorry dads) the thrill that is OURS alone - pregnancy. Enjoy the miracle, as that is what it is.
Next, I just wanted to say that Paz is so accurate in telling you to rely on nothing from the father, so that way you can only be pleasantly surprised, not disappointed! Remember that whatever home you provide for your child, a happy and stable one is what YOU will CHOOSE for your family, with or without him. If you don't mind the advice, remember to pamper yourself. Revel in the womanly gift of carrying a life. Get a pregnancy journal so you can remember all the beautiful little details. The 9 months go by so quickly. I've done it four times & I still can't believe what a blur it becomes. No matter how he reacts, you said so your self - you're emotionally ready. That is a BIG part of being a good mother.
And come here often. It is such a help to have 'like-minded' friends.

Hi Stephanie � Congratulations! I am 33 and also had my son at 32. Although motherhood is rewarding, single motherhood is a constant challenge. I suggest holding on to your job w/ the great bennies (you will need them). My son�s birth was totally covered by my health insurance (thank god too cuz I received an itemized statement and the cost was over $30,000!!!). Your pay will increase eventually & you can also strive to move into better paying position w/in the state. The father of this child, whether he decides to be involved or not will be obligated to pay child support so you will have that going for you too. You say he does well for himself. My son�s father actually does NOT do well for himself, yet still pays me $350 a month. I actually did not enjoy being pregnant (of course it have its special moments), luckily for me I was only pregnant for 7 months (and baby jay is now thriving!). it sounds to me like your decision has been made! good luck to you.

p.s. I waited until I was about 3 � months pregnant to tell me friends & family (mostly out of fear of their reactions regarding the baby�s dad � to my surprise I got nothing but positive reactions)

Thank you so much Thelynder and Hanzi for your posts! I'm so greatful for websites like this one that are a wealth of knowledge.I need all the info I can get!
Thanks

Hi Stephanie, I am 32 (33 in March) and the proud single mother of a 10 month old daughter. The father of my child and I had a relationship similiar to yours...we were "sleeping together" (I preferred to call it "hanging out") on and off for about a year before I got pregnant. We dated for a couple of months, broke up for 2 1/2 months, and then we got back together. I found out I was pregnant Easter 2003. I think I got pregnant the first night he and I were together again (3/13/03)and we almost broke up at the end of March, but made up after a two day split. Where our stories differ is that my baby's father was thrilled to death about my pregnancy, all the way until the baby was born, the gifts stopped coming, and the attention wasn't on us quite so much anymore. Then the day to day reality of it set in and he was outta here. Well, I'm a 32 year old single Mom and I will tell you, it ain't easy. But you know what? I wouldn't have had children if I hadn't gotten my wonderful surprise baby and she has changed my life and opened my eyes to things I never would've thought twice about before. She's brought my families together...my parents divorced before I was 2. I always had a relationship with my Dad, but he and my Mom didn't always see eye to eye. Well, the other day my Mom was in town keeping my baby and I called to see about them and my Mom, my Dad and my Child were at my house. I cannot tell you how weird that seemed. And not that there were ever any big ugly battles or mean things said about the other or anything like that. My Mom and Dad basically ignored each other. My Dad remarried to my Step Mother when I was 6. They never had any children and they are so amazing with my baby. My step mother doesn't seem like the "baby type" (she's GREAT with older kids that know how to walk, talk and poop by themselves, but her face lights up when she's with my baby. My dad and step mom keep her while I work and I am so lucky tohave them. Anyway, i am babbling on herer but what I am trying to tell you is that you do want a baby and you are ready, willing and able to take care of a baby and yourself AND you are pregnant. It's your body and your decision. He cannot force you to get rid of the child. He can abandon you, and he may very well do that, so be prepared to go it alone if you have too. But have that baby! It's the most rewarding feeling you will ever feel and there's no way to describe it. You have to experience it first hand.

Good luck to you. Take care.

Whatever happened anyways?