I am 36 and a single mother to a 19 month old boy. I have never been married and haven't yet filed for child support--I know stupid. My son's father pays for daycare and i'm responsible for everything else. I have hired an attorney but have already blown through most of the retainer fee and I'm not even 1/2 through the custody/child support issue. I'm afraid that I'll blow all of my savings and not have reserve in case something happens. In addition, I have no idea how much money my ex-boyfriend makes and if I take him to court he may be responsible for less leaving me with a higher burdon. Does anyone have any legal advice regarding these issues? I know how much he brags to make and an attorney once told me we could go after what he brags to make. Anyway-- things are crazy in my life--my son is 19 months and showing a delay in motor development (walking) which could be neurologicaly related which freaks me out as I am a Physical Therapist--pretty ironic I think. I have been an absolute mess at work--because I work with all therapist and physicians that are all giving me their opinion of what can be happening. Anyway--just venting--thanks.

Hi there,
I live in the UK. Here we have a welare office called the Child Support Agency that tracks down the absent parent by their National Insurance number and not complying with this constitutes what you would call a Federal offence.They check the earnings of the absent parent via our version of the IRS.And they are automatically deducted 15% for 1 child 25% for 2 children upto a maximum of 40% for 3 or more children.These deductions are based on what is left after the absent parent's living costs are taken into account.Is there anything similar in the US?

Regards,

Mark

Hi thanks for your response. There is a way to legally find out how much money he makes--but he runs his own contracting business and is considered an "independent contracter" Whatever he reports to make in his taxes is what they will take out----which I don't beleive he claims as much as he actually makes. In addition he does side jobs in remodeling which I know he doesn't claim.

Hi and welcome to the site, I too am very grateful for it! I'm pretty sure we have a similiar system as Mark mentioned but I'm not sure of the details. I don't think that it costs a cent to file for child support through the child support enforcement agency. I haven't actually built up the guts to do it myself but I have the paperwork they sent me. You have to fill out a bunch of paperwork and mail it in and I'm pretty sure they will do the rest, although contacting child and family services would be a good idea if you want details.
Also a retaining fee for a lawyer? I have a nice lawyer who gave me an initial consultation and now is just waiting for me to come back and start the process, I'm not sure but do all lawyers have a retaining fee?
In short if you want the money go for it, your son deserves it but be prepared for your ex to come after you for visitation.
As for your sons motor delays, you can either spend your days a nervous wreck or love him for who he is. Every child is different and they all go about things in their own time. Maybe you should contact your doctor and run some tests, if something is going off course he can receive free early intervention through the state that will help him thrive and reach his full potential, if you wait to long he may loose a lot of opportunity. Good Luck!

When I hired my lawyer, I had 2 meetings with him, free of charge, before I even hired him. I looked in the phone book and most of them advertise "free consultation". If you do go for child support, yes, he may go after visitation of the child, but with his age being so young, you may be able to get supervised visitation. I have that with both of my boys. The oldest is now 8 1/2, but since his court order was done when he was 10 months old, it is still in effect. Good luck! I have always dealt with the courts, but I will probably have to work with a child support agency b/c my ex isn't paying and he lives in another state.

Hi thanks for your help. I think what bothers me the most about my son's motor delay is thatI am a Physical therapist and I know alot about motor development delay. I actually use to work in pediatrics. I have already brought him to a neurologist-which wants a MRI done on him. I think I'm freaking out because I know too much. I feel very torn because clinically I see that he has ataxia (muscle incoordination)--but then I think well--he has just started walking----late but a lot of boys start walking late. In addition his ability to walkhas improved well in a short period of time--which is unsuual with true neurological dysfunction. I also know how the medical profession is very sensitive to delay in anything because they fear a lawsuit. On the other hand I think am I in denial of my son's disorder? But my true gut feeling is that he is o.k.. Idon't work in pediatrics any longer and I have been bringing him to a Physical Therapist that is currently in the pediatric field and her true gut feeling is that he is o.k. and doesn't understand why the neurologist ordered an MRI. I think it is good that Physicians are careful and want tests dont to be sure---but sometimes it scares the parent more then it's worth.

I believe that boys are slowing than girls in the walking department. My daughter Katie walked at 9 months. Billy took longer. In fact he never really crawled. He rolled. Then all of a sudden, he was walking while holding onto our hands. Does your son bear weight?

I know what you mean about how your ex doesn't claim all the money he makes. My stbX also receives alot of payment in cash especially during the summer. (He teaches and coaches tennis.) He is an independent contractor as well and has never claimed a true amount of income in the 10 years I've known him.

He lost his primary job about a month ago. And now he says how he isn't making any money and won't be able to keep the house etc. I hate it!

Please look into Praire State Legal Services. www .pslegal .org

Also I have heard Parents Without Partners is an awesome resource. Maybe we could meet at a meeting? I have been wanting to go but chicken to go alone! )http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/

Hang in there!
Molly

Hello single mom3 here And let me say As a mother you spend more time with him than anyone else you just know, ya know. I have 2 examples.
1. my cousin was pg with twins she didn't even know till she was 5months she was still breastfeeding. there for no periods she finally just said ya know I think I'm pg went to the drs found out with twins then they started ordering all these tests cause she went so long with out knowing and breastfeeding takes a lot away from your body any way then being pg with twins you can imagin. Well she then was told one of her twins was not develpoing right neuralogically due to the other one was taking all the nurshments theres a term for it but I can't remember well they told her it would be in the best interest to abort the small twin luckily she was like no way I give them both a chance period. If neither one was ment to walk on this earth I'll have to deal w/that well 2 months later. At 7mnth she gave birth and both twins are smarter then a pin.. Nothing they feared was acurate. they were 2lbs. +3lbs at birth but both are now 3 and get this the larger twin actaully had a problem with her heart and a valve wasn't opening and closing right. And they didn't even think the larger twin had problems she ended up having to have surgery shortly after birth and due to that there are findings that if they would have aborted the smaller twin it probally would have effected the larger twin due to the heart problem and they would have lost them both.... So stick with your instinct.... I full on agree.
2. My daughter has a conditon call tongue tied. the webbing on her tongue goes to the tip so she can't lift her tongue really. When she was 2 the dentist was like.. she has to have that clipped. other wise she will have a speach impedament her whole life and it's just way bad.. Well I had a really bad ped. at the time that was like yup needs it done. (She was horrible not just for that but thats different story). Well I was like hello doesn't count as a 2nd oppion and found another ped. (who we still to this day have he is way great)> and he was like well if you clip it now all the speaking motor skill she has created will be null and void she will have to start to learn to use her tongue a again, that could delay her in speach dramatically in its self and he was like there is new findings that some children that have this disorder can actually learn to use there tongue just right and you won't be able to tell. he was like older medicine thought theres a problem fix it and didn't think it may actually cause bigger problems in the end. We'll I listened and now my daughters 7 almost 8 and you would never even guess unless she tries to stick her tongue out at you .. All though it does insure she won't come home with a tongue piercing. LOL>>> But later in life if she chooses she can do it as a cosmetic thing but why no need.. well I've written a book sorry but REALLY AND TRULY GOOD LUCK
ariesmom3