Hi everyone, I am new to this site and thought I would tell my situation and ask if anyone has gone through something similar..I have been married for 6 years and have three young children ages five and under, and almost 7 months ago my husband was at work (he works in law enforcement) and decided to tell me over the phone one night after I got a little upset he was working overtime all weekend long, that he didnt want to be married anymore. I also found questionable stuff on the computer that night (from porn sites and confronted him about it) So he hangs up on me and comes by the next day to get his stuff--he was so incredibly cold and emotionless, I was a complete mess..lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks, couldn't sleep, etc. I told him whatever was wrong we could work it out, etc. etc. At the time he just told me to "get over it just like he was doing" Well, to make a long story a little shorter he decided to come back to try and work on things..I never questioned him, just took him back in (well he was never REALLY back-kept the trailer)..sometimes he would spend the night, other times when I asked him to talk about our relationship (which was maybe once a week) he would leave to go stay in his trailer which he had moved into when he first left (Shares it with a guy from work)...we started counseling and were beginning to see what the problems were in the relationship (he lies about everything to avoid any confrontation) and I question him because it's hard to trust him. So one night over a week ago he says again over the phone "I cant do it anymore, I lie to you and I just don't care" So since then he comes here to our home after work to be with me and the kids almost everyday, and then leaves as soon as they are in bed to go back to his trailer. I am still in counseling by myself, and he hasnt come the last 2 times. He acts like we are a family during the day with the kids but won't have anything to do with me, I have been so patient with him waiting for him to "come around" and see what he is leaving behind. I have cried so much over him, blaming myself for being too critical of him in the past--he refuses to talk about anything saying "he just doesnt want to deal with it" I dont harrass him in any way, am an honest person, great mother, no addictions, etc. etc. I dont get how someone can walk out on their spouse and family this way. He never even told me he had even been thinking about leaving, it was a total and complete shock to me and my family, neighbors, etc. He said stuff like, you are better off without me. His father died when he was 3 and his mother never talked about the death or his father (she remarried shortly after). Maybe he is emotionally stunted at that age? I can not figure this out! I thought our marriage was fine, although I knew he lied and had a habit of it (his mom caused that too-she lied to his dad so its some weird family trait), but everyone has problems right? As far as I know there is no other woman involved. Sorry for the book, but I just am trying to make sense of this, he just called me to say he was going back to the trailer to take a nap and will be here later--like absolutely nothing is wrong! Its enough to make me looney. It makes me sad, because he has some wonderful qualities--he is a great father and helps me so much with the kids and even cooks. I still love him, but at this point I don't know what to do...I am being strong for my kids and am in grad school trying to get my masters degree so I can go back to work in two-three years. My 5 year old son asked me last night why "daddy doesnt love you (meaning me) anymore" ugh. I tried to explain best I could that daddy is going through a hard time and has a hard time showing his love sometimes. well, thanks for reading, will be back on later...

HI and welcome to the site. I'm sorry to read your story and can relate to your pain and confusion, from my own experiences, although its been a long time now.
What your feeling, and going through is perfectly normal. It stinks, but it has to take its course. Makes it even harder to have kids in the picture.
One thing that pops into my mind is that you have to set up some boundaries re:him coming and going as he pleases, for your own sake. If he gets tired or whatever he just goes on his way? Maybe tell him when is good for you when he can come over.
I'm sorry I cant get more into this right now, I have a baby who limits my time on the computer, but I did want to welcome you, and let you know you are not alone. This is a really good place to just vent and know that there are other people out there who are or have gone through similar situations such as yours.

Thanks so much for the welcome-...I really do need something like this, it is good to know that someone else has made it through this type of situation... I know I need to eventually set boundaries, but I also need the help with our 3 kids so its a catch 22. He watches them while I go to school 2 nights a week...but he isnt around after they are in bed. Tonight he left after I got home from school, but called me to say he almost hit a deer on the way out of our street...why would he call me to say that? He acts like nothing is wrong and I am supposed to be his friend. Its a very strange situation. I guess I still have hope that he will realize he is making a huge mistake.