This is my first entry to SFV. I am 32 and expecting my first baby in June. I'm thrilled but the father lives in the UK and although he claims to want to be part of our lives, I'm not sure I want him to be. Just moved to NM from the East Coast...live with my mom who is very supportive but don't have a friend out here and feel sad and alone. I also don't have a job and feel like a burdon. I know that my situation isn't as bad as most but I can't help but cry myself to sleep every night.

Hello , I just wanted to say welcome..
I am a single 26yr old single mom of 3 young girls..
I know it is hard but once your baby arrives she/he will keep you busy and company...
A lot of your emotions during pregnancy can be overwhelming.. Keep your chin up..
and if your looking for friends you came to the right place there are always people here ready to give advice and support.. AS well as people needing both of those.. Hope to talk with you again..


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Love should enhance your life...
Not control...
Or...
Define it...
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This is my first visit here, and I registered just to respond (and did something wrong already!). Your situation is so similar to mine! I'm 31, due in March with my first, have moved out of state and in with Mom, no friends, I am working, but not enough to pay everything and it ties my stomach in knots, the baby's dad is in another state and has claimed that he wanted me there this whole time but just ended the relationship. He, too says that he wants to be part of the baby's life, but I feel pretty sure that although I'll happily take the child support, his emotional abuse is the primary reason I have not joined him. I am scared that he'll treat our son in the wacked ways he has treated me. I'm totally lost. Much of the time I manage to stay on an even keel about it all, but sometimes I am just so incredulous that this is my life.... Anyway, I hear ya! If you need a wailing wall, email me!

welcome to you two new moms to be... please don't dispair at how overwhelming it all seems at present, trust me it gets easier and you become more confident as your pregnancy progresses, the fears etc you feel at the moment is completely normal and is not just felt because you are becoming single parents, even in a marriage you would be afraid and overwhelmed sometimes at the prospect of becoming a mom...stick around ont he Forum, we are always here if you need to off load or discuss specific fears etc....most of us have been in your shoes and will offer you a listening and understanding ear and shoulder to lean on....look forward to getting to know you.

It's my first time here as well, I am single, 34 and due in June04 - I planned this pregnancy with a man who cannot be my mate. I've always wanted a baby and feel I can afford it as well as raise it well, as I was raised by a Single Mom. I have a lot of friends but no family, so I know it will be hard. The sole issue that burns in my head is what will I tell my child about the Dad when they ask? I am curious for ideas because I dont know what to tell mine! Any suggestions? I live by the rule of 'What you dont know, you'll never miss' as I never missed having a Father growing up. Any response is greatly appreciated!

I too am a single soon to be first time mom. I did not plan this baby in anyway but an THRILLED to be having her (99% change it's a her according to doctor). She is due in early July 2004.

I have no family in this area. My closest family is 1 1/2 hours away. I have a few friends here but I've never been one to make a lot of friends. I have always been too tied up in work and am basically very shy.

My baby's father is one of the few friends I do have. We have been friends for a couple years. Like I said this was not planned it just kind of happened. He does not live here but lives a short drive away. He is not married which is everyone's first thought when I say he does not want to be involved as a father.

The reason he doesn't want to tell anyone that this is his child is because he has been threatened by his daughter's mother that he will never see her again if he ever tries to break up their relationship and of course this would break it up. He absolutly adores his little girl and it would break his heart and her's to be split apart which I have no doubt mom would do.

The thing that gets me the most is he would do anything to not loose her but doesn't want to even give this baby a chance. Plus what am I supposed to tell my daughter when she asks who her father is and why isn't he around? My biggest hope is that once she is born and he actually sees her he will change his mind about claiming her as his but I really don't see that happening.

Any advice?

Terri-Peoria:
My advice to you is this: find out if the friend/father of your daughter has any legal rights to his first daughter. Because it sounds like he does and if that is the case, that other woman has no say in the matter. I wonder what she would think if she knew you or if she saw your baby. Maybe that would make her think twice because she could sympathize with what you are gointg through. But the way I see it, why in the world should your daughter have to suffer? Obviously this man is a good person...someone you have been friends with. He doesn't sound like a deadbeat...so why should your baby girl (or boy!) be "the other baby"? It's not fair. And your baby has every right to know their daddy. Especially if he is a kind and loving person. Sounds like this other mom needs to grow-up and be an adult. For the sake of both children. They will be related, sisters...Hang in there.

Hi Redtwenty3 ,
just wanted to say hello, and you're one of the few crazy girls who did the same as I. Our kids will be 2 years apart.
If you have many friends and if you can make it financially it won't be so hard, you'll see.
I wish you all the best
Daniela

hi... I'm pretty new here also. I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I was in the same situation you were. Once I start showing and my son starting to show signs of being in me, his father was barely around. I knew I would eventually have to deal with the situation, but I decided that because of all the hormones going through me that making a huge decision as leaving him wasn't something I should do without being totally of sound mind. *laugh* amazing what pregnancy does to you huh?! It was a month after my son was born that I decided to tell the father is was over. His father wasn't around for his birth, and didn't see him until he was 3 months old. I too thought him seeing his son would make him realize somethings and make him come around, but it didn't. If some of you are hoping this, please don't rely on it. Sometimes some men will come around but some won't. ((hugs)) to you all.

quote:

...live with my mom who is very supportive but don't have a friend out here and feel sad and alone. I also don't have a job and feel like a burdon. I know that my situation isn't as bad as most but I can't help but cry myself to sleep every night.[/QB]

I was where you are...in fact, I am just getting ready to move out after almost six years. I had not counted on being here this long and in fact am a year overdue for getting out, but oh well...*shrug* My only advice about moms helping out is to make sure you keep your boundaries clear. My mother has done a lot to undermine my relationship with my son this past year. I don't think she intended to, but she did and it will probably take monthes now for me to undo the damage. Also you need to set boundaries for yourself. Sometimes all that "helping" only serves to keep people from moving on and getting independant again. This can take a toll on your self-esteem.

But on the more upside, you *will* make friends. I thought I'd never make friends too, but over time I did. When your baby gets a little older and starts preschool you will get to meet other parents and here and there will meet people that you want to get to know better. It takes time. I would say that even for a very friendly person, it mighyt take a year or two, but it WILL happen.

At any rate, hang in there. I know this is a scary time, but it's also a very exciting time. You'll only have one "first pregnancy" try to enjoy it as much as you can and don't sweat the small stuff.