I'm a single 30 yr old woman. I have a good job with great benefits and I just bought a house this summer. I want to have a baby, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do it on my own( I know I can't get pregnant on my own, LOL, I meant taking care of the child). I don't plan to get married any time in the near future and I don't think marriage is a requirement for having kids. I have the full support of my family. Especially my mother, who got married at the age 20 because she got pregnant with my brother. My parents are still together after 38 years. I guess I just need to hear from other single parents about how you make things work.

Questions...Are you looking to adapt? Or have a baby? Also why are you in a hurry? What brings this up now at 30? Just curious

Either way, it is not easy to raise a child on your own, (not that you thought it was) but that doesn't mean it can't be done and done well. I think if you are dedicated to the time and want to do this that you should... but just know that it is a LIFE SENTENCE of worry. You are lucky to have the family support...that puts you a step ahead right there. I too have a great job and good benefits, but that doesn't run my child to their activities and numerous functions that they get involved in. Having a child also sucks up a lot of that great job money. Just be sure that this is what you want. As much as I love my daughter and would never trade her for anything in a million years....I look forward to the day she is independently on her own. It is hard work, despite money and benefits, and if a person says raising a child isn't hard...I would have to say they aren't doing something they should be doing.

It didn't just pop up at 30. I've been wanting kids for a long time. I just feel now that if I don't in the next 5 years, I'll be running out of time( to get pregnant ). I am also researching adoption. Thanks for your reply and advice.

There is an adoption area in this forum. I have taken the course for foster parenting. I did that a long time ago and probably would need to take it again. I decided to wait until my daughter got older... which she is now...and we have just recently started talking about it again. I have the room and can afford it...but it is a huge decision to make if the child goes up for adoption and I've had them staying with me for awhile. I am not sure I want to commit to that level. I know if that were to be the situation I would probably adopt...which is why I have been so hesitant. It is the life commitment to them that is so great.

I understand your need to want kids...I would've probably had a bunch more if I hadn't been so young at the time. I don't see it in my near future either, and I am already starting to look forward to the independent lifestyle again. Which is why I considered fostering as opposed to adoption. I am already 35 nearing 36. My best friend had her first one at 33 and her 2nd at 38. Happy and healthy. Take your time....as I am sure you already know. Peace. Karen

Although I am a single parent w/five kids(one moved out already) I also want to be a foster parent one day when my younger ones are older and a few more leave the nest. I love kids and if I was rich would have had a couple more, maybe...lol but I really want to help out the kids in the world who nees someone to show them love and be a good role model. And I hope my kids will go along with this and do it themselves when they are older. You'll have to tell me more about your experiences doing this Karen-if you would'nt mind.

Meanwhile, Teejay, maybe you should try volunteering some time with kids like Big Brothers/Sister or in a childrens shelter that has young kids so you could get a feel for taking care of a child. Or maybe babysit for someone for about a week who totally needs a break and see how it goes. (you can borrow mine. lol J/K !) Seriously though, I dont think theres anything wrong with what you want and raising a kid, alone or not, is a big responsibility but also the most rewarding thing you can do. This I know every day when my kids tell me they love me or I see the smile on there face when I volunteer time in their schools or we cuddle and watch movies together.
Good Luck to you. Lisa

I wouldn't mind at all. I have been looking into this for awhile now. We both (daughter and I)want to do this to benefit kids who do need postive things in their life. Thanks and I will keep you posted when it is time.

Tejay,

Hi! I can see you are placing a lot of thought into this and that is certainly a good thing.

I was 30 when I got pregnant (I am 32 now) by a �man� who I was barely in a relationship with. When I found out I was pregnant we were no longer dating and I knew that I would be going it alone and that was totally fine. I felt, like you, I had a great job (actually 2 at the time but one was more for fun, I was bartending on the side), good benefits, money in the bank plus I work for the family business from home so I get to stay home with my baby. The situation seemed ideal, I ALWAYS saw my self as a parent. I felt like I was getting older and marriage was nowhere in my near future. I wasn�t trying to get pregnant but low and behold I was. I knew that EVERY sexual encounter has the possibility of conception, no birth control method is fool proof and Allison, my daughter, certianly is proof of that. We were being safe but it was, rather she was meant to be.

I do not regret nor do I feel shortchanged by my life path but there are times that I think��Am I being fair to my daughter? She deserves to have a �normal� family, with a mommy AND a daddy.� and �Am I being fair to my self? I deserve to have the (emotional) support of a husband/partner during this time in my life.� I worry about things that I know that I wouldn�t if I had someone living in my home with us, even if just a roommate it is totally different than living alone, which is something I had done for many years (on and off) before Allison. You have this little person that you are solely responsible for, 24/7 weather they are with you or not. I worry that something will happen to me like falling down the stairs or way worse and she will be left alone. Don�t get me wrong, I have a WONDERFUL support system that would give their life for me and my daughter and they all live with in minutes from us but it is not the same. You can�t just up and run to the store if the need arises, everything you do, down to taking out the garbage, taking a shower and yes even going to the bathroom needs to be planned. I don�t care how �type A� you think you are there is NO way you can be prepared let alone organized, well at least not in the beginning. Allison is only 17 months old so I can�t speak on a child older than her . Her dad is not listed on her birth certificate and wants no legal ties to her. I worry about whom I would have care for her if something ever happened to me. Even something like a broken bone or just a stomach bug; will I be able to care for her? Add in the worries I have about the effect of her being raised with out a man in our lives (aside from my father who adores her as does she adore him), let alone her father in her life, I speaking more on me being in a relationship. What if I start dating some one and he is turns out to be a poo-bag? Dating when you are a single parent takes on a complete new meaning from your outlook to theirs.

Then there are the �normal� worries that every parent has and I am not even going to go there.

I don�t want you to think that being a single parent doesn�t have its own set of rewards. I love that I got to choose her name without even a discussion. I DON�T have to deal with someone else�s parenting style or even having to explain my own; I have total say in her upbringing (well except for the occasional chime from her grandparents, aka my parents), religious and nutritional beliefs are all my say. She is not exposed to arguing and bickering, even the normal every day stuff. I get her all to my self, she is MY daughter. We have been completely connected from the first time I saw her at my 10 week ultrasound, for the rest of our lives and beyond in an unexplainable way. For the first time in my life I feel a true purpose, Allison makes even my worst day feel like the best with something as small as a smile or a hug (but I am sure that every mom feels like this).

I am sorry to go on and on and there is a lot more I could say about this, I barely skimmed the surface but I will spare you. I hope I was some help; if you have anything you want to ask feel free and I will do my best to answer.

Good luck,
Jenny
GO YANKEES!!

[QUOTE]Originally posted by jmsajs:
[QB] Tejay,

I don�t want you to think that being a single parent doesn�t have its own set of rewards. I love that I got to choose her name without even a discussion. I DON�T have to deal with someone else�s parenting style or even having to explain my own; I have total say in her upbringing (well except for the occasional chime from her grandparents, aka my parents), religious and nutritional beliefs are all my say. She is not exposed to arguing and bickering, even the normal every day stuff. I get her all to my self, she is MY daughter. We have been completely connected from the first time I saw her at my 10 week ultrasound, for the rest of our lives and beyond in an unexplainable way. For the first time in my life I feel a true purpose, Allison makes even my worst day feel like the best with something as small as a smile or a hug (but I am sure that every mom feels like this).

I am sorry to go on and on and there is a lot more I could say about this, I barely skimmed the surface but I will spare you. Good luck,
Jenny



This is all true....well said.

Thanks so much everyone! Wonderful insight and great advice.