Adrian brings up a good point for you to consider. At least talk it over with your lawyer so you are well informed of what you could face down either path.

I know you have isolated yourself, but do you have a support network still?

Hi! I am new here, but when I read your post, Soon2B, I couldn't help but want to reply right away. I was in a similar situation when I was pregnant with both of my sons (now 9 and 16).

Based on my experience, my advice to you is this:

1) Take care of yourself! (BTW, when is your baby due?)
2) Realize and accept that what your baby's biological father does or does not do is out of your control.
3) Pursue child support NO MATTER WHAT. Just because he's shelling out a few bucks for his "sin" (that makes me sick!), doesn't mean he'll ever want to partake in your son's life. In fact, I would bet a million bucks that you'll get your support and he will never meet your son. He doesn't have the "parts", because he is a coward.
4) Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Do what feels right. This might mean taking risks! Nothing worth having ever comes easy.
5) Focus on the GOOD in your life. This baby is a blessing; not a sin! The calmer you are now, the calmer your baby is going to be when he is born, and believe me... you need calm!

Finally, have fun. This should be a happy time in your life, whether or not your son's father chooses to be involved in his life. I have two "father-less" sons who are amazing young men. They are smart, athletic, outgoing and well-adjusted. I get compliments on them all the time, and neither of them have met their biological fathers.

You can do this, hon. You are strong beyond your means, whether you realize it right now or not. Turn this around for yourself now and enjoy every moment of your pregnancy, the birth of your son and those amazing and precious moments with him as an infant.

I am sure I will be chastized for saying so, but children DO NOT need two parents involved in their lives in order to turn into decent human beings and worthwhile adults. My boys are living proof of that. With you as a strong mother for your son, you can make sure he has the proper male role models and mold him into the wonderful young man you hope he will be.

In fact, your son's father is no role model for ANY child... be grateful he does not want to be "involved" in your son's life. Your son is being spared a lot of trouble and hurt in the long run.

If you would like to PM me we can chat offline sometime!

xoxo

Yeah Adrian, I have considered the idea of him signing away his rights is what I really would like for him to do. But if I do that then I can not ask for child support. You're right, I don't do bad financially. I actually do pretty well for myself. However considering the fact that I will need great child care which comes out to like $2000 per month and other things for him I will need help from the jerk so that my son does not have to want for much.

You are 150% right that it will break my heart if this man ever demands visitation. I do not want him in his life at all. He is in deed a horrible role model.

Yankee-Thanks! Everything you said is right. I still getting to the point where I can internalize those things and truly live them. I am already a little nervouis about the emotional state of my unborn baby boy. I'm 7 months (due May 17th) but I have been an emotional wreck, and then roller coaster my entire pregnancy. I know ...not good. But I'm trying to get better for him. I have in fact accepted that what this man does is completely out of my control and I won't bother him with this "sin" (yeah it makes me sick too!) but I don't want him feeling as though he needs to have visitation. Supervised visitation...ok. He has said and done too many things for me to feel secure with my child going off with him.

Yes, it should be a happy time but honesly It hasn't been what it should be. Now I have to decide whether or not I have to have surgery because I ripped a tendon in my leg. I can't get a break and this man is walking around like life is peaches and cream I know I have to get out of the downer mode but life just keeps throwing me curve balls and he's just living life. Anyway, I see all points of view offered here but I do want and need child suppport and I do want him to feel the impact in some respect.

I am talking to my lawyer though. She says that we can't do much until he's born. She did however stress that if he's paying child he will have rights if he wants them...Ugh!!That burns me up but he definitely doesn't seem like he will ever be on board. Which is fine with me. Thanks Guys!

Oh and Knight...I have lots of great friends and family (not very close in proximity). THey have been very supportive in getting me throught this experience. I don't have much but I have some support. So, I'm not totally alone but alone enough. I have allowed myself to resurface and enter the world again for the most part. I haven't spoken to most of my friends since Sept/Oct. They've been wondering where I've been. But I didn't wanna just pop up with a kid one day and they have the double whammy that I was preggo and then they missed the pregnancy.

One more thing...Adrian talked about forcing the 'sperm donor' into court. Well he won't sign any papers or even claim paternity. So I kind of have to bring him. I feel really bad about my child not having a name in the 'father' spot. Some say I'm crazy but I think my son should atleast have a name there so that his birth certificate is not blank. I feel very strongly about that.

Wanting a name on the father's spot is very understandable, I wanted to be in the certificate too no matter what, I wanted my daughter to have my last name.