I am new to this site. I thought I had everything, I met who I thought was the man of my dreams. He asked me to marry him this past Christmas and then last week he packed his things while I was at work and left. No explanation, no word as to why. He devastated my soon to be 12 year old son (that I have raised on my own since his birth), and he left me five months pregnant. The day before he left he acted the same as always, told me he loved me was affectionate and then he's gone. I haven't heard a word from him in almost a week. I guess we have been abandoned.

I am hurting and don't know what to do.

Hi
How long had you been together? Had anything occurred in his past that you know of that may have made him scared about being a new Dad (well kind of a new Dad)? From what you have said, it sounds as though he had cold feet, unless something else has been bothering him that he hasn't mentioned.

Hello. I know the deep hurt that you are feeling right now and I hope that it gets better soon. Even though it is hard now, remember that you are a strong person and raised your son for 12 years without anyone's help. Maybe this person just needed some space to sort his feelings out and didn't know how else to handle it except to leave. When he finally comes around I would listen to what he had to say, but then I would make real sure that he heard what you had to say and how he made you feel. Decide if the relationship is worth saving and make sure that he makes things right with your son. If he can't apologize to your son for the way he made him feel, then you probably don't need him in your life!I hope everything works out for you!Best wishes, fulltimemom

Oh my! My heart goes out to you. I know you feel devastated and abandoned. Do you have a good support system near you? When my live-in boyfriend wanted me out I was devastated too. The first thing I did was move home near my family. Then, I learned how to meditate. Take a couple of deep breaths, close your eyes and think about how beautiful that little one inside of you is going to be. Excess stress is not good for the baby or you right now. I was blinded with grief at first but you can't shut down and grieve when you are pregnant (in my opinion). My daughter is 7 months now and I am just now dealing with the grief. Now that I know she is healthy and safe out in the world. I can now take care of myself. Maybe he will come around and learn to be a man but if he doesn't know that you got the best part of him.

Hi Kbean. I feel terrible for you and your poor son. Not only is dating and trusting scary, but when you're a single mom, you're endangering the heart of your children too if it doesn't work out. It's unfortunate, but you will be fine, instead of one little angel to lean on and be strong for, you'll soon have two. You've done it before, you can do it again, it shouldn't be that way, but that's the fate for so many parents and children. Just remember, take care of yourself, your son, and your baby, and no matter what all three of you will be fine!
Lots of luck!

Vicki

I want to say thanks to those who have posted meesages to my plight. Things haven't gotten much better. I did speak to the baby's father, but he is undecided in what he wants to do with his life. I am not holding my breath that he will come back, and I don't really think I want him to. I can't trust him. He shows little interest in the child of his that I am carrying. It still hurts, but with each passing day I try to grow a little stronger.

Being lonely is hard.

Kbean,
Been thinking about your situation. Man, you are going thru it.

In my eyes, this is what I saw happen. When you got pregnant, your bf got scared. Probably both of you did. He tried to pretend the emotions he thought he should have. And he thought getting married was part of what he should do. But he finally reached his breaking point, where he realized he was working for the emotions and they weren't coming. He worked at it, really worked. But it wasn't enough.

When we as women get pregnant, we know up front that we HAVE to accept it. Some men think they have a choice about accepting the prengancy. They think being a father is a choice. You and I know, he's going to be a father even if he makes a choice not to be. Doesn't change biology, and doesn't change the fact that this is his baby.

It is terribly sad that he is struggling to accept his impending fatherhood. I think you are correct to not want him back.

He will need to prove a new level of committment to you before you let him back in the door.