Hey everyone I�m new to this board and I love all the advice I have heard so far. I'm a 30 something divorced mama of two beautiful boys David 6 and Jonathan 4. I recently ended 11 years of military service and now I going to school full time to finish my degree (Yaa!!). My ex is a nut and he makes me pull my hair out with frustration. I don�t trust him and I�m afraid that he will try and take my children away just out of spite (he does not love them). He never send support he has not sent a Christmas present since the boys were babies. I�m afraid that I will not be able to clothe or feed them because I�m unemployed. Also I�m afraid that I will never be able to establish any other healthy relationship because I have MAJOR trust issues. I need advice on cutting costs on food, clothes, etc� also how do I deal with Ex without throwing a brick though his window out of frustration. Oh and does anyone know how much it cost to get a legal name change. (I want my name back!) thanks.

Hi Satindoll,

I am 34 and have 2 beautiful girls (4 & 3). I have been separated for 2 yrs. for my non trustworthy loser. My ex can't hold a job for more than 6 months. Anyway, I just take things one day at a time. When I first found out that I was going to be a single mom my head starting spinning. I was a SAHM and I thought that I could never take care of my girls. Well 2 yrs later and I am doing alright. I am not sure about school but maybe you can talk to them. I know they have programs for single parents. I don't have any family around me but at first I got me a job. I work part-time because I wasn't ready to leave my girls but now I am looking for something with more pay. I called and put myself on every list possible (daycare, housing). Within in couple of months I got daycare subsidies for my kids (and this helps so much). I do get food stamps and I use them to the fullest. I use coupons to make them stretch even farther. I buy clothes on clearance and most of them time I buy for like winter clothes for the next yr and put them away. Right before School started I bought my girls a bunch of clothes from Ebay. The stuff looked new and in great condition. I got about 15 outfits for $20 for each girl. I contacted my phone and electric company and they give discounts. Also I am not sure in Texas but her in MA they have a program that helps with heat/electricity. My heat is included in my rent so I get a check from this program. At first I was overwhelmed but as I said take it one day at a time. In the past 2 yrs I have learned so much. There is alot of help out there, the problem is not knowing where to look for it. Right now I am part of a parent's committee at my daughter's school and it is made up of parent's and local agencies and we are trying to get the word out about different programs.
As for dealing with your ex I wish I had the answers for that I am trying to figure out that mess myself.
I hope I helped a little.

satindoll

hello nice to meet you. as for trust, well i never had an issue about that. you might want to try to check out your local VA hospital and see if you can see and talk to someone who can help you. as for the cost cutting, well that i went through not too long ago. the best place to start is to look in the sales adds for food. then always pay by cash and never use credit cards. i learned that if i payed by cash, i would see exactily where it would go and i would be willing to spend less. i was in the military also, so i know all of your utilities were free, so be careful what you set your heater at and leaving the lights on in unattended rooms. utilities can get high if you dont watch them. as for dealing with the ex, well i am still dealing with mine, so maybe we can trade some info sometime on that issue. but if your ex never bought your boys a present, i think the last thing he wants is to take them from you.

Welcome to SFV! There are a lot of folks here that have been through what you are experiencing...you can trust the folks here for sure!

Hi satindoll,
Welcome. I don't have an ex to deal with but a lot of people here do and I am sure they will help you through it.
I do know the cash problem. I started with nothing but a dog to my name. I think the first thing you need to look at is where your money is going. Most people spend money everyday that they do not need to. Soda's at the gas station, donuts etc. Really watch you can save money by buying in bulk and taking a soda with you instead of at the station. I also buy a lot of food in bulk and freeze it. I make up entire meals and then freeze them for later. Not only will you save money but on nights when you don't want to cook they will come in handy. You have a home cooked meal at half the cost of a pre-cooked meal or eating out.
I have made this suggestion to a lot of people and I will to you too. Book "Money make over" by Dave Ramsey great for money, and "Automatice Millionaire" By David Bach. You can get them at the library and they can help anyone out of money struggles. Not using credit cards is a great idea too.
prayers are with you.

You should check out the internet for the website of the courthouse - they can tell you the fees involved, but in CA, it's less than $50, I'm pretty sure.
Welcome aboard; you've given yourself a great Xmas present by finding this!
I totally feel your pain about $$ - I'm a little better off now than I was a year ago, but it's still a constant struggle. And you're definitely on the right track by going back to school - I'm in school part-time, too! Take advantage, for one, of anything and everything where you can get a student discount using your i.d., that's for sure.
The main thing is to not dig yourself a deeper hole right now. Keep one credit card for emergencies and get rid of any others you have. I buy most of my girls' clothes at Target or Goodwill. I went to a dept. store this Xmas for the first time in YEARS. Jan. is a great month for sales since they're trying to pull people in for shopping once the Xmas craze is gone, so keep your eye out this coming month. Payless usually has one of their buy one, get one half-off sales right about now.
Look into the WorkStudy program at school - it'll at least give you SOME money. Also, talk to your professors/fellow students about any job openings they may know of that will fit your schedule. And post a notice for fellow students in the education dept. for babysitters. Also, you may want to consider offering babysitting service yourself.
As far as your trust issues, and fears about the ex, well...we could all go crazy worrying about what MIGHT happen tomorrow. Cover yourself in the divorce proceedings, definitely, and then after that, don't we have enough to worry about that's REAL than worrying about what MIGHT happen? Same with trust. I saw this great quote "Failure is an event, not a person." So you made a mistake. Guess what; you're human. We all make mistakes. You can't beat yourself up about it (and believe me, I've been there). A lot of friends have come alone who have shown their worthiness of my trust. So a man hasn't come along yet. Okay. Well, the fact is, between work/school/kids, I've got enough on my plate right now. Use this time to concentrate on building your self-esteem and parenting confidence. I do believe that no one can love us until we truly love ourselves first.

welcome satidoll!
I have a friend that had to deal with an immature, careless ex. What she did that seem to work was that she was always mature about things. What I mean is that many times her ex did things that would make her angry but she always kept her cool and never over reacted because that would only stress her out. Be the better person and hopefully he will feel ashamed of himself in addition acting proper will help you incase you guys have to battle it out in court. Goog Luck!!!!

Hi Satindoll,
Welcome to our family.There are plenty of good folks here always offering a helping hand with advice,etc.We have either seen it, done it or know something about it.But the bottom line is we all trust each other.


Welcome and hugs to you.


Mark

quote:

2GIRLSANDME said: "Failure is an event, not a person." So you made a mistake. Guess what; you're human. We all make mistakes. You can't beat yourself up about it

That really blessed me!
Sometimes a person feels like they are all alone or they are the only one to make foolish mistakes. I see I was wrong. You guys have "been there done that" and I thank you for sharing. I love my babies and I'm just trying to get my head right so I can move on to a better life. My church has been helpful. If you have not been to Divorce care meetings I highly recommend them. They really help you sort things out.