I just joined this site in despirate need of some advise. I am a single mom of a 4 year old little girl. Her father has recently completely dropped out of her life and she has been acting out. She seems normal around me and in her home setting but I find out from others that when I am not around she is a completely different child. She has been acting out at school and I have had conferences with her teachers and things seemed to have been getting better. Tonight I had two young girls come to my door and advise me that my dauther is being mean to the other kids at the park and is using profanity. I was mortified. I didn't know what to do. I know that a lot of her behavior is from her dad not being around but should I put her in therapy? Is this common? I am just at a loss. Does any one have any ideas?

i work in mental health, but with adults, although we do service children and by what i have seen as they get older, you could try setting up an appt with a child counselor, it is better to nip this in the butt now before it gets worse, also speak with her primary doctor have you asked her why she is acting this way?

Hi raramom and welcome to the site. Great group of people here.
If you have the means Yes I would seek some counseling for her and maybe you even.
Children don't understand this stuff and often blame themselves for the parent leaving even if they have been told it is not there fault.
Keep on loving her and let her know it is not her fault. Have you spoken to her about Dad? Keep talking with her and listening to her. Kids sometimes take a long time to get there words out at this age. It is important that you give them all the time they need without any imput from you.
It might also help to let her know you miss Daddy too. Relate to her feelings and try to mirror them.
Best to you and God bless.

I agree w/the other posts get her help if you are able too. I know I've put my son in therapy b/c his did not being there and other reasons and it has helped him deal much better.

I have a feeling she maybe blaming herself for dad dropping out of her. Being 4yrs does not know how to feel what shes feeling. God it's hard for adults to accept certian feelings.

Help her now while she is young. Good luck to you.

SPIRIT

Hi There,
I tend to get chatty so I will keep this as short as a can, but feel free to PM me further if you wish. When my son was going on four I seperated from the man who he considered his dad. I pretty much cut off all contact with him and my son started acting out. At first it was outside the home and then it started with me. Pushing every button he could find and so on. One night I couldn't take it anymore and we had a nice three hour heart to heart while lying in bed. Basically he felt it was his fault we were not together because he was bad and he was afraid that if he was bad enough I would leave and get a new son. He was basically testing my limits to see when I'd finally tell him he had to go to a new home. After talking it all out there was an immediate change for the better in his behavior. Now you may have a differnt situation and your daughter may not feel the same way, but before we had our talk I never felt my son could have the thoughts he did at such a young age.
Good luck,
Heidi

Hi raramom,
I just joined this site also and have had many replies and advice from the great members. I am recently divorce also and have two children. My youngest was 5 when I moved out and left their dad. He acted out in everyway possible. I would strongly recomend counseling for your daughter. The school that my son goes to offers counseling and he is in anger managment, friendship groups (learning to act appropriatley towards other children) and also a program called "banana splits" for children of "split" divorced parents. Since he has been seeing this counselor he has progressed tremendously, I am amazed at how it has helped him. Good luck with everything and dont give up and dont blame yourself. things will get better.
Dakotarose

quote:

Originally posted by raramom:
[qb] I just joined this site in despirate need of some advise. I am a single mom of a 4 year old little girl. Her father has recently completely dropped out of her life and she has been acting out. She seems normal around me and in her home setting but I find out from others that when I am not around she is a completely different child. She has been acting out at school and I have had conferences with her teachers and things seemed to have been getting better. Tonight I had two young girls come to my door and advise me that my dauther is being mean to the other kids at the park and is using profanity. I was mortified. I didn't know what to do. I know that a lot of her behavior is from her dad not being around but should I put her in therapy? Is this common? I am just at a loss. Does any one have any ideas? [/qb]