Hey everyone. It's my first day on here, and I am going to need all the help I can get. I found out last friday, that at 31, I am pregnant with my first child. The father is a man who I have dated on & off for 2 1/2 years. He already has two kids of his own. The mother of his second child died a few years ago of breast cancer. He has told me time & again that he does not want any more kids. We are currently on an "off" time. I am so scared to tell him. We are not very good at comunicating as it is, and I haven't the slightest idea how to tell him. I go over it in my head all day long, but I know when I do see him, I am going to choke and don't think I'll be able to find the strength to spit it out. I am so afraid that he will think this is something I did on purpose to keep him, when in reality, I am pretty sure this will be the one thing that chases him away forever. I welcome any advice you may have.
Thanks!

well, if you guys email each other you could tell him that way, I know it sounds impersonal, but you can say what you want to say in a organized fasion, and get it all out instead of stumbling over words, then at the end you can say you really want to talk about it and your thoughts are allready out.

I agree with MoPaul! Even though an e-mail may be considered impersonal you would still be able to say what you need to say & not have to worry about stumbling over words because this situation is too important to discuss & your feelings & thoughts about it need to be heard (or read). Here's the question: Is what you plan on doing (regarding the pregnancy) based on his reaction to the pregnancy? Do you want to raise the child wether he wants it or not? There are a few questions I would ask myself before the conversation because he will ask questions, and he will probably also reinterate how much he dosen't want another child if he feels that strongly about it.

I agree with Tasha. You need to know what you want to do before you tell him. If you have your mind made up what you want to do with or without him, then there is no need to fear his reaction. If you decide to have this child, you should be prepared to do it alone if he cant be supportive. If you have been breaking up and getting back together for two and a half years, you have only been effecting each other. When you have a child EVERYTHING you do effects the child.

And remember, you didnt create this pregnancy by yourself. No matter what precautions he thinks you did or did not take, you were not the only one with the responsibility to take them.

All I can say is be honest with him and soon. I would say tell him in an email or a hand written letter but tell him you are open to talk at any time. Good luck to ya.

Ah this brings back memories! LOL. When I found out I was pregnant with #2 my ex and I had only been back together for 2 days after a 3 week seperation. I sent him out for pizza so I could take the test. When he returned home I asked him what he thought could be the worst thing that could happen to us right now was. When I told him I was pregnant he just paused and said "well that would be it".

It was pretty hard at the time and we ended up breaking up for good about a month later. In the long run, I'm glad I was with him when he found out because even though it's a very big moment in not only his life but mine as well.

Being face to face will also give you a pretty decent idea of how involved he wants to be with this child. If he's stunned and worried then he'll probably be involved at least somewhat. A guy who takes it all in stride probably isn't planning on your pregnancy inconveniencing him in the least.

Good luck with either that you decide and keep in mind only you can decide is what's best for your life and the life of your unborn child.

My situation was similar as well. At first my ex didn't believe me (I told him in person), I then wrote him a letter about it and I didn't hear from him for a few weeks. Eventually he did come around though and he's a part of my daughter's life. He doesn't do much to help me out, but he's present in her life and that's as good as it gets. Good luck in telling him and know that whatever happens, you will work it out.

Telling him is going to be hard because you already know he said he didn't want another baby, but I think you should tell him anyway. Before you tell him, prepare yourself to be open to his reaction. He is not going to jump for joy so him giving you anything less than that is to be expected. Both of you getting fired up won't help so try to stay calm and find an opportunity to tell him that one, you are just as surprised as he is, and the two, you know he's upset but you need him to help you face this reality. Be sure your mind is made up: bring the baby to term and raise the child, or abort or put up for adoption. Make sure you are clear about your future with this child. That way, you know you have not misled him. Also, know clearly what you want from him and if he cannot give that to you, be prepared to deal with it.

I'm speaking from experience: I told my guy I was pregnant and I knew he was not going to be happy. In our relationship, we never raised our voices or used profanity but we did have a few disagreements. This was one of them. He tried and tried and tried to get me to abort but I was very clear without wavering that that was NOT an option. Once he understood that, he had a million and one excuses why he couldn't or didn't think he could be a father to this child. So, I decided to leave the relationship. I didn't make a big production of it; I didn't scream, argue or fuss. I didn't say "Okay", "I understand." I said NOTHING and I let my actions speak for themselves. I kissed him goodnight, and after he fell asleep, I left. I had the best pregnancy with friends surrounding me. I never shed one tear because it wasn't a bitter thing. When my daughter was born, my family called him but he never came. I was a little sad to be honest but I quickly got over it because I had surrounded myself with so much joy and peace. He is not very active in her life now (she's 3) but he said that upfront so I'm not surprised. I'm a realist. I have an open door for him to come in and interact with his child but in his absence, I provide her with as enriching of a life that I can, by the grace of God.

I know by now you have probably told him or decided not to, my GF told me over the phone, she was so desperate she couldn't wait to see me. But my ideas are a little weird, women usually believe is up to them whether to raise a child or not, and I strongly disagree with that, in the same way that a man is blamed as much as a woman about a pregnancy I believe that even if a woman doesn't want to have a child and the man does, she should have him/her and let him have him/her.